tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-73173226856901064732024-03-14T04:12:19.079-07:00New Mexico FIESTA ProjectSupport for New Mexico's Adoptive Families provided by La Familia, Inc. Join us...lavendergardenerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00315308632104120806noreply@blogger.comBlogger280125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-25064803620341513302017-03-05T04:38:00.001-08:002017-03-05T04:38:51.534-08:00Fiesta 101<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few years ago, a group of adoption professionals, seeing the need, decided to create a program to support adoptive parents. They wanted to make it available to all adoptive families, not just those who had adopted through the state, but also privately, internationally, and within their existing family structure. They wanted to provide services to the entire family, including biological children with adopted siblings. They wanted to tackle tough issues like grief and loss. Difficult behavior. Race and culture. Mental health. Fiesta was the result. FIESTA is an acronym for Family Activities, Information, Education, Support, and Training.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the five regions throughout the state, there are “Family Contacts,” who are adoptive parents that organize at least four opportunities for families to get together each quarter. These events are sometimes called, “Coffee and Chat,” or “Snack and Chat” or may be something like attending a community event together, meeting at a park or having a family game night. During a typical “Coffee and Chat,” child care is provided free of charge for all of the children in the family, adopted or not (because of liability, we are not allowed to provide this service to kids in treatment care). Our child care staff has strict guidelines like never being alone with a child, never putting a child in “time out,” keeping confidentiality, and most importantly, facilitating a planned schedule of activities so that each child has fun. The plan includes a short lesson or theme, a small motor activity like a craft, a large motor activity like a relay race, and plenty of time to socialize. Staff is prepared to engage with babies to teens. While the kids are busy, the adults can get to know one another, exchange stories and contact information to support each other through the month. Other family activities allow the families to enjoy and participate in a shared experience. Many long-lasting friendships have been formed through these activities. This is the “F” in FIESTA.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The “I” stands for information. Fiesta has a huge lending library of books and videos for parents, children and professionals who serve adoptive families. We’ll even pay for the shipping back and forth if you live outside of Albuquerque. You can find the list of resources on our website, nmfiestaproject.org<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“E” is for education. We have workshops in every region once a month. Topics include attachment and trauma, discipline and nurture, understanding behavior, and self-care. Workshops that have been helpful in the past few months have touched on topics such as internet safety, IEPs, helping extended families to understand adoption issues, the challenges of FASD, and respite. Our respite co-op is a group of families who have attended this training and learned ways to be an effective “sending parent” as well as a “receiving parent.” After this required training, families are entered into a co-op where they can arrange respite among themselves. All of our trainings count as required hours for CYFD families.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The “S” stands for support. Besides the monthly networking events, Family Contacts are available by phone to help parents find answers to questions about everything from challenging behavior strategies to homework struggles. These fellow adoptive parents don’t have all of the answers, but can help guide you to professional help when needed or supply a listening ear. They can attend school meetings as an advocate and note-taker, sit beside you in difficult meetings, and sometimes even go to your home to brain-storm with you about situations you may be facing. Other supports that families rely on are our face book group and blog.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">T is for Training. Once a year we provide a training in each region for professionals who work with adoptive families. Free CEUs are offered. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The “A” means that all families are welcome- singles, kinship, LGBT, Spanish-speaking, and the people who support them. We have a family contact that is designated to support families who have members with disabilities. Pre-adoptive parents are always welcome.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px;" />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13.524px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 14.2667px;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">New Mexico Fiesta Project exists with only one purpose- to support, encourage, and equip adoptive families in this state. Everything that we offer is free of charge and the project is fully staffed by adoptive parents. Please browse our site and borrow a book, plan to attend an event or training, or check us out on face book. We’d love to meet you!</span></span></div>
FIESTA FAMILY CONTACThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12013943059935077016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-56636275524137392882016-11-30T11:18:00.003-08:002016-11-30T11:18:54.275-08:00Food<div class="MsoNormal">
Food is so many things to us- comfort when we’re sad or
stressed, pleasure, survival, connection with family, friends and our culture,
adventure, control. It’s no wonder, then, that food can be a stressful thing in
an adoptive family. It pulls us back to our own childhood, has the power to
create family warfare, or can be used as a tool for rejection or power. In the
case of kids who have suffered deprivation, it can cause great fear and
insecurity. For kids whose world is out of control, it can give them one thing
to have dominion over. Let’s cover a few common food issues that adoptive
families struggle with.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hoarding (or “stealing” food)- don’t be surprised if you
catch a child sneaking food or hiding it in strange places. The fear of
starvation is deep-seated and very real. Instead of accusing your child or
shaming, make sure they know that you won’t withhold food from them. Let them
keep a couple of healthy snacks in an airtight container and let them have
fruit and vegetables whenever they want. If the thought of waiting for dinner
freaks them out, let them have a salad while the meal is being cooked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve often heard parents call this “stealing food.” The food
in your house belongs to your child, so they are not stealing it, they are
taking it without asking first. Explain to the child that all the food is
theirs, but you need to help them meet their needs. Asking can be difficult for
some kids, but establishing that as a habit can help your child realize that
you provide them with good things. Go as far as to let them know that if they
are hungry during the night, they can wake you up and you’ll fix them a snack.
It builds connection for you to provide food. They may not have had an adult in
their lives who took care of them in that way.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Overeating and gorging on junk food- start with a very small
serving so your child can have seconds. Keep junk food out of the house and
only have it occasionally if it’s a problem.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pickiness- pay attention to what your child likes and
dislikes or even absolutely refuses and look for patterns. Is there a certain
texture that she can’t tolerate? A strong taste? It could be a sensory/ tactile
issue. If you see a pattern and there are other clues as well, ask for an OT
evaluation. Your child may need some therapy to overcome this sensitivity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Refusing certain food- some kids have had trauma around a
particular food. Maybe someone in their past lost their temper when a child
wouldn’t eat green beans or mushrooms. Maybe there was an uncle or cousin who
caused fear (and smelled like onions). We don’t know our kids’ back-stories and
often they may not even remember. If there are a couple of foods that seem to
throw your child into a bad place, let it go. It may have been fine when your
mom insisted that you eat your peas, but compassion helps you understand that
this is not a battle to take on with this child.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Food issues can be complicated. NM Fiesta Project Family
Mentors are available to brainstorm with you about anything you are struggling
with in your adoptive family. Find us at nmfiestaproject.org. While you’re
there, check out the other services, classes and library available across the
state.<o:p></o:p></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-20427529693631367232016-11-21T08:06:00.000-08:002016-11-21T08:06:10.679-08:00My Child Always Needs to Be in Control<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the symptoms of experiencing early, chronic childhood
trauma can be a strong need to be in control. This is how it looks-<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Mom: It’s time to take a shower now. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Child: I just took a shower<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Mom: That was Thursday. You need a shower again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Child: I’ll take a bath instead. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Mom: I don’t care. Just get clean.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Child: I’m going to take it after dinner<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Mom: I need you to take it now. We have plans after
dinner.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Child: I’m cold. I’ll wait until tomorrow. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Mom: Just. Take. A. Shower.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Child: I just remembered some homework I’ve got to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
(Repeat)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
This may seem like a typical scenario for kids of a
certain age, but you may live with a child who needs to be in control over
every single thing- what to eat for dinner, how many cookies are in a package,
who has bigger feet, what the weather is, whether or not to clean her room. It
is often accompanied by “manipulation,” (if I can’t get my way, I’ll trick you
into it) or rages (if I can’t get my way, I totally lose it). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
If behavior is communication, consider what your child is
telling you. His brain has been programmed to survive because his needs weren’t
met from an early age. (Or they may have been met sporadically.) He has
learned, in his deepest, foundational self, that in order to stay alive, he has
to be in charge. Or he will die. This is not something he thinks about or plans
out, it’s something less conscious. You can explain that he’s safe now and that
he can trust you to take care of him, but until he has a paradigm shift and
“gets” that himself, he still needs to be in control. He’s not trying to mess
with you, make you angry, or create conflict in the family. It’s a symptom of a
deeper trust deficit. He’s terrified.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
The cure for this? Making sure you take the time to
develop a connection leading to trust. Giving her choices, so she realizes that
you are in charge, but giving her appropriate control. (You need to take a shower or a bath.
Would you like to do that before dinner or after?) Listening and letting her
offer compromises lets her know that she is being ruled by a benevolant mentor instead of a frightening dictator. Another strategy is to use humor to deflect
the issue. I sometimes say, “It’s always nice to have someone in charge,”
spoken with a smile and a wink. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
The New Mexico Fiesta Project has monthly support groups
across the state where parents can discuss parenting challenges like this one and
learn from other adoptive parents. It’s a good place to get some ideas if
you’re struggling. It’s a good place to share what you’ve learned. Visit us at
nmfiestaproject.org to find out where one is near you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
Carol Gloetzner<o:p></o:p></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-12435162898427472502016-11-16T08:55:00.000-08:002016-11-16T08:55:12.916-08:00What is My Child's Lying Telling Me?<div class="MsoNormal">
As adoptive parents, it’s always important to look at our
child’s behavior as information. What is this behavior saying about my child’s
level of fear, past trauma, or lack of trust? Lying is no exception. We usually
recognize when the lie is told to avoid getting caught in misbehavior. That
makes sense to us, even though we don’t approve. Nonsense lying, though, is a
different. It isn’t logical to us to have our child make up fantastic stories
or argue with us about the color of the sky. According to a recent study, lies
are often used to avoid intimacy. Consider this- what if I believe that I am unlovable?
That if you truly knew who I am, you would reject me? I would want to avoid
having anyone know me, right? And the best way to do that is to hide my true
self with a wall of lies, brick by brick, lie by lie. This not only protects me
from being known, but also keeps me in control. My brain is wired to keep me
alive by using those two strategies. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lying is often a trigger for us as parents. What is it that
makes a child’s lie feel like such an attack? Why does it make us so angry/
hurt/ afraid? Those questions are important to ask ourselves, because like
everything else in parenting, our own issues are often the problem and dealing
with our “own stuff” is the first step in dealing with our child’s. Like
everything else, helping our child overcome lying always starts with
establishing a connected, trusting relationship.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many parents find that the most important thing in
addressing a lie is to stay calm and make sure not to react. “I don’t believe
you. I’ll have to check on that.” Another is to make sure you don’t set your
child up with questions like, “Did you brush your teeth?” Crazy lying can be
dealt with in a playful (non-sarcastic) way. “You should write that down. You
have a great imagination. I wonder what would happen next?” Or “Push the Pause
button.” “Wait. Don’t answer that right away. Let me know what really happened,
not what you wish had happened.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
In any case, lying can be a challenge to parents and bring
up our own fears and concerns. The NM Fiesta Project is a statewide
organization with one goal- to support adoptive families. Staffed by other
adoptive parents, we understand the joys and challenges of raising an adopted
child. Visit us at nmfiestaporject.org.<o:p></o:p></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-7460750799106934932016-11-09T20:03:00.002-08:002016-11-09T20:03:05.930-08:00Behavior is Communication<div class="MsoNormal">
“We need to stop looking at our children’s actions as
difficult behaviors and recognize them as symptoms.” (Denise Kendrick) What a
difference perspective makes! Instead of, “My kid lies about Every. Single.
Thing,” we can say, “My child needs to see me as safe enough to trust with the
truth.” Instead of, “My son is such a manipulator!” we can see his world as so
out-of-control that his fear drives him to be in charge at all time. Daughter
sending inappropriate texts to boys? She is seeking love wherever she can get
it. Defiance? Cutting? Backtalk? Potty training challenges? Tantrums? Look
deeper. What is your child’s behavior telling you? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We don’t ever know our adopted child’s complete story. We
don’t know the sensations that trigger memories. Smells, sounds, music,
holidays, familiar-looking people, Walmart, specific events can all flip a
switch in a child’s brain to make them react out of fear- and fear doesn’t
always look like something we recognize. It can look like defiance, control,
rage, stubbornness, charm, hyperactivity, or dishonesty. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This understanding doesn’t mean that we tolerate disrespect
or that we become permissive, but with a different perspective, tempered with
compassion, we can have reasonable expectations and teach our kids a better
way. Taking every opportunity to connect with them is our most powerful healing
tool. Spending time doing something they love, making sure to create a playful
environment, stopping what we’re doing to really listen to what they say,
letting them know that we’re on their team- these are all ways to help them
know that they’re safe and they can trust us. It’s amazing how challenging
behaviors resolve when a child develops trust and connection with a parent.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The NM Fiesta Project was created to help equip adoptive
parents with the tools they need to effectively connect with their kids,
realize that they are not alone in the journey, and show them community
resources they may not have thought about. Find out more at nmfiestaproject.org<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Carol Gloetzner<o:p></o:p></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-6563651330917382522016-11-02T10:42:00.000-07:002016-11-02T10:42:42.739-07:00Does My Child Have "RAD?"<br /><div class="MsoNormal">
In preparing for adoption, most parents are frightened when
they come across the list of symptoms for Reactive Attachment Disorder. They
hope and pray that the child they end up with isn’t one of “those kids.” It can
sound like a horror movie- a child who wants control at all costs, manipulates,
lies, steals, pulls the dog’s tail, or hides entire meals under her mattress.
Most of us don’t know if we’re prepared to parent a child with such a scary
diagnosis. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The truth is, adoption always involves loss. Even in the
best of circumstances, there is trauma for the child. And let’s face it- most adopted
kids experience more than their share. Trauma for a child is going to affect
the trust they have in the world. “Can the adults in my life meet my needs and
keep me safe, or do I have to fend for myself?” This trauma can translate into
compromised attachment leading to behavior challenges. Like many disorders
(think, ADHD) attachment issues operate more along a spectrum than an absolute.
Although full-blown “RAD” is rare, most of our kids will struggle with the
effects of their trauma, including a compromised ability to form secure
attachments. An adoptive parent needs to realize that their child’s trauma and
loss can affect behavior in many ways and we need to become skilled in reading
our child’s behavior as a second language so that we can help them heal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whether or not your child ends up with a diagnosis of RAD or
other challenges, there is hope. The NM Fiesta Project was created to support
adoptive parents throughout the state. Visit our website at nmfiestaproject.org
to find out more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Carol Gloetzner</span>Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-6332402445617327012016-04-20T18:36:00.001-07:002016-04-20T18:51:47.051-07:00Therapeutic Disney Quizzes<br />
With three teens in the house, I'm always looking for creative ways to connect. Here's my latest exciting therapeutic intervention- quizzes! You know the crazy Facebook friends of yours that are always posting the results to a quiz about- "What Color is Your Heart?" "How Many Kids Should you Have?" or "What is Your Dream State?" Well, my 14-year-old jumped on the quiz bandwagon with "Which Disney Princess are You?" So last night, when it was her turn to stay up late with me, we sat on my bed and took quizzes. Here are a few of my favorites with links:<br />
<br />
Which Disney Animal Sidekick are You?<br />
https://ohmy.disney.com/quiz/2015/06/28/quiz-which-disney-animal-sidekick-are-you/<br />
<br />
The great thing about a quiz is that they ask a couple of really personal questions. And because it's a silly, just-for-fun quiz, you answer. Here are some from this quiz-<br />
"I prefer to be rewarded for a job well done with- (pick one) a) cash, b) trophies, c) snacks, or d) personal compliment."<br />
"I love hanging out with people who are- a) kind, b) dreamers, c) enthusiastic, d) witty"<br />
"My favorite thing about myself is- a) my ability to keep things real b) good looks c) charm d) optimism"<br />
<br />
Is adventure more your style? Here's a Hunger Games Quiz-<br />
http://www.buzzfeed.com/samstryker/i-volunteer-as-tribute#.plKv8k8rJ<br />
<br />
This quiz is simply a list of true or false choices, such as,<br />
"I'm really good at forming friendships"<br />
"I''m not afraid to stab people in the back"<br />
"I work best under pressure."<br />
Many of the questions on this quiz have to do with how you perceive yourself and how you treat other people- an entire therapy session in one, fun swoop!<br />
<br />
Or you might want to try, "What's Your Secret Super Power?"<br />
http://www.playbuzz.com/nicole26/whats-your-secret-power<br />
<br />
Here was my favorite from this quiz-<br />
"Which of these are most important to you? a) independence, b) power, c) kindness, d) knowledge, e) adventure"<br />
How amazing are these as conversation starters!<br />
<br />
And lastly, "Which Tanner Sister from Full House Are You?" (I know, right?)<br />
http://www.zimbio.com/quiz/6yAI5nTeAQ1/Tanner+Sister+Full+House<br />
<br />
This one had annoying pop-up ads, but it was worth it to discuss things like:<br />
<br />
"What's your drug of choice- a) candy, b) homework, c) cigarettes"<br />
or, "What do you fear the most? a) being left out, b) SATs, c) sharing a room<br />
<br />
*One disclaimer- if you're doing a quiz with an elementary aged kid, you might want to check the content first for minor cuss words, other PG-rated content or unsavory sideline ads.<br />
<br />
So there you have it! Need some teen/tween connection over pop corn and silliness? Take a quiz!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-77497982848866023502016-03-23T18:11:00.005-07:002016-03-23T19:10:36.398-07:00Don’t Miss This! April 22 (Professionals) or 23rd (Families)<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
According to our contract, Fiesta is required, once a year,
to offer a training on adoption issues to professionals around the state. This
year, we are collaborating with the NM Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs,
Inc., and Davis Innovations in Santa Fe, to bring Dr. Scott Modell from
Tennessee. (Some of you may remember Dr. Modell because he did a training for
CYFD foster families a year ago.) Dr. Modell’s focus during both workshops will
be to explain the vulnerability of kids who have disabilities or who are
otherwise compromised through past trauma, to be targets for abuse. We need to
be aware of the alarming statistics, but even more aware of what we can do to
stop it. This includes- the things we need to recognize as warning signs of
past sexual abuse, how to keep our families safe, especially if our child acts
out sexually, and what to do if you think that your child needs help. Another
factor is that we often teach our kids to be compliant with adults. How can we
teach our kids to be respectful without inadvertently teaching them to be
victims? This four-hour workshop is excellent for any professional that works
with kids- social workers, therapists, teachers, etc. and we offer free CEUs which
always makes us happy. The parent workshop is offered to TFC parents, CYFD
foster parents and all adoptive parents. Everything is free and if you need a
certificate of hours, just ask. Child care will be provided on Saturday on a
limited basis. RSVPs are appreciated. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
p.s. If you already attended a training by Dr. Modell, he
tells us that this one will include enough new material to make it worthwhile.
There will also be plenty of discussion and we hope our Fiesta peeps will be
there to contribute. <o:p></o:p></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-12076903574994370662015-05-23T07:59:00.002-07:002015-05-23T07:59:54.596-07:00Navigators News<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It is hard to believe I am at the
fourth anniversary of my children’s arrival. Looking back, four years ago,
there were many times I was at a complete loss and felt isolated and scared. I
was not new to adoption, having adopted my oldest daughter as a teenager some
years prior. Having successfully navigated the teen years, I did not anticipate
the challenges that were to come. Friends and family members were having babies
and there were no ready playmates for my then four and six years olds. Those
that I knew or encountered with kids close in age to mine had raised them from
birth and the challenges they experienced were different. Often, rather than
feeling more connected, the lack of shared experience made me feel more
alone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There were times in the first two
years, where my children could not sit through an activity for more than 10
minutes. As someone who is not the greatest of planners, this was very hard for
me. Trying to come up with enough activities to get through a day could have
been my full time job. I remember weekends stretching out for what seemed like
forever, and when I felt like I should have earned a medal just for making it
to bedtime. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">There were two things I really
needed at that time; support and things to do with my kids. I am not alone in
this need. All parents struggle, regardless of whether their children are
biological or not. With adoption, some of the challenges are different. It was
a relief when, through the Rio Grande Navigators scouting group, I met others
who had or were going through similar struggles. These folks understood what it
was like to have a child having nonstop tantrums every Saturday as my daughter
struggled with the change in routine. They understood my son's indifference to
my authority, and that his not listening was not "bad
parenting". <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Rio Grande Navigators is a
family-focused scouting group that involves the whole family in monthly scouting
activities, called “treks.” Kids get to meet other kids, build friendships, and
earn scouting merit badges. Many of our kids struggle socially, however the
parent involvement structure of Rio Grande Navigators allows for parents to
help facilitate these interactions when appropriate. Parents have the
opportunity to meet other parents and build their own support system. The
planned activities are interesting and often things the kids would not get to
do on their own. I take my kids hiking all the time. But I likely would never
have had them build rockets or set up a tour of a fire station. My kids look
forward to the activities, though more than that, they are excited to see their
friends. Building on the family-focus,
each family takes a turn organizing a trek once or twice per year. Kids receive their badges, which they can
display on their Navigator hat, twice a year during a formal celebratory Badge
Ceremony. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am not desperate for the
activities as I was three or four years ago. We can now enjoy each Navigators
trek for its unique experience. But I remember a time, not all that long ago,
when something to do for a few hours on a weekend day would have felt like a
lifesaver. Though the challenges I have with my kids have decreased, when they
arise, it is other Navigator parents that I turn to for support. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I encourage others to participate in
the Rio Grande Navigators, or start a Navigator scouting group on your own
area, and become a part of our community.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ilyssa Bozza<o:p></o:p></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-11643790493236037132015-05-20T17:37:00.001-07:002015-05-20T17:41:46.354-07:00Free Therapy Tool!<div class="MsoNormal">
You know those mirror neurons you’re always hearing about reprogramming?
How about the rerouting of neuropathways? Good news! Adoptive mom, Kelly Matney,
has developed a great new therapy intervention to help re-frame the way your
child sees himself, his family and his world. (Yes, she’s a genius. No, she is not
a researcher or neuropsychologist.) It isn’t expensive and you don’t need to
order advertised equipment. You already have the tool- your smart phone. Kelly catches
her three littles while they are in “real child” mode- laughing, smiling,
playing, connecting with each other, connecting with their parents (lots of
selfies). Kelly takes a lot of photos. Then she deletes a lot of photos. The
ones she keeps are precious- loving looks between siblings, hugs with mom,
laughing at a joke with dad, fun in the snow, the backyard, the breakfast
table, the museum. (Even if you get only one keeper out of 50, it’s as simple as
hitting delete. 49 times. Lol) What is left is priceless. It is a chance to
show your child how beautiful he is, how much his parents delight in him, how
much fun you have together, and what a great family he has. If he missed those
moments gazing into your eyes as a newborn, he has an opportunity to do it now.
Because the trick is to make sure your child sees the photos. A lot. Make them into
an album, make them into a book, browse them on the phone together when you’re stuck in line
at the grocery store or doctor’s waiting room or snuggled up on the couch. Let
your child know how cute he is (even if he's 15) and how much you love your time together. Those
quick glimpses into the eyes of the child underneath the tantrums and
attitudes, the sweet softness as your child is sleeping, petting the dog, or
reading to his brother will change his opinion of himself and reinforce his
value in your family and his world. And what kid doesn’t love to look at photos
of himself?! Brilliant, Kelly. Brilliant.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-33793878400030433922015-05-05T17:27:00.003-07:002015-05-05T17:27:24.169-07:00Fiesta 101
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few years
ago, a group of adoption professionals, seeing the need, decided to create a
program to support adoptive parents. They wanted to make it available to all
adoptive families, not just those who had adopted through the state, but also privately,
internationally, and within their existing family structure. They wanted to
provide services to the entire family, including biological children with
adopted siblings. They wanted to tackle tough issues like grief and loss. Difficult
behavior. Race and culture. Mental health. Fiesta was the result. FIESTA is an
acronym for Family Activities, Information, Education, Support, and Training. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In the five
regions throughout the state, there are “Family Contacts,” who are adoptive
parents that organize at least four opportunities for families to get together
each quarter. These events are sometimes called, “Coffee and Chat,” or “Snack
and Chat” or may be something like attending a community event together,
meeting at a park or having a family game night. During a typical “Coffee and
Chat,” child care is provided free of charge for all of the children in the
family, adopted or not (because of liability, we are not allowed to provide
this service to kids in treatment care). Our child care staff has strict
guidelines like never being alone with a child, never putting a child in “time
out,” keeping confidentiality, and most importantly, facilitating a planned
schedule of activities so that each child has fun. The plan includes a short
lesson or theme, a small motor activity like a craft, a large motor activity
like a relay race, and plenty of time to socialize. Staff is prepared to engage
with babies to teens. While the kids are busy, the adults can get to know one
another, exchange stories and contact information to support each other through
the month. Other family activities allow the families to enjoy and participate
in a shared experience. Many long-lasting friendships have been formed through
these activities. This is the “F” in FIESTA.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The “I”
stands for information. Fiesta has a huge lending library of books and videos
for parents, children and professionals who serve adoptive families. We’ll even
pay for the shipping back and forth if you live outside of Albuquerque. You can
find the list of resources on our website, nmfiestaproject.org<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“E” is for
education. We have workshops in every region once a month. Topics include
attachment and trauma, discipline and nurture, understanding behavior, and self-care.
Workshops that have been helpful in the past few months have touched on topics
such as internet safety, IEPs, helping extended families to understand adoption
issues, the challenges of FASD, and respite. Our respite co-op is a group of
families who have attended this training and learned ways to be an effective “sending
parent” as well as a “receiving parent.” After this required training, families
are entered into a co-op where they can arrange respite among themselves. All
of our trainings count as required hours for CYFD families.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The “S”
stands for support. Besides the monthly networking events, Family Contacts are
available by phone to help parents find answers to questions about everything
from challenging behavior strategies to homework struggles. These fellow
adoptive parents don’t have all of the answers, but can help guide you to
professional help when needed or supply a listening ear. They can attend school
meetings as an advocate and note-taker, sit beside you in difficult meetings,
and sometimes even go to your home to brain-storm with you about situations you
may be facing. Other supports that families rely on are our face book group and
blog.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">T is for
Training. Once a year we provide a training in each region for professionals
who work with adoptive families. Free CEUs are offered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The “A”
means that all families are welcome- singles, kinship, LGBT, Spanish-speaking, and
the people who support them. We have a family contact that is designated to
support families who have members with disabilities. Pre-adoptive parents are
always welcome.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">New Mexico
Fiesta Project exists with only one purpose- to support, encourage, and equip
adoptive families in this state. Everything that we offer is free of charge and
the project is fully staffed by adoptive parents. Please browse our site and
borrow a book, plan to attend an event or training, or check us out on face
book. We’d love to meet you!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 107%;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-82880156209926875832015-04-09T11:15:00.002-07:002015-04-09T11:21:17.511-07:00It's Fishy<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I got sick once after eating crepes with seafood sauce in a
restaurant. I thought I would die. I remember lying on the bathroom floor,
unable to move, while four little kids were yelling for me just outside the
door. I was the only adult in the house and I wondered if any of them would
remember how to dial 911 if it came down to it. I survived, but my love of
shrimp in creamy sauce didn’t. That was 30 years ago, and I haven’t eaten
anything like it since. You can tell me that it is delicious. You can assure me
that it’s safe, that you eat it all the time, that I have absolutely nothing to
fear, but I will decline. I will dig my heels in and refuse. Yes, I know that
it’s perfectly safe. Yes, I realize it isn’t logical. But my brain is all flashing
red lights and loud sirens. Danger! Stand back from the seafood! It doesn’t
even sound good.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">One of my kids is fearful. Her fear-behavior doesn’t often look
like defiance or control or disrespect (and for that I am grateful), it looks
like fear. She is afraid to go down to the basement, afraid to take the trash
outside at night, afraid of the coyotes that might come into the backyard and
eat her, afraid to speak to someone she doesn’t know (or sometimes someone she
does). It’s sad to see and hard to fix. How do you convince someone that there
is nothing to be afraid of? It’s been especially bad recently because of some
changes that have happened in her world. (She’s afraid of change.) I thought to
myself the other day, “After all these years of helping her feel safe, why is
she still so fearful? It’s perfectly safe. It’s not logical.” But then I
remembered the seafood crepes and as the nausea hit me, so did a flash of
realization. Her brain is all flashing red lights and loud sirens and it takes
time and intension to overcome that. Her experience is not based on a one-time
food poisoning trauma. It is based on too many experiences to count, some that
she will never remember. Experiences that woke her toddler-self every night for
months with the most heartbreaking, terrified screaming imaginable. Experiences
that caused her to startle and cry out, wide-eyed, whenever the doorbell rang
or the dog barked.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then I think of other kids- the ones whose fear does look
like defiance, lying, stealing and control. Their brains are also all flashing
red lights and sirens- not always easy to put into perspective in the heat of
the battle, but still there to provide a way to survive. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I need to remember that logic isn’t involved in what our
kids believe about safety. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-size: large;">I might even order the shrimp next time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-57574921709484597932014-10-27T09:23:00.000-07:002014-10-27T09:23:01.381-07:00From Place to Place
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">The Gallup group watched and discussed the DVD, "From Place
to Place" on Saturday, Oct. 25. This is a DVD about 3 adults who
aged out of the foster care system. One young man lived much of his adult
life in jail. Another young man lived his life on the streets and had a
very difficult life, always seeking love and desiring family. A third
young woman, very much desired a forever family, someone who would love her
forever. She did get her GED and started college but as the documentary
ended she was taking a break from school and was working three jobs and already
had one broken relationship. The bright spot of this DVD was that two of
these young adults were invited to be a part of national forums to give input
for foster care reform. They felt pride and self-esteem because they were
making a difference for future children in the foster care system. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p><span style="font-size: small;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 14pt;">The DVD, while difficult to watch because of the pain in these
young adults' lives, helped to revision us about the importance of the work we
do. Even though we see the struggles of children who have become a part of
forever families through adoption, we could see how much greater the pain can
be for children who never have a forever family. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
Brian Kruis, Fiesta Contact in GallupCarol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-67916939610448271742014-10-15T18:47:00.004-07:002014-10-15T18:47:47.735-07:00Finding Your Rhythm
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">As an 18 year old young mom, I was clueless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really didn’t know what I didn’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Diapers, sleepless nights, teething, and
don’t get me started on the terrible twos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Eventually, we found our rhythm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
a 42 year old adoptive mom, I was clueless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I really didn’t know what I didn’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tears (both theirs and mine), fears (real
and imagined), slow to trust, sweet and loving one minute/stubborn and defiant
the next, tantrums (both theirs and mine).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have discovered that the things that worked with the older
kid have no impact on the younger kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There are days I find myself frustrated when nothing seems to work and I
can’t get through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I hear “Mom,
guess what happened at school today”, and I know we’ll be ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have to have all of the answers and
that’s ok.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finding our rhythm this time
around is a little trickier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some days
it is like navigating a mine field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
most days it is such a blessing, filled with laughter and playfulness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
April ChavezCarol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-26098368294506033822014-09-17T08:17:00.000-07:002014-09-17T08:24:00.146-07:00The Cost of Healing Trauma<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">One of my favorite Authors, Bryan Post, said
recently in a training video </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">that trauma has the ability to impact people for the
rest of their lives </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">regardless of whether it was a physical trauma or an
emotional trauma. </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Whether the harm came from a wound of omission or
wound of commission, we </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">all bear the scars of our past.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As a Mamma to five kids- three biological, who were
all born into a loving </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">and supportive environment and two sweet blessings
who are originally from </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Ethiopia, I have firsthand knowledge of how kids
behave differently in a </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">number of situations based on their history.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">No one escapes a trauma as significant as a
separation from a </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">birth parent without causing trauma. Our bodies
respond from the trauma by </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">means of coping or dissociating. Coping.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">As a Fiesta Family Contact, I sometimes receive very
</span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">panicked calls from families struggling with the
kids they dearly </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">love. These kids, just like my own, have been in a
stable environment for </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">several years yet there is very little peace in the
home. Their behaviors ebb </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">and flow just like all kids but the contrast is
evident. The inability to </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">cope with change. The need to hoard food. The
perpetual insecurities that </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">plague their little hearts. The need to never be
alone; or, always looking to </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">tune-out. They need structure, routine and grace. It
requires a </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">parenting style that is different and often seems illogical.
<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">And yet, in the midst of the constantly changing
mystery of therapeutic </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">parenting, there are tiny victories. As years of
stability begin to </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">wrap around their bodies- their bodies are telling
them it is ok to let </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">that guard down. And they do so, slowly. Remember
our kids are always healing </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">and growing. You are changing the trajectory of
their lives, by allowing them </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">the time and patience to go through this grief. As
we transition back to </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">school, remember to keep your schedule mellow and
calm so that they have </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">space in their lives to process through their
trauma. One day, one hour, and </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">one conversation at a time!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">*Sarah Sanchez *<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">505-681-3364<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">For updated info check out my blog at
SanchezSeven.wordpress.com</span>Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-69170215666779847192014-09-16T12:40:00.000-07:002014-09-16T12:40:01.123-07:00Surviving Our BlessingsWe know we are blessed to have our families. I can't imagine being without my quirky family, my husband and I being alone- and having free time, discretionary income and peace and quiet. I'd like to imagine it, but I can't.<br />
<br />
And having gone through some pretty tough times with my kids, I've given a LOT of thought as to how to keep myself going so I can help my family keep going. And what it comes down to is this: I HAVE to take the time to recharge. It's not optional. It's not selfish. It's not uncaring. It is essential.<br />
<br />
If I wear out emotionally, or physically, or worse still, have a temper tantrum, I risk damaging the hard-earned attachment formed between me and my child. I risk reminding them of the unsafe situations they have come through. I would not tell you I've never been there, been at that temper tantrum phase. I was raised not to lie. But I WILL tell you that I have learned to guard against "going there." I've learned to assess my needs and take care to at least TRY to meet them. I stay away from "the edge."<br />
<br />
I've learned that I am a much nicer person, much better mom if I regularly commune with my sewing machine. I am kinder and smile more if I take the time to put even the tiniest drawing or watercolor in my art journal. And I couldn't do without my weekly "therapy" sessions at McDonald's or Carl's Jr when my most excellent friend and fellow adoptive mom joins me to solve the problems of the world and our children (unfortunately, they never stay solved.)<br />
<br />
People being so different, what works for me and gives me something to smile about could be quite different for you. My husband doesn't even sew on buttons, and while he's amazing with a straight-edged ruler and a technical pencil, wouldn't pick up a watercolor brush if his life depended on it. No, his thing is football and re-runs of the History Channel with a little puttering and home repair work thrown in. Fortunately, the kids and I break plenty or toilets and towel bars for him to repair.<br />
<br />
Do your family a favor- keep those batteries recharged. Check the Fiesta calendar and join us in trainings, activities and events this fall.<br />
<br />
Phyllis RadtkeCarol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-27848995258171289992014-09-16T05:15:00.001-07:002014-09-16T05:15:45.257-07:00<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
Looking Forward to a great Fall with Fiesta in the Gallup
Area with these Great Events:<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u style="text-underline: thick;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">October
Training:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>10 Brain-based Strategies to
Help Children Handle Their Emotions</span></u></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u style="text-underline: wave;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"> </span></u></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>with Tina Payne Bryson Ph.D. <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">When</span></b><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">: Saturday
Octover 4, 3-6 p.m.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Where :</span></b><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"> To be
announced<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">CEU’s and/or
training certificates will be available. Please <u>RSVP by Wed Oct 1</u> by
calling or texting to Brian Kruis (505-488-8697) or Sheila Kruis (505-488-8696)
or email us @ </span><a href="mailto:bpkruis@yahoo.com"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="color: blue;">bpkruis@yahoo.com</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><u><span style="color: blue;"> </span></u></span></span><span style="color: black;">or</span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><u><span style="color: blue;"> </span></u></span></span><a href="mailto:skruis@gmcs.k12.nm.us"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="color: blue;">skruis@gmcs.k12.nm.us</span></span></a><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u style="text-underline: thick;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">November
Training:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>10 Things<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Adoption Search and Reunion</span></u></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"> with Sharon
Roszia MS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">When:</span></b><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"> Saturday Nov.
15 2-5 p.m.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Where:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grace
Bible Church, </span></b><span style="background: white; color: #545454; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">222 E Boulder Rd. Gallup, NM 87301<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: black; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Training
certificates will be available. Please <u>RSVP by Wed Nov 12 </u>by calling or
texting to Brian Kruis (505-488-8697) or Sheila Kruis (505-488-8696) or email
us @ </span><a href="mailto:bpkruis@yahoo.com"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="color: blue;">bpkruis@yahoo.com</span></span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><u><span style="color: blue;"> </span></u></span></span><span style="color: black;">or</span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><u><span style="color: blue;"> </span></u></span></span><a href="mailto:skruis@gmcs.k12.nm.us"><span style="background: white; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><span style="color: blue;">skruis@gmcs.k12.nm.us</span></span></a></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-74230833030215374712014-09-16T04:53:00.001-07:002014-09-16T04:53:06.343-07:00WOW! WOW! WOW!That's the main thing I can say. WOW! Judy Deinema, Occupational Therpist<br />from Albuquerque came to Gallup on Saturday, September 13 to do a training on Sensory<br />Integration issues. She gave practical ideas for students who are overwhelmed<br />with everything coming at them. How do we help them focus, calm down,<br />redirect?<br /><br />THE COMMUNITY IS HUNGRY to learn practical ideas for helping kids. We<br />opened this training up for adoptive families and professionals who work with<br />our kids. The training was on a Saturday so we didn't expect a great response<br />from professionals- but were we ever wrong!! We had more people wanting to come<br />than we could handle. We allowed 45 people to come to the training: teachers,<br />special ed, pre-school teachers, counselors, shadows,<br />assistants, and professionals are looking for practical answers!!!<br /><br />THEIR RESPONSE?? Overwhelming positive evaluations. Every participant<br />thought it was helpful. So many said, "We need more of this." Some said,<br />"This should be mandatory for every new teacher".<br /> <br />WOW! What a valuable day!! Thanks so much Judy for sharing your knowledge!<br /><br />Have a great day!<br />
Brian KruisFIESTA FAMILY CONTACThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12013943059935077016noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-52891166591611567362014-07-31T20:41:00.001-07:002014-09-16T05:13:14.105-07:00SOMEONE ELSE’S RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CHILD<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is nice when friends or professionals take notice
of how special our children are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
parts of their personality connect with another adult, it can be some relief to
parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the flip side of that, I
have had ‘friends’, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘professionals’, and
even family-members subtly cross that line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You know, when you just have that nagging gut feeling that something isn’t
right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I process those times, I
realize that I am starting to realize some very important lessons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My child cannot afford for me to ignored
these lessons.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have noticed that some individuals are drawn to
children that seem to need extra help of some sort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The children sometimes have struggling
relationship with their parents or other adults.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The children may have a challenging
personality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These adults may feel a
connection to the child that reminds them of an unmet need from their childhood.
Their intentions may be benign, but if not kept in check, there are potential
for problems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The non-parent might feel
they are better equipped to meet the child’s need even more than the parent. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, I do not know a way to measure
this but it becomes dangerous when the need they are longing to meet is their
own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course, these situations can be placed on a
spectrum- small problems to major problems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not all of these situations cross over the line to some sort of
abuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, what are we worried
about?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One thing that is very important
to keep in mind is that not everyone who is building a relationship with your
child is a potential problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mentoring
has a very powerful place in a child/youth’s life, as long as it is safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Two of my children have had adults in their lives that
have crossed the line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once all was
taken care of, one of the realities that I learned was that my child really did
want me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They did not want secrets, even
though there were fun things that came with secrets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were so relieved and I watched the
stress leave their bodies, when I took control of the situations.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The number rule is to follow your gut.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it concern or fear?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it is fear, it might be your own ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">stuff’</i> bubbling up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it is concern, talk to a trusted balanced
person in your life; talk through it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More
than likely, clarity will come.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Is your child young?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Does your child have attachment struggles?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They need you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you like your child and spend quantity
and quality time with them?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other people
can pick up on these subtleties too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you find out there are secrets being kept, or ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">special’</i> things between an adult friend and your child, this is a
huge warning sign.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not usually the
overt signs that we have a hard time seeing, but the subtle signs.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For me, one of the important lessons in these
situations is not just to know what to watch for, but to ask where my relationship
with my child is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does my child
experience daily acceptance, enjoyment, and love from a relationship with
me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can easily live in fear of the lurking ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Boogey Man/Woman’</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can spend a lot of energy in being angry
and resentful at those adults who cross those lines.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The greatest reminder for me is me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where is my responsibility in all of
this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I easy for my child to
approach?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I too busy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is my resentment building up towards a
difficult child?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are all great
things to be mindful of.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The other point to remember is our children that we
have adopted come from a place of brokenness and neediness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They give off signals that, more than likely,
they do not recognize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be sensitive to those
you surround yourself with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Be aware of
who is around your kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not down-play
when they are uncomfortable or really drawn to certain adults. It is always our
job to keep them safe and to teach along the way to be aware.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">YOU are who and what, your child needs.</span></span></div>
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monica Cohu</span></span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></span></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-90264855755045032762014-06-01T20:41:00.004-07:002014-06-01T21:49:36.480-07:00Parenting and Family FunWhen our kids are difficult, snarky, super challenging or - dare I say it?- raging, about the last thing we want to do is have fun with them. Fun- what's that? In our heart-of-hearts we'd probably rather be about a million miles away.<br />
<br />
But does that solve the problem? No. As their parents, we still have to work through their behaviors and their acting-out, and at the same time that we're raising our "children of trauma," re-build their childhoods with memory-making fun activities.<br />
<br />
It's up to us to show our children what CAN be, what fun is.<br />
They need us to build memories with them. Memories of camping and Wet 'N Wild, and blowing bubbles in the back yard, wrestling with the dog, planting tomatoes, and smearing icing all over the counter when we make those chocolate cupcakes.<br />
<br />
I've got seven kids- six adopted- and heaven knows I've made my fair share of mistakes while raising them. I learned as I want along, so I didn't usually make the same mistake twice. But the mistake that I truly grieve is letting my snarkiest kid get away with "killing" the family fun. That was SO unfair to him. <br />
<br />
(Yes, I said to Him)<br />
<br />
If I had it to do over, I would have drug him along on the usual family outings, and if he needed to be on the periphery, scowling, while the rest of the family had fun, so be it. At least he would have had the OPPORTUNITY for fun, would have seen what fun looks like; the rest of the family would have had fun : and with his flair for editing and re-writing the past, I can imagine that by now, as a 20+ year old he will have written himself into the memories.<br />
<br />
We aim- during Fiesta training child care- to give your child fun, educational experiences. Our trained therapeutic child care providers will do their best to make the hours together pleasant and memory making. You will have fun, too. Join us for our next fun event!<br />
<br />
Phyllis Wood RadtkeCarol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-12379156939388353412014-05-27T09:48:00.003-07:002014-05-27T09:48:42.196-07:00Regulation Deficit
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span> </div>
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We talk much about trauma
being a “developmental disorder” because it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is important to recognize in our children the deficit of being able to
regulate themselves (keep their thinking, emotions and behavior under control).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the biggest arguments that I hear
against practicing therapeutic, or attachment parenting is, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My child can control himself when he wants
to or when he wants something”.</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Looking at a child’s behavior from a purely external view shows the
statement to appear correct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This sets
the stage for uses of punishment and consequences, which in turn sets the
relationship up for failure. Why do traditional techniques and strategies seem
to work with some children?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some do for
a temporary fix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are they really training
our children and youth to calm themselves in healthy ways, for the
long-term?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Science has taught us that
if a child is not experiencing consistent calm peace, their neurochemistry of
chaos cannot change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For years, sometimes longer than we parents
realize, we are to be containment for our children’s feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is our job to be their “internal
regulator.” With relationship comes the ability to speak into their lives. At
specific times we begin to teach them how to regulate their own feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We step into sharing the containing, then
eventually we hand the job over to them.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you are at the store and your
child begins to be disruptive (in any way) you usually give a verbal warning or
a look.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Stop it</i>!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As moments continue,
the child begins the behaviors again. Your frustration increases, along with
feeling the lack of control flowing away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>After several times, you may give a threat, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you don’t stop that, you will lose TV tonight</i>”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or you might try bribery, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you can control yourself until we get to
the car, I’ll buy you a candy bar</i>”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These techniques can work for a period of time. That is why we use them
again and again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, they
only work for short spurts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are not
teaching internal regulation skills and they are not building a mutual
relationship between you and your child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It actually places pressure between the two of you. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">First of all, the use of
punitive consequences can come from a feeling of losing control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The parent cannot get her child to behave the
way the parent is comfortable with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Then, as the behaviors continue to come up, bribes and threats continue,
the parent begins to feel like a failure, and possibly resentful of the child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In turn, the child’s anxiety increases and he
experiences hurt and anger.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now, let us take a look what
is going inside the brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our children
that come from compromised beginnings measure dangerously high levels of cortisol
(stress hormone) and their oxytocin (love hormone) is measured dangerously in
deficit levels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Look at how the technique of
bribery works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The child is stressed
(negative behavior). The parent gives into the candy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a short oxytocin release (the child
feels good) but the child has not learned how to regulate her emotions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the sugar kicks in, behaviors begin to
increase. Then the sugar drops, and behaviors continue to increase.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, a bigger-better external means of regulation
is needed, and so on and so on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When
this calming wears off, it met by the release of more cortisol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The child begins to see external means as
regulation (very similar to how addictions work), instead of increasing
oxytocin through relationship. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Points
and rewards work this way also.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes when we use these traditional techniques, they work for a
while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A child may hold it together as
long as she can, then out of exhaustion, she cannot anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Consequences work in a
similar neurological way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A negative
behavior occurs. More cortisol is released.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A consequence is given, more cortisol floods the brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We take away or send away (time out), even more
cortisol is produces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The use of
relationship to regulate is not happening or being taught.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cortisol is now rushing through our child.
Survival is in control.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Relationship is not about techniques.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is about being in-tune to where you are emotionally
and where your child is emotionally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This is how a child will learn regulation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Regulation through relationship only
counteracts cortisol by releasing oxytocin, but builds up reserves of
oxytocin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is self-regulation. We
cannot just look at what we see externally, but understand what is internal. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div align="left" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: 92.25pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Monica Cohu<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-26397623559337762972014-05-24T09:43:00.001-07:002014-05-24T09:43:07.842-07:00Food Issues, Mommy Glasses, and the Movies
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We went to the movies today. I was excited because I only
had the two little kids with me- everything is easier with two kids instead of
five. Frankly, over these last few years, attending the theatre with two
toddlers with attachment issues has been a battle. The tension oozing from my
youngest was tangible and lasted from the second we entered the theatre until
long after we had left. They have been in our home for 4 ½ years now, and as I
waited in the concession line for the lady in front of me to order 97 separate
items, I had time to analyze how my parenting approach had changed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I choose to take the kids out to the movies because most of
us enjoy it immensely, but to keep within the budget we go to the dollar
theatres and we share popcorn and drinks. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is simple, efficient, affordable and fun.
If we stay within these guidelines we can go to the movies regularly. The family
has talked this through and the kids are happy to share if it means getting to
attend more frequently! Happy Kids + Happy Mom=Win/Win<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Enter into the
scenario a traumatized toddler with food and anxiety issues. As we settled into
our first movie three or so years ago, I had all the kids seated. I had
explained to the kids that as soon as the movie started I would go stand in
line and bring back popcorn and soda. I was the only adult, so I wanted to be
gone in the concession line for the least amount of time possible. My little
man started in, “I want a drink, I want popcorn, I want coke, where is the
coke, why can’t I have popcorn?” And for the next 10 minutes it felt like he
was standing there with a fire hose drowning me with his verbal demands. He was
so insistent and worked up that he was crying, sobbing, completely unable to
regulate himself. We were already in melt-down mode so I left him with an older
sibling and sprinted to the line and came back with 2 sodas and a large
popcorn- crisis averted. Right? Oh no! If someone dared ask for the soda to be
passed down for a sip he would be sobbing and obsessed with holding it AND the
popcorn. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s pause this
story for a moment. This is emotional tension on steroids. This emotional
tension was exhausting for me. I wasn’t used to living in an environment where
there was so much chaos, and especially over something so simple. For the first
few years of parenting our traumatized (post-orphanage) kids, I was convinced
that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they</i> were the reasons for the
disconnect. Obviously right? Healthy, normal kids don’t often act like their
life is in danger at the thought of sharing a soda at a theatre. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have since learned
to change my expectations and movie strategies. I already know in advance that
all my kids have strengths and weaknesses. Food is a tender area for this
little man. I could have had him share a soda today and he would have survived.
But survival sucks. I don’t want my kids doing the minimum, I want them to
thrive. So I bought that boy his very own large soda AND I let him hold the
popcorn. Because it isn’t about the soda at all. It is about loss. And he has
allowed me to look into his little heart, and what he is capable of saying to
me at this time is, “I need more- more time, more hugs, more love, more
attention, more structure, more food, more snacks, more, more, more.” This used
to drive me crazy, and it still does sometimes. But I can look at his cries for
soda and put on my special super-duper-Mommy glasses and see that what he is
really saying is that he is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">still scared</i>.
And I’m truly thankful for the fact that he is voicing his needs. Emotions and
fear are hard to process, even for adults. If I shut him down, I’m never going
to get to that next layer, because I guarantee you there is more coming. Grief
and loss can be an invisible wave that washes slowly into your psyche or it can
be a tidal wave that rocks you so hard your head is spinning. The waves of
grief that surround our traumatized kids are always there and it is up to us as
parents to look past the behaviors and realize that these kids have different
needs than the ones who were rocked and cooed at during infancy. Sometimes it
is a simple fix like plopping $6 for a large soda. But it is bridging the gaps
in his brain. As we continually meet these demands, his little brain is forming
new pathways, he is learning to relax, and he is learning to trust. Not bad for
6 bucks! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just to test my
little experiment, I asked if his sister could have a sip of his orange soda
about 30 minutes into the movie. And while he complied, I could see his fear
filled eyes reengage instantly. That is where he is; it makes me sad for him.
Bryan Post says that “trauma has the ability to impact us for the rest of our
lives.” It is completely true. Do not be fooled, time does not heal all wounds.
Relationship, eye contact, routine, consistency, can begin to heal some losses-
but only if we are mindful of what is driving the behavior. -Sarah Sanchez<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-37737062322102453372014-03-21T13:53:00.001-07:002014-03-21T13:53:33.944-07:00Top 10 Things to Do When Your Child is Out of Control<a href="http://dtross.blogspot.com/2014/03/alamogordo-training-32314-2pm-at.html"><span style="color: #2288bb;">Alamogordo Training 3/23/14, 2pm at the Alameda Park Zoo in Alamogordo NM</span></a> <br />
<div class="post-header">
<div class="post-header-line-1">
</div>
</div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-4781864377622498964" itemprop="description articleBody">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: purple;"><span><span style="background-color: white;"><span><span style="color: #674ea7;"><i><b>If you have an out of control child, then you need to be at the Alameda Park Zoo at 2 pm this Sunday, the 23rd of March. Serena Talamentes will be presenting a class on things to do when you have an out of control child. Come join us and bring your out of control child with you. Our well qualified childcare attendants will entertain them while Serena gives you precious nuggets of instruction on how to deal with out of control behavior without pulling your hair out or pulling </b></i><b>their<i> hair out! We will provide a light lunch for you and your child. CE hours will be awarded, also. While Serena instructs us in the AFOTZ (Alamogordo Friends of the Zoo) classroom, your children will be allowed to go into the zoo with our childcare attendants. They will enjoy games, exercise and seeing the zoo animals - and maybe come back with some awesome feathers! So, if you're like me and need help with out of control behavior, run - don't walk - to the Alameda Park Zoo this Sunday and get some helpful tidbits from Serena. You can RSVP to me, "T.", at 575-491-7246 to save your space in the class. Hurry and get there, but don't speed because if you get a ticket, we may see an out of control adult! C'Ya Soon......."T."</i></b></span></span></span></span></span></div>
</div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-18100251899010093262014-03-11T18:43:00.000-07:002014-03-11T18:43:15.205-07:00Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alcohol and trauma are a bad combination, but all too often
kids who have suffered prenatal trauma due to their mother’s stressful
circumstances also suffer neurological damage because of the way she used
alcohol to cope with the stress. Dr. Kodi and Dr. Kodi, neurobehavioral
psychologists from UNM, (and married tag-team instructors) explained to a group
of adoptive parents in Albuquerque that the consumption of alcohol by women who
are pregnant is still happening in spite of public education, service
announcements and media attention. Most women know that drinking alcohol when
they’re pregnant is a bad thing. Often instead of this knowledge resulting in
changed behavior however, it results in denial. The doctors said that many
women will readily admit to using a variety of drugs while pregnant, but few
will admit to using alcohol. That was one surprising fact among many- binge
drinking is worse than daily intake, thinner drinkers pass on more alcohol to
their babies than heavier ones, younger moms are at less risk than older moms
for having a child with FAS, alcohol is by far the most dangerous of drugs to
use when pregnant and a child can have FAS without the facial features that
accompany it, depending on when in the pregnancy the mother was drinking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But this wasn’t just a training on neurology and interesting
facts, even though there were plenty of pictures of the brain, charts and graphs
and real science, and those things are important to know about. The best thing
about the training was the hope available to parents who are raising kids with
alcohol issues. Kids with FAS need their environments to be quiet and calm, not
stimulating. Their brains cannot take in too much at a time, so a parent needs
to slow down and give a child a chance to process a request. Social stories and
visual schedules are good techniques for these kids. They may have a hard time
understanding cause and effect, so teaching these things as early as possible
can prevent them from becoming a problem in the teen years. It’s good to know
that resources are available through UNM to get a good diagnosis, behavioral
strategies and gain better understanding of the condition. Please call me if
you want to learn more… (505) 270-6219<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Carol Gloetznerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14381071177412029952noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7317322685690106473.post-32176671167841711212014-02-27T10:10:00.002-08:002014-02-27T10:10:35.152-08:00VALENCIA COUNTY SUPPORT GROUP Sometimes it's good to get together and just talk! We may laugh, we might cry - heck we could find ourselves laughing and crying at the same time! Parenting kids with trauma backgrounds is not for the weak of heart! Please join us for dinner around 5:30 @ the LaFamilia/Namaste building - 40 Hob Rd in Los Lunas. (FREE child care). Check out the NMFIESTAPROJECT.ORG calendar for more information.FIESTA FAMILY CONTACThttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12013943059935077016noreply@blogger.com0