HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2012

We have our first training of the year for ABQ and a new group.

"CIRCLE OF SECURITY" w/ Leah Brouwers

Saturday, January 7th, Noon to 4 pm Find out more by visiting

www.circleofsecurity.net

Lunch Provided/ Child Care up to 20.

Please RSVP to Monica @ 235-7261 or

monica.cohu@la-familia-inc.org

Mom's of Teens Group

Tuesday, January 10th, 6 to 8:30 pm

Sometimes it's hard to know the difference between

trauma behavior and hormones.

Please call Carol @ 270-6219 (no child care provided)

Our Fiesta Facebook Village

If you’re not a member of out facebook group- join! We are so excited about the way it has become a place meet with other adoptive parents, anytime, day or night. This past week, an adoptive parent posted, for the first time, about the difficulty she is having with her child. Within hours of her post , there were 12 comments, encouraging her and welcoming her to the group. Here are some of them.

“….you've found a place to call home. We understand truly what you face day in and day out...we do it, too. Here you will find support, resources, trainings, respite, and the list goes on. Both NM Fiesta and La Familia have given me validation, wisdom, experience and this list goes on, too. Welcome. Come to the trainings. Come to mom/dads monthly group. It ALL helps.”

“That you're here on this site is 1/4 of the battle. There are great resources and lots of support for adoptive parents in New Mexico, much of it available through the Fiesta Project. Post away, and good luck.”

“Yes, I ditto what the others say! If nothing else I'm a good listener and I truly think you'll get the support you need from this fantastic group especially since no-one judges. Lots of love and luck xxxx”

I hope she was blown away by the welcome and overwhelming support she received. I know I was.

The face book group has become a place to share successes and frustrating days. It’s a place to ask questions on everything from finding a good pre-school in your area, information on IEPs and ADD, to how to handle the death of a pet with a child who has experienced too much loss. People are free to share their opinions on topics such as the use of medication, video games, and eye doctors. There are book suggestions, great quotes, information on Fiesta trainings, and links to interesting studies and blogs.

Here’s a recent comment by an adoptive parent-

“I have heard it said that courage is not being fearless but rather being afraid and doing it anyway. I propose that loving our children does not mean never getting angry but choosing a loving response in spite of our anger, being patient does not mean we never get irritable but that we choose to deal with the irritation and allow our children and ourselves the space to try again. I don't know if that means anything to the rest of you but since I am still struggling with being human I thought I would post this for myself, if no one else.”

To join, go to our webpage and click on “Facebook” from the main menu. You have two options- Fiesta Group or Book Club. (Hey! While you’re at it, might as well join the Book Club, too!) When you click, it will immediately connect you to the facebook group, where you can ask to join. It is a closed group. That way, we can control who can view it. You don’t have to worry about your mother-in-law, neighbor, or high school buddy looking into a personal part of your life. If you have any trouble, call any family contact. We’d love to have you become part of our “village.”

Respite Co-op

The next training for region 3 is coming up on December 3rd, 2-5:30 p.m. for any adoptive parents who want to join! Contact Carol 1-888-298-7562 to find out more info about how the co-op works and to rsvp. Child care provided.

Some days are Hard...

Today I'm posting an email I received from a FIESTA family...how many of you can relate? How do you keep your head up when things are difficult?


I am exhausted today – things have been on edge with my kiddo and at every corner I find her trying to control, manipulate and turn our otherwise happy home into a state of chaos. I am trying to work through the process. But after the last few months I am having a hard time. Today I feel like she has had plenty of time , many years of therapy, and a loving family by her side and yet the ugly words and burning looks are still prevelant. Today I am tired. I want things to change but how? How does a child with RAD choose to make the first step to connection. That place where life is amazing and the child you longed for has become the child you have.
Today like many days I mourn the loss of a beautiful soul that may never know just how good a mother’s love is.
Since we have changed up our therapeutic parenting there are many new places which she is learning quickly to manipulate.
So I muster up every ounce of compassion I have and work towards loving her-choosing love over anger and resentment! It is not easy because I am angry – I am angry that this precious child has been disformed beyond recognition by the ghosts in her past. I resent that I want to love her – I want to do “normal” things with her-I resent that I want them more than her. It is hard to look at the 6 year old that plays dirty – and is wrapped in a teenagers body. The six year old who cant formulate sentences, make good choices and runs for any sign of connection.
But I try – everyday I try – everyday I move forward even if only an inch. Now, I know I am not alone. I have a good support network! I have people who understand what it’s like to live with a child from a hard place, and for now I still have my sanity!

Book Club in Las Cruces focusing on The Connected Child....

For more information including times and location contact Amy Himelright, LPCC.
575-639-1323
adoptnewmexico@gmail.com

Big Issues, Small Issues...

Oh no… not another dentist analogy....

Last year, my husband and I went out of town with another couple. Our friend has a chronic, invisible, terminal disease. He had to sit down quite often, while the rest of us ran around shopping, and sightseeing. During the trip, I got a toothache. I was miserable. It started out as an annoyance and then grew to point that I couldn’t eat and couldn’t enjoy myself, absorbed in the pain. It put me in a weird position. Do I whine and complain about my little problem, while my friend is concerned with trying to stay alive? His problem is way more serious, but my problem is affecting my life today. I know that in a few days, with a visit to the dentist, my problem will go away. It’s not going to kill me, I know it will get better, but on that day, it took over my life.

I’ve had a couple of conversations with moms this past week that made me think back to that situation. One was from the mother of a four-year-old. Her son is having a hard time in his preschool class, saying he doesn’t want to go, clinging to her when she leaves. She is upset, she can’t sleep, her face has lines of worry. She wants her son to be happy during the day. “Is this from early trauma?” she wonders. “Is this just typical behavior, or do I need to pull him out and keep him closer? What is the right thing to do?” She knows that in a few days, with some visits to the preschool, her problem will go away. It’s not going to kill her, she knows it will get better, but on that day, it took over her life.

The other conversation was with a mom who has a teenaged son. She is concerned that he doesn’t do well in math and prefers video games. She worries that he will not do well in high school, that his life is becoming unbalanced. She wants to make sure that her expectations are realistic, but that she does not let him slide through life, irresponsible. It is a huge problem for her. She knows that in a few days, with some conversations with her son, her problem will go away. It’s not going to kill her, she knows it will get better, but on that day, it took over her life.

When you’re with other adoptive parents, sharing stories, does it sometimes seem like your problems are trivial? When I hear stories of kids screaming obscenities at their parents, cutting themselves, getting kicked out of preschool for sexual behavior or smearing feces over the walls of their rooms, my issues seem too insignificant to mention. What’s a little bed-wetting or slammed door compared to these things? But here’s what I think- the problem I’m having with my child might not be as serious as some, but it’s MY child and MY problem and it’s big to me right now. My hope is that in Fiesta’s discussions, whether online or in a training or group, parents will be comfortable sharing struggles. If it’s your problem, it’s big to you and worth bringing up.

Here we go again!

So here we are, absolutely stable- no meltdowns, no lying, no stealing, (in this case, no throwing up at the table just to have control, cutting up new clothes, or kicking the cat), minimal backtalk, and a respectful attitude 98% of the time. We've had no RAD behavior to speak of for weeks, months and now into a year. And except for an occasional recurrance of habitual arguing and a lie here and there, I'm thinking we are cured! This is a practically perfect kid. We're home free! Life is good!

Well, we had a week of company over Balloon Fiesta week, out-of -town family with five kids from ages three to thirteen. They were lovely. We enjoyed a week of acting like New Mexico tourists and packed the days and stayed up late. Good times.

Toward the end of the week, I walked into my tween's room, to hear one of my other kids say, "What's that black stuff all over your face?" and my tween replied, "Nothing. There's no black stuff." Deja vu.

"Look at me," I say. Yep. There's black stuff all right. "What is that?"

"Nothing. There's no black stuff."

"Where's the rest of the mess?" I say, as a see a few spots peeking out from under a strategically place pile of shirts. I follow the spots to the closet where I find a large bird feather, some scissors, three decapitated gel pens, and a pile of paper. Oh. And lots of ink all over the floor.

"I was doing a craft project."

"Honey, you're first clue that something might be wrong is this- if you have to take your project into your closet and close the door, you probably shouldn't be doing it." We proceeded to talk about what was going on and I discovered that the five sweet kiddos visiting my house were doing some very normal, obnoxious kid stuff that set my fragile one over the edge.

Moral of the story- we cannot stop paying attention, never think that our job is accomplished, and not be surprised or react when things come back out of the dark, locked rooms in our child's life. Sometimes it doesn't take much to bring it all back. And by the way, it was only a moment of "crazy" and we're back on track with a few hugs, some good words, and a bottle of carpet cleaner.

FARMINGTON - Training

This Sunday, October 16th, 1 to 5 pm
"TRUST BASED PARENTING" W/ Dr. Purvis
- Felt Safety, Connecting through Play, Showing Respect, Asking not Telling, TIME IN instead of TIME OUT, Sibling Disputes, and more!Child Care, Lunch, and Training Hours Provided!Pls Call Wendy for details and to RESVP @ 888-299-3014

VALENCIA Training

Dr. Karyn Purvis, "Empowering, Connecting, & Correcting Principles"
This Friday Evening @ the CYFD building.
6 to 8:30 pm
Mexican Potluck. Please bring a dish to share.
FIESTA will provide drinks and dessert.
Child Care & Training Hours Provided!
Pls Call Monica @ 505-235-7261 to reserve your spot!

BINGO N' CHILI

This Saturday in Grants!
FIESTA will provide the chili and drinks
Please bring a dessert to share!
Call Carol to RVP @ 505-270-6219
THIS IS A FAMILY EVENT!!!

Things Aren't Always What They Seem

We had a lot of family and friends come in to celebrate our youngest child's adoption this past weekend. It was Wonderul! Lots of yummy food, lots of hugs and kisses, and gifts for our children. We all loved it! Our children were surrounded by people who dearly love them and celebrate them.

In the process, we had a reminder that some melt downs aren't always what they seem.
Our middle son was adopted 3 years ago. He has been with us 4 years. We have seen great and amazing changes of growth in him.

Sunday, one of his uncles, who has the same name as his beloved biological uncle - who disappeared out of his life this past year, had promised him to take him hiking. Our son was told he would do it after it warmed up. My son didn't hear that part. His new uncle went to go look at houses for a bit.

All of a sudden, my son became nasty and rude to me. ME, his sweet loving mommy (lol). I saw him gearing up, so I was keeping him close to me. I asked him to come sit by me, he wouldn't, which was asissited with some unkind words from him. So, everyone left the room, except he and I. After he began to calm down I asked him to come sit with me and after awhile, he did. I put him on my lap. He had big sad tears running down his face. I asked him what was he sad about. He talked about the promise of a hike and that it wasn't going to happen. I reminded him that his uncle would take him later. He angrily denied that it was said.

I hugged him and said, "He's not forgetting you. He's not leaving you. He's here." My son began to breathe deeply and more calm.

Finally, I saw that it had not been a temper tantrum, but that his little heart was breaking, yet again.

He and his uncle ended the day with kea great hike and a big smile.

Monica Cohu

Understanding Sexualized Behavior in Foster and Adopted Children

Training by Leah Brouwers, LMFT

Saturday, October 8th

Indian Hills Elementary

Gallup, NM

2-5 p.m.

Call 505-863-2645 for more information

Ask for Brian or Sheila

Free Passes to Mother Lode Sale

NM Fiesta Project has just gotten word that all of our favorite peeps can have free passes to the Mother Lode Sale! For more info visit their site at www.themotherloadsaleabq.com To get your free pass, just make sure that you are on our automatic email list, and we'll forward it to you! Not on the list? Send me your info at carol.gloetzner@la-familia-inc.org. Happy Shopping!

SEPT. 25TH - THIS SUNDAY

"Trust Based Parenting" Part II, Dr. Karyn Purvis
2 to 5 pm @ A. Montoya Elementary School in Tijeras
Italian Potluck (pls bring your favorite Italian dish to share)
IESTA will provide drinks and desserts.
CHILD CARE AVAILABLE.
Pls Call Monica @ 235-7261 to reserve your space.

Fear is fear...

The Root Canal: a Going-to–School Story by Carol Gloetzner


Imagine that you have dental phobia. Just getting your teeth cleaned gives you the heeby-jeebies. You’ve had a dull pain in your tooth, though, that keeps getting worse, causing you to wake up at night and making your usually sweet self a bit testy with your family and co-workers. So you force yourself to the dentist and he says you need a root canal and he can fit you in on Thursday. By Wednesday, you are an emotional mess. What to do? You have a little talk with yourself, “This will all be over soon. You can handle this.” You call the friend who can calm you the most and ask if she’ll drive you to the dentist. You work out for an hour at the gym. You have a glass of wine. Or two. On Thursday, you decide to bring your ipod and listen to your favorite calming music during the procedure. You wear that lavender perfume because you heard that it is a soothing smell. You have your favorite breakfast. You wear your most comfortable clothes. Still, your hands are clammy and your stomach is doing back-flips. You consider cancelling, but the pain is reminding you that it really needs to be done.


Now imagine that you get a phone call right before you leave. It’s the dentist’s office.

“I’m calling to let you know that the FDA just made a ruling. They have decided that it is unsafe to have anesthesia during a root canal. We still need to do the procedure; you just can’t have anything for the pain. We’ll see you at 10:30.” You throw up. You are terrified, shaking. You are making strange, loud noises. Your brain is unable to form a single thought. Your friend shows up at the door and seeing that you are a mess says, “What’s wrong with you! You get yourself into that car this minute! We are going to be late! Where are your shoes! Didn’t I tell you to put your shoes by the door?! Why isn’t your lunch made!? Quick! Find your library book! Where’s your homework?! Hurry! I’ve told you five times to tie those shoes!! Let’s go! LET’S GO! You’re going to have consequences for this behavior! Move it!”


Ten things you can do to make the morning easier…(Thanks, Traci Tippett)



Get everything ready the night before. Pick out the clothes (no reconsidering in the morning), pack the backpack, double check to make sure everything is ready. Have everything you need by the door or put it in the car.

Keep an extra pair of shoes in the car.

Add at least 20 minutes to get ready in the morning. If you have extra time, spend it doing something rewarding together.

Send a photo of the two of you together so that he can keep it in his pocket. Include a love note.

If you have a child on morning meds and you have noticed that it really helps, try giving it to your kiddo thirty minutes earlier and then let them sleep til time to wake up.

Have a weighted blanket on the car seat ready for snuggling.

Keep extra power bars on hand for kids who may need to chew on the way to school. Even chewing on a straw may help.

Think about the things you do to calm yourself when you’re afraid. Teach them to your child, concentrating on all the senses.

Having the same routine each day helps kids begin to feel empowered in the mornings. Unless it causes further stress, you could write it down or make a visual schedule using silly photographs. (crazy outfits or backwards clothes for getting dressed, brushing teeth while hanging upside down, silly faces, etc.)

Remember that your child’s defiance is probably a cover for deep fear. Make sure he knows that you are on his side and that the two of you will team up to help him cope.

Farmington event Saturday!! Call Wendy for more info...

Region 1 Farmington area is doing a Family Activity this weekend! A Night at the Races! Aztec Speedway Saturday Night @ 6pm! Please give me a call to RSVP... We had lots of fun last time!

This Friday Night (September 16th) @ La Familia

DINNER & A MOVIE NIGHT!!!
Dr. Karyn Purvis, "PLayful Parenting"
PotLuck: Stews, Salads, & Muffins (FIESTA will provide drinks)
PJ Party for the kids. Girls need to wear pj pants or shorts.
Pls bring their pillow and blanket!
6 to 8:30
Child Care limited
Pls RSVP to Monica @ 505-235-7261!
See You There!!!

IS LOVE ENOUGH?

I've been thinking about the trauma 'our' kids endure .... I have a son- not by birth, not even by adoption - but by love, pure, unending love. I want to erase his hard stuff - I want to kiss his hurts and make it all better .... I can't. Love just isn't enough .... Is anything 'enough'? My heart is breaking today - my son is spending his 22nd birthday in a hard place -- I know he spends most every day in a hard place! His dad and I tried to love him 'til he was better .... we both tried to 'normalize' his life. His dad is an amazing man - loving without receiving anything but anger in return .... is my son worth it? YOU BET! He is my child - he is GOD's CHILD!

Ready to add more play to your day?

I don't know about you, but I tend to take life way too seriously. I have "important" things to do, "urgent" messages to return, laundry, shopping...go, go, go! I don't take nearly enough time to sit down on the floor and play cars, tackle my little girl into a tickle fight, or just pause, be silly and laugh! So when I ran across the book by Lawrence Cohen, "Playful Parenting," I ordered a copy. And when I started to look through it, I decided that it was destined to be our next Book Club selection. We have several copies in the Fiesta library, or you can order it on Amazon.

I know, I know, it's been a long time since I organized another book and topic. So if this is the first you've heard of the book club, send me an email at carol.gloetzner@la-familia-inc.org, and I'll lead you through the steps to get started. The book club is all online, so it's easy to participate no matter how busy your schedule.

To kick off the fun, join us in Albuquerque on September 16th, from 6-8:30PM. We'll watch a Dr. Karyn Purvis movie on Playful Interactions and enjoy a potluck of stews, salads and muffins. Fiesta will provide drinks and dessert. For the first 30 kids who sign up, it will be Pajama Party Time. Call Monica to get more info and rsvp at 235-7261. Whether or not you can make it, you're are still invited to join us in reading and discussing the book. (And we'll love to see you at the dinner and movie night, even if you don't join the book club.)

I have resolved to spend less time telling my kids, "Wait just a minute and maybe I'll play when I'm done with my.... email, phone call, sweeping, folding, or facebooking." I want to bring more play into my toolbox! What a great strategy to promote attachment!

Back to School...

One of our talented, amazing FIESTA parents shared a version of the letter she created with the help of Adoptive Families magazine to give to her child's teacher... I love this idea and thought some of you might too...

Dear Teacher,
We are so excited to begin a new school year with you! I wanted to make certain you know that our family was formed through adoption, since it may come up in discussion this year in your class. Sammy also has a brother/sister adopted/not adopted from (type of adoption). In the coming weeks I would like to provide you some terrific educational resources about adoption in general, positive adoption language and attachment issues, which many adopted children face. Today, I am sending you a sample Q & As that may help you with responses to questions about adoption from kids in the classroom, should they arise. Sammy understands that her adoption story is hers, and only hers to share in the classroom if she wishes.

Background on Type of Adoption
Sammy was adopted (type of adoption) in (place, country) at age ( ), Sammy has a closed/semi-open/open adoption, meaning (define and briefly describe details of contact naming any birth parents that the child might bring up at school).

Here are some questions you may hear in the classroom, with appropriate answers suggested.

Q: Where are Sammy's real parent(s)?
A: Sammy's real parents are the parents who are raising her, (insert name-s). She also has birthparents or first parents who gave birth to her. Optional expansion: Sammy has two sets of “real” parent(s). Her birthparents are real, as she was born to them. Her adoptive parent(s) are real, as they are raising her and she is their daughter.

Q: Did it cost a lot to adopt her?
A: This is like asking how much your parents paid for the doctor and hospital when you were born. In adoption, there are other costs involved, like fees for social work professionals and attorneys to cover the legal and social work involved in completing an adoption.

Q: Why didn’t her first family want her? Didn’t they love her?
A: They love her very much, but they couldn’t take care of her and keep her safe. Sammy needed to be raised by a family that would keep her safe, love her and could take care of her forever. Adoptions always happen for grownup reasons, and are never the result of anything a child does.

We want you, our child’s teacher, to know that we believe that families are created through love, respect, and caring and not solely through genetic connections. Thank you for helping us communicate this to Sammy's classmates. Please feel free to call or email me if you have any questions. As the school year progresses we can speak in detail on more specific issues.

Best,
Sammy's Mom and Dad
Names & Cell Phone

ENCLOSURE: FAMILY PHOTO

E Mountains and Los Lunas

Come and join other adoptive parents as we learn about more 

tools we can use from our parenting toolbox  :)

This Friday, Aug. 19th, 5:30-8:30  @ CYFD in Los Lunas, 

"Intentional ReParenting" (attachment parenting) 

Dinner and Child Care available 

Pls Call Monica to rsvp 235-7261

This Sunday, Aug. 21st, 2 to 5  @ A. Montoya Elementary School 

in Tijeras "TRUST BASED PARENTING" Part I, w/ Dr. Karyn Purvis 

Child care available Mexican Potluck.  

FIESTA will provide drinks, dessert, and paper products. 

Pls call to RSVP, Monica @ 235-7261  

Calling all Moms

You are officially invited to an informal little get-together in my E. Mountain living room. No agenda- just some time to spend together as adoptive moms, trading tips and stories, getting to know each other. The date is July 26th from 6-8:30 p.m. We'll have snacks and drinks (you can bring something along, but don't feel like you have to). Call me at 1-888-298-7562 to let me know that you're coming.

....and for the guys- July 24th is the date to get together with Tim (same place from 5-7) and talk about whatever it is that guys talk about- at our dad's group. Call Tim for info- 505-470-6941

welcome to my brain . net: Hurting to connect

welcome to my brain . net: Hurting to connect

Respite Co-op News

The next training for the respite co-op will be July 31st from 2-4 in Albuquerque. The co-op is open to adoptive families who attend this training. Afterward, these parents will be added to our list and encouraged to get to know one another and trade, barter, or pay for respite. Studies have shown that when parents take a break on a regular basis, they are better equipped to enjoy their families and deal with daily stress, resulting in happier kids and parents. Please contact Carol (1-888-298-7562 or carol.gloetzner@la-familia-inc.org) for more info and to reserve your spot.

Back to School Ice Cream Social

Back to School Already?

Yes, some schools in Gallup actually start teaching children on Aug. 11, which is just around the corner!

You won't want to miss our Back to School Ice Cream Social!

Sat. Aug. 6 from 3-5 p.m.

Playground of Dreams Park

Gallup, NM - Region I

RSVP to Brian or Sheila @ 888-298-6681 by Tuesday, Aug. 2nd!

TEEN FUN NIGHT

Gallup Fiesta Group is hosting a Teen Fun Night

Sat. July 16th from 6:30 - 8:30 p.m.

6 Mae Lane - Juniper Hills

FREE FOOD - Hot Dogs, 'Smores & More!

U can come dressed in camouflage clothes if you want to blend in with the trees, etc... for a fun game of Hide-n-Seek on 3 acers of Juniper Hills!

Water bombs available for those who want them!

RSVP to Brian or Sheila at 888-298-6681 by Wed. July 13th

2011 Region FOUR summer activities

July 15 - TUCUMCARI: FAMILY ACTIVITY - Dinner and swimming at the public swimming pool. We will have sandwiches, chips and drinks. (6 - 8 PM)

July 16 - ROSWELL: Self-Care training - join Serena Talamantes for a discussion on how to care for yourself, your marriage and your family after the adoption! (10 AM to NOON at the CYFD office)

July 23 - CLOVIS: Self-Care training - join Serena Talamantes for a discussion on how to care for yourself, your marriage and your family after the adoption! (10 AM - NOON at the CYFD office)

August 12 - TUCUMCARI: Snack-N-Chat about self-care after the adoption. - 6 PM - 8 PM at the CYFD office.

August 13 - ROSWELL: Snack-N-Chat about back to school routines. 10 AM - NOON at the CYFD office

August 13 - CLOVIS: Snack-N-Chat about back to school routines. 6PM - 8PM at the CYFD office.

Toddler nightmares

so, I have run up another issue that I just can't resolve on my own, and am looking for any tips out there they I haven't heard of.

One of our two year olds (yes, there is more than one) has developed nightmares..every single night. Now, of course I know he is simply deciding to deal with some of his previous trauma in this way and at these times, but needing to try and nap every other day to they to catch up on missed sleep is becoming a drag. And let's face it, I am not as young as I once was and it seems to get to me so much more now and make me so much more tired.

Has anyone else had success in breaking the nightly nightmare pattern?

LGBT potluck July 16, 2pm

Hello all lesbian, gay, bi ands transgendered adoptive parents! We will be having an informal potluck at our home on July 16th at 2 pm until we all decide we're done for the day. And yes, definitely bring the children, we want to meet the whole Family! We will providing the hot dogs and hamburgers, please bring a side dish to share.

Please RSVP to Sue at 505-385-4771 so we know how much food we need to get..or your can contact me by email at sue.nachor@yahoo.com

Sue Nachor

Skin care

I received a message on Facebook from an old friend today. She was asked me what I use for skin care for my African American kids.... my response? Plain old olive oil, yes, the kind you cook with!

My daughter's massage therapist uses all kinds of oils - sesame oil, coconut oil, olive oil, you name it she uses it! We started using olive oil exclusively in place of hair oil and lotions and creams about a year ago after a friend suggested it.

There are many benefits to using a natural oil ... the most important: no preservatives! I am assured of the ingredients and the price is right!

We all use it for our dry skin ... and it is great for hot oil treatments for all kinds of hair!

I'm just sayin ....

Satisfaction Survey

Please let us know how FIESTA is doing meeting the needs of your family...Take the quick survey below...

Click here to take survey

Re-Do's

OK, so I have watched all the Karyn Purvis DVD's - discussed trauma parenting at length with my co-workers and FIESTA families and STILL, I mess up!

Yesterday was a trying day for me - I was tired from not sleeping well the night before. I'll just name it: I WAS CRANKY and somehow, when I'm cranky no one else is allowed to be...

My sweet 7 year old little guy was having a hard time getting along with his siblings and when he was asked to take a seat to calm down he 'lost it'. I ignored him, hoping the tantrum would stop. Eventually, it did. He fell asleep.

I was thankful for peace in the house - then, almost immediately, it hit me - his rage was, obviously not because of the 'seat' he was asked to take, but from his deep, deep pain. The pain of his circumstances, the fear of not knowing what might happen to his family - the unbelievable pain of missing his birth mom - unspeakable, primitive pain.

I took a long drive - all the while crying and asking God for forgiveness and a 're-do.' I came home, scooped my sleeping guy into my lap and held him - my beautiful, kindhearted, sweet, little angel gave me the 're-do' I was praying for. "I love you Momma"

Sweet Success

One cool fall day, I decided to make cookies for my 15 year-old, Chris, so he could enjoy them when he got home from school. He had been living with us for about eight months and we had been working on RAD-related behaviors.

"Mmmm, that smells good."

"I know! I made you cookies!"

"Are they chocolate chip?"

"Yep."

"Are they done?"

"Yep."

"Are they warm?"

"Yep."

"I bet they taste good."

"Yep."

"You made them for me?"

"Yep."

"I really want some."

"Yep. I wonder what you're going to do to get one."

Ten minutes and forty-three questions later, after walking away and coming back, seeing me do a couple more sheets in and out of the oven it happened- "May I have one, please?"

Ahhh. Sweet success.

Hello FIESTA Faithful!
I wanted to post a message to all the adoptive father's out there!
Let's get together!
FIESTA just held a "Dad's Group" in Grants, NM. What a great time we had.
As a man, it is sometimes difficult to share our experiences, our weaknesses, and our feelings. Men are expected to have all the answers, to be the "strong ones", and be the solid foundation of the family. Which we try our best of course!
Being a man is hard enough as it is, throw in being a father to children from "hard places", and we have some lack of support issues!
I encourage you to give me a call, or contact your local family contact, so we can get together!
Remember, as a father of adopted children, we need to get together and share our experiences, weaknesses, and feelings... to become BETTER fathers of adopted children!
Have a wonderful day!
Tim
505-470-6941
regiontwoadoption@gmail.com

Therapeutic Parenting - When Our Kids are Stuck

Respite Co-op News

I hope that by now, each of you have heard about the co-op that we're forming. It will be an opportunity for adoptive parents to join together as a community of support. Parents will have a list of people to call when they need a break or have a family emergency or event that can't include everyone, as well as providing a chance for kids to make new friends.

We're kicking it off in region three, the Albuquerque area, with a training on May 21st from 5-8 pm. Leah Brouwers will speak to us about the ins and outs of providing and receiving respite, the responsibilites in having extra kids in your home, ways to support the parent/child relationship and how to communicate effectively with other parents. Please call Carol at 1-888-298-7562 to reserve your spot. Child care is full at this time, but you're still welcome to come if you can find your own child care....I know, kind of ironic, considering the topic, but we've plum run out of space. A light meal will be available.

Watch this blog, the calendar and your mailbox to find out when this training will be offered in your area.

DINNER & DVD in Gallup!

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Many people in NM will celebrate with a fiesta on the 5th of May!

We continue to celebrate life and learn how to better help our children

and families through the FIESTA Project here in Gallup.

Please join us on Friday, May 13th for a

FREE DINNER & DVD from 5:30 - 8 p.m.

We will meet at Indian Hills Elementary @ 5:30 p.m. for dinner

At 6:15 the kids will go to Kid's Group and the parents will

watch and discuss the first part of Karyn Purvis' dvd, "The Attachment Dance"

Please RSVP to Sheila Kruis @ 888-298-6681

by Wednesday, May 11th.

Felt Safety

The term “felt safety” is one that’s become familiar to us at Fiesta. We’ve learned that whether or not a child is truly safe is not the only thing to consider as an adoptive parent. The most important thing is whether or not the child herself feels safe. The same is true with parents. At least it is with me.

I’m a little shy. I’m fine around people that I know well, but put me in a room full of strangers and I have to work on my social skills. Going to an event or party composed of people that I don’t know is not an option I prefer- I’d rather go with a friend. I don’t like the feeling of walking into a room, seeing eyes turn toward me, and not seeing a friendly face. I don’t like feeling like an outsider.

So it struck me the other day how safe it feels at Fiesta events. I love how parents have gotten to know each other and have made close friendships in our groups, but here’s what I love more- when someone walks into one of our events for the first time, they know that they are among friends. It’s a safe place. No one raises an eyebrow if a parent admits that they don’t always like their kid. No one gasps when you share that your kindergartener was expelled or that your four-year-old pulls their hair out. If your teen is a little quirky or your ten-year-old still tries to climb into your bed at night, we get it. Not only do we get it, but another parent has usually had the same issue and may have a strategy for your situation. No one is there to look over your shoulder or criticize.

So if you’ve read about one of our trainings or get-togethers and decided instead to stay home, think again. Not only will you and your kids benefit from meeting other adoptive families, you may have some great answers for another parents who is struggling. And if you’re like me and you’re wary of new situations, come anyway. As soon as you walk in, you’re one of us.

It's Spring!

Has the long winter fogged your brain? Frozen your good mood? Chilled the atmosphere in your home? It’s Spring! Time for new beginnings, fresh starts, and some fun. Breathe spring air into your relationship with your family by attending one of these Fiesta events.

If you live in the southwest part of the state, Kristi Cullers (1-575-491-2448) has planned some fun for your family. March 11^th is the date for a barbeque and horseback riding in Alamogordo. There is a pool party in Socorro on the 24^th, and if you’re closer to Las Cruces, join us on March 25^th for a carnival and bingo. Call Kristi for specifics.

Donna Payne is your contact if you live in the southeast. You can reach her at 1-877-696-2502 to rsvp for game night in Tucumcari on March 11^th, Carlsbad on the 25^th, or Roswell on the 26^th, or join us for a training on the 12^th in Clovis.

For those of you in the greater Albuquerque area, Sue is the person to call at 385-4771. March 6^th is the monthly ABQ Coffee and Chat and the 19^th will be a training on building bridges to biological families. A pilot group is forming to start a respite co-op with an informative class with Leah Brouwers on the 26^th. The Los Lunas group will meet on the 15^th. Monica Cohu will be offering a class on Attachment Parenting in Sandoval County on March 22 and Serena will teach us about massage and safe touch in the East Mountains on the 27^th.

For those of you in the north, there will be a training with child therapist, Leah Brouwers, on dealing with lying and stealing. For more information on this Los Alamos event on March 5th, call Tim at 505-490-6941. Leah will also offer a class on shame and sexualized behavior in Grants on March 12^th. The Santa Fe group will take their families to the children’s museum on the 19^th and Sheila is your contact to go for swimming and ice cream in Gallup on the 26^th. You can reach her at 1-877-696-2502 or call Wendy at 1-888-299-3014 to sign up for game night and dinner in Farmington on March 23^rd.

As always, all Fiesta events are free, and you can attend any event, regardless of where you live. Trainings and supports groups offer free kids’ groups with reservations. We’ll guarantee to put some “spring” back into your step!

Can I Talk to You in Your Office?

Having a houseful of kids is a blast, but it can be a challenge making sure everyone is getting all the attention they need. When it comes to my kids, I don’t want to “love them all.” I want to “love them each.”

A few months ago, on a whim, when one of the little ones needed a moment with me, I said dramatically, “Please come in and speak with me in my office,” with a sweeping gesture onto the front porch. (It was the only quiet spot available at the time, where we could talk in private.) It was a defining moment. From that time until now, when one of my kiddos needs some one-on-one time she’ll say, “Can I talk to you in your office?” It might be my bedroom or theirs, a porch or quiet spot in the garage, but it becomes “the office.” Sometimes it’s a serious conversation about hurtful words at school, or changing bodies, or a dream. The conversations are usually short and sweet, but have sometimes involved longer, more serious situations, grief and tears. What a precious honor to have a little time to be face-to-face, heart-to-heart and soul-to-soul with my amazing child!

Now they do it with Dad. “Can I talk to you in your office?” No computer, no phone, no interruptions allowed. “The Office” has become an important tool to make sure that each member of our large, loud, crazy brood gets what he needs.

You may qualify for Thousands from IRS

Ok. I know I've posted before on this topic, but I want to make sure that you know how big this is. Part of the health care reform bill recently passed had to do with adoptions. Here's an expample- if you adopted a child from the state in 2010 and are receiving a subsidy, yours is considered a special needs adoption. Even if you paid NOTHING in expenses for your adoption, if you make less than $180,00ish a year, you will get about a $13,000 check from Uncle Sam. If you adopted internationally, you can get up to $13,000 of your expenses refunded. Even if you finalized as far back as 2005, you can amend your return and start a college fund, buy some groceries or plan a vacation. Make sure you do your homework and find out if you qualify. Send me a message or call and I'll let you know more details.

A Squirrely Story

As a child, I was a squirrel whisperer. I lived in one of those small mid-western towns with big oaks and mulberry trees in the yards teeming with bushy-tailed critters. One summer, bored, I decided to tame one. After experimenting with different tactics, I decided that he was best motivated by nuts. I sat for hours, day after day, and lured it with peanuts, closer and closer until he trusted me enough to take one out of my hand. It took a lot of time, but I kept at it. After a month, he would eat a treat while sitting on my leg and let me pet him. We became friends. By the end of the summer, he would scamper into the garage and climb up onto my bike where he could reach the window, give a couple of knocks, (scaring my poor mother), and insist on my attention (and food).

The other day after a workshop, I was thinking, “Why do we understand that wild or frightened animals need such patience and wooing and kindness, and so often forget that our damaged children need the same thing?”

Life as a River

I stole this from my friend Evonne Harden who posted it on facebook. It's a conversation between her son and herself and too good not to share.

Me: Son, don't you remember how much Trouble you were in yesterday for this very same thing?

Him: Yes.

Me: Well, did you even think about it today?

Him: No.

Me: Son! Your life is like a RIVER! It all flows together! The previous day's weather effects the current and flow and wildlife today. The pollution dumped upstream effects life downstream. Your life is a River! It is not a series of puddles or ponds. It is a River. It all flows together. Do you understand?

Him: Yes.

Me: Okay. Explain it to me.

And he did.

Thanks, Evonne

Morgan’s Wonderland

I have nothing but good to report about my family’s visit to Morgan’s Wonderland. About a year old, this park, located in San Antonio, Texas, was created to accommodate children and adults with disabilities. My family has several family members with disabilities- two in wheelchairs, one visually impaired, one with Down Syndrome, one without arms, and a few with sensory sensitivity. We all had a blast!

I was impressed with the clean, beautiful park, that has several playgrounds that will accommodate wheelchairs , ramps leading to every level and activity, a wheelchair accessible carrousel, and race cars, sand galore, and a sensory building. I must say that I was disappointed with the assortment of sensory activities, but this is a new park, so I’ll give them time to add more. The one really cool thing was a room with interactive wall-sized video screens. A virtual butterfly landing on your shadow or tiny minnows chasing you across the wall provide entertainment for kids of all ages and abilities. There is also a gym full of balls, a lake for fishing, water activities, a music and sound area and a relaxing picnic area. The park is staffed by helpful, smiling volunteers.

If you're planning a trip in the San Antonio area, it is well worth your time to include this park as a day trip, especially if you have a child with a disability. Would I say it is worth the fourteen-hour trip from Albuquerque just to visit Morgan’s Wonderland? Probably not, but my family will definitely visit again when we’re in the area. If you do decide to go, make sure you call 24 hours ahead for reservations and the admission price is only $5 for persons accompanying a person with a disability. If you go without a reservation, the cost doubles. People with disabilities are always free.