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Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day

As an adoptive mom, Mother’s Day has an underlying layer of meaning. It brings to mind the women who carry a baby for nine months, suffering morning sickness, feeling that first little flutter of movement, gaining an amazing amount of weight while losing an amazing amount of energy, going into the pain of labor, and giving birth to a precious little miracle…. and then, for one reason or another, needs to sacrifice the title of “mom” and give it to another.

Among the crowd of people in my home on Sunday, the hugs and homemade gifts, I received two phone calls from two extraordinary women. My friend, J, is in her 50’s, a widow. Over thirty years ago, she became pregnant and decided to place her baby girl with an adoptive family. Her story is similar to so many during that time, overshadowed with shame and punctuated with callousness from those around her. She has worked through that grief and although she has not been able to have contact with the daughter she loves, and has no other children, she has peace. It has been a blessing to my children to have her in their lives as part of our put-together family of “aunts and uncles.” The little ones in my family, all adopted, are as priceless to her as she is to them. We can wish each other “Happy Mother’s Day” with great understanding. What an honor!

My other special phone call has come every year. Mama Jenna, who gave birth to two of my children, called to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and tell me how much she appreciates me. I can think of no more gracious act. On this day, her name on the caller ID alone brings me to tears. Oh, how she loves her babies! I’m am so deeply humbled by this selfless gift, that I strive to parent these two little ones as not only “my children” but hers as well. It is a privilege that I take seriously and I will do well if I live up to half of what she imagines me to be.

To these two precious sisters of mine- I am honored to know you, I am moved by your pain, I am humbled by your love and I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day.

Monday, May 3, 2010

DEMING & LAS CRUCES

LIFE BOOK Training w/ Kristi Cullers
"When pieces of their lives are missing"
This Friday in Deming, May 7th @ the Literacy Center
(6 t0 9 pm)
This Saturday in Las Cruces, May 8th @ The SW Sports & Spine Center
(12 to 3 pm)
Child Care & Lunch Providede!
Pls call Monica @ 505-235-7261, Reservations are Recommended

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Book Club News

Starting next week, we'll take a couple of months to go through the book, “More Than a Mom: Living a Full And Balanced Life When Your Child Has Special Needs”. I don’t know about you, but on my good days, I feel overwhelmed with hugging. My gang of little girls is very “huggie, cuddly” and although it is sweet and most of the time I love it, by the middle of the afternoon, some days, I need a mini-respite time all by myself to recharge. It’s a dream of mine to make it through an entire potty break without someone at the door needing me, needing me. Then there are the other days. The days when the chess game starts the minute I get up (or before) and I have to be quick-witted to think two steps ahead in the manipulation game- constantly looking for deeper meanings, hidden motivations, strategies to change behavior or promote healing (more hugging). And the days go by one after another until, without realizing it, I start to lose a part of myself. I’ve busied myself into a crazy, stressful routine, and look in the mirror one day and say, “How in the world did I get here?” or “Where did I go?” So I don’t have time to read a book about balancing my life….could that be a problem?

I would love to have you participate in our online book club. Reading the book is optional. Topics in the books are springboards for discussions. Have you visited (Face Book group, NM Fiesta Book Club) to read the incredible insights that Evonne and Zandree have posted? If not, you are missing out. These two moms have let us into their worlds of adoption with honesty and compassion- I love them! What a privilege to get to know them! It’s become an online support group where we can share our struggles and successes. Make a cup of coffee, log on any time, and take a little break to share with other adoptive parents. Hopefully, you’ll have five or ten minutes to relax before someone needs you again.

Carol

Oh- I still have a couple of books to give away!

Monday, April 26, 2010

SATURDAY, MAY 1st in GRANTS, NM

"INTENTIONAL RE-PARENTING"
9 to 2 pm @ St. Teresa of Avila Catholic School, cafeteria,
GRANTS, NM
- Neurobiology of Trauma
- Creating an Emotional Vocabulary
- Avoiding Power Struggles
- Coming alongside Anger (instead of getting in the way)
- Discipline vs Punishment
- What to do with Lying and Stealing
- & Much More!
Lunch and Child care Provided, along with 5 Training Hours
Call or email Monica with Questions or RSVPs!
404-235-7261

Monday, April 19, 2010

TRACI TIPPETT Attachment Training

THIS SATURDAY!!!
April 24, 2010 @ La Familia,
9 to 1
Child Care & Snacks provided.
Reservations are Strongly Suggested!
Please call a Family Contact to reserve your spot!
Gayle Foster & Sue Nachor: 1-877-380-3597,
Donna Payne: 1-877-696-2502, or Monica Cohu: 1-877-380-3595

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Free Books!!!

I want to buy you the book, Attaching in Adoption, by Deborah Gray. It's a great beginner book for you to read or pass on to someone new. It's also the NM Fiesta Book Club selection for July/ August. This is a treasure hunt. I'll order books for the first three people to navigate to Face Book, go to "groups", find NM Fiesta Book Club, join or sign in and leave me a comment under the new discussion topic about our list of the next four books. I know, I know, it's a shameless way to get you to do what I want...join us! I'd love to have more people visit and participate in discussions about the things we most enjoy talking about- ourselves and our kids!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

These videos are very worth watching...

http://www.child.tcu.edu/video.asp

Please take some time to review and ask everyone you know who is touched by adoption to do the same. Invaluable...
Spring is here, what to do....?

How about joining us for a Love and Logic DVD presentation in Raton, NM? We are going to get together on April 22nd at the CYFD offices for some Dinner and some great conversation, and some very helpful information too!

Also on tap....

Family Fishing Day!!! April 24th Pecos, NM with Ti Piper
here is a brief summary of events for that day:
For a Family Fishing Clinic, I will bring new line and we can show you how you can put new line on your reels. I will have push button reels for all to use, as well as rods, hooks, sinkers, bait, bobbers and so on. We can make Pistol Petes (a fly lure) which can be used right then and there. I will have open face spinning rods/reels, and fly fishing gear for everyone to try and or use. We will start at the Lisboa Springs Hatchery, which is just up the road from Monastery Lake. There is a self guided tour of the hatchery (this is where we raise rainbow trout), and real bathrooms. Then off to the lake for fishing and a picnic. I will have garbage bags; we can do a shoreline litter pickup as a service learning project. The families with good 'walking' legs can walk around the lake, it only takes 30 minutes and there are good fishing spots away from the parking area. Those 12 and older need a fishing license to fish at Monastery Lake. Licenses are available at our NM Dept Game & Fish offices, or online, or at any sporting goods store. All Wal-Marts sell fishing licenses. You need the last four digits of your social security number to buy a resident fishing license in New Mexico. PLEASE RSVP NO LATER THAN WEDNESDAY APRIL 21ST, 2010 TO TIM MARTINEZ 505.470.6941 OR
tim.martinez@la-familia-inc.org

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

LIFE BOOK TRAINING

"When the Pieces of their life are missing"
with Kristi Cullers
THIS FRIDAY, APRIL 16TH
6 TO 9 pm @ La Familia
child care & dinner provided.
Pls Call to RSVP, 235-7261

Monday, April 12, 2010

Connecting, Empowering, Correcting...

I was able to attend a training with Dr. Karen Purvis of TCU today. In a word, AMAZING. I highly recommend you read her book, The Connected Child and visit the website www.child.tcu.edu and www.empoweredtoconnect.org Here are a few highlights...

Think about how much time you spend correcting your child's behaviors...the average is 85%... Dr. Purvis suggested that the three parental responsibilities are Connecting with our child, Empowering our children with words and choices and Correcting and teaching behaviors. Studies have shown that most parents spend the majority of the time correcting and the least amount of time connecting with their child. She was clear this isn't about getting stepped on or run over by our kids, it is ALL about meeting them where they are and showing them that they are WORTH being in relationship with. Dr. Purvis also reminded us to parent to our child's developmental age instead of focusing on their chronological age.

She talked a lot about nutrition and meeting basic needs. Dr. Purvis said "our" kids need to be given a nutritious snack every two hours and kept hydrated. She believes that kids with an abuse and neglect history are very commonly chronically dehydrated. She suggested that we look into a property in green tea called theanine ( http://www.ehow.com/how_4747605_whether-green-tea-relieves-stress.html )as a stress reducer for our kids and increasing our use of cinnamon as a blood sugar leveler for kids with mood swings. We discussed the enormous value of Omega 3s and 6s...especially flax and chia seeds! I've recently been adding these to my family's diet so I was thrilled!

We discussed parenting styles ranging from Neglectful to Permissive to Authoritative to Authoritarian. Most of our kids come out of Neglectful Parenting backgrounds and studies show that many adoptive and foster parents fall in the Authoritarian realm. Dr. Purvis discussed the need to move toward an Authoritative persuasion which is high in structure but also really high in warmth and nurturing. She shared a quote from Abraham Lincoln, "Force is all conquering but its victories are shortlived". We know our kids need structure but in order to have attachment, you have to add the nurturing and warmth...As I've heard someone say in the past, "Who would want to attach to a crabby ol bitty?" She reminded us to ALWAYS focus on downloading our kids with authentic praise and treat our kids with respect even in their worst behaviors.

Dr. Purvis talked about things that they do at TCU to serve "kids from hard places" and one of the coolest things in my mind was that they created what they call a "crash and bump" room. It is a safe place for kids to get their sensory needs met. She suggested that our kids need and actually crave access to things that meet their sensory needs because they often didn't get those needs met in infancy and toddlerhood. She suggested the room should contain things like..a sit and spin, a pool of dry kidney beans, a tub of rice, mats for tumbling, hoola hoops and a barrel for rolling.

She ended by sharing what she believes are the four most important things for adoptive parents to know and understand....
1. Attachment
2. Sensory Needs and Issues
3. Brain Development
4. Neurochemistry of Fear

It is my hope that FIESTA will be bringing trainings focused on these four topics to each area of New Mexico in the next year. There is hope, there is healing..we can get there...

Monday, April 5, 2010

Free Webinar...Really Good Stuff....

Free webinar with Dr. Karen Purvis.....AWESOME!


http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/coursefiles/WEBINARS/20100325/player.html

An Invitation to Families Who Ride Bikes

We just got word from The Adoption Exchange that they have opened up some free spots for a great weekend event. Anyone with adopted or foster kids in the family can bring the whole gang to a bike race at the Sandia Motor Speedway this Saturday, April 10th. There will be games, prizes, clowns, bouncers (yeah, I know, the ones kids jump in, not the kind that kick you out when you start a fight) and great fun for everyone. Call or email me for more info. 1-888-298-7562

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Spring in New Mexico






Here's a quick look at the great events FIESTA has planned for the next few months...

Monday, March 29, 2010

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Love Obama?

Okay, that was a shameless title to get you to read this post. I've noticed on my Facebook page that any time Obama is mentioned, there are an immediate slew of comments. So whether you love him or not, his recently signed Health Care Reform Bill has something in it that relates to adoptive families. This information is hot-off-the-presses-brand-new and you may not hear it anywhere else. So read on.

Public Law 111-148, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, was signed into law on March 23, 2010. Section 10909 of the Act Extended the adoption tax credit for one more year (to December 31, 2011) and expanded the program in two ways:

a. For tax year 2010, the amount of the credit was increased from $12,170 to $13,170.

b. The credit was made refundable for all types of adoption for tax years 2010 and 2011. Because the adoption tax credit will be refundable, families who have smaller tax liability will now be able to benefit from the credit for adoptions finalized in 2010 and 2011.

The IRS has not yet released any guidance on the change.

To learn more about taxes and adoption (excluding these newest updates) visit http://www.nacac.org/postadopt/taxcredit.html


Thursday, March 25, 2010

Census

What do you think about the questions on the census? Did the adoption questions take you by surprise? Were you offended? Invaded? Validated? What is the deal with those questions?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

INTENTIONAL RE-PARENTING (Alamogordo)

FRIDAY, MARCH 26TH
5:30-9:30

Holiday Inn Express
100 Kerry Ave.
Alamogordo, NM

Dinner & Child Care provided

Contact Monica Cohu if interested...
1-877-380-3595

AFRICAN DANCE CLASS

$12/ea drop-inno registration/RSVP necessary6+ LIVE DRUMMERS = pure energy?
Lead by: Romy Keagen, owner of Maple Street Dance Space
Moms & Dads, you are invited to a MNO/DNO @ Maple Street Dance Space, 111 Maple St SE (Central & Maple intersection, next to Knadjian's) http://www.maplestreetdancespace.com/classDesc.php? Friday Wednesday 3/24 starts5:30pm BEGINNINGAFRICAN DANCE CLASS

Sunday, March 21, 2010

A Fun Website to Develop Emotional Vocabulary

According to Tracy Tippett (The Dance of Attachment) and Monica Cohu (Intentional Reparenting), it’s important to teach adopted kids, especially those who struggle with attachment, to recognize emotions. They may say, “I’m angry,” for example, when they are sad. They need practice and activities geared toward identifying what is going on in themselves and others. Monica suggests using non-traditional adjectives to name a feeling, asking the child, “What color is happy?” or "What does frustrated sound like?". Photographs, mobiles, magazine collages, and movie clips are all tools that can help you teach your child not only the obvious emotion, but also the underlying cause. “That boy is sad. He is crying because his dog ran away.” It’s important that we don’t assume that our child has picked this foundational skill up on her own, but spend time making sure that she is gaining the vocabulary and understanding of herself and also pick up on cues from others.

Recently, I found this great website, makebeliefscomix.com. It’s a fun activity, and although the purpose is not in teaching emotion, I decided to try it out with my kids. You choose a comic character (from twenty choices of people or animals) and then an emotion to go with it. You then add props and other characters, fill words into the bubbles and make a comic strip. Then you can email it or print it out. My son who is developmentally around four had trouble naming the emotions, so I used the opportunity to help him figure that out. My daughter who is about six developmentally had more of a challenge with the dialogue. All of my kids enjoyed making their own comic strip and I decided that it is another tool to use in my arsenal of helping tune in to emotions. Check it out.

Friday, March 12, 2010

LONG DISTANCE GRANDPARENTING IDEAS...

My folks are 13 hrs away. They aren't able to come out for kids b-days, holidays, special occasions, etc... But, this Spring we will be seeing them on vacation. My mom came up w/ a great idea....
AN EVERYTHING PARTY!!!

She and my dad are getting one cake for all the kids, w/ their names on it; even our kiddo that we're caring for, who is a ward of the state (we're foster parents too). Then they'll have a little party.

Their very good at recognizing all the kids on their special days & events. BUT WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!!

When I do trainings, I am continually asking the question...
"What's the message the child is receiving?"

Little things go along way!!!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Hello Everyone!
I hope all is well with all of you!
Coming up very soon is a training that will be held in Taos, NM on
Intentional
Re-Parenting. Sunday March 14th. Noon-5:00pm


Topics:
 Neurobiology of Trauma
 Discipline vs. Punishment
 Using the 5 Senses to Heal
 Coming Alongside Anger
 Avoiding Power Struggles
 The Healing Power of Play and Imagination
 What to do with Lying
 And Much More!


Taos Youth and Family Center Room C
Paseo del Canyon East - Taos, NM 87571
Please call Monica to RSVP 1.877.380.3595 or Tim Martinez
FIESTA Family Contact 505.470.6941


Also scheduled is a training and panel for inter-racial adoptions, past or
future. Donna Payne is teaching this very informative class being held in
Santa Fe, NM on Sunday March 28th 2-4pm. Training location is to be confirmed
soon!


Adoption Conference in ABQ, NM on April 17th. I hope you have registered!

Professional Fishing Clinic held just for NM FIESTA!! April 24th-Monastery
Lake, Pecos, NM. Starting at Noon. More information will be available soon!


Please feel free to call 505.470.6941 or message me with any questions or for
more information!
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
TM

Monday, March 8, 2010

Tax Information You’ll Want to Know About

This was supposed to be a simple assignment, given by my fearless leader, to write something up about the federal adoption tax credit. Simple enough. Once I started looking into the details though, my brain got tangled up in knots. I’m still not sure if I can figure out every detail, but it’s important to at least know what to ask about. So here’s the general idea- families who adopt a child with special needs (using the term broadly, which includes almost all CYFD adoptions, and some others as well) from foster care can claim a federal adoption tax credit without needing to incur or document expenses. This credit is worth looking into for any adoptions after 2003. The per-child tax credit is $12,150 for adoptions finalized in 2009, and families have six years to use the entire credit. That’s a lot of money and guess what! In 2004, only about a quarter of qualifying families took advantage of this policy.

Here are a few key points-

*There are some guidelines on income levels

*You can find Form 8839 at

www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f8839.pdf or by requesting it from 800-829-1040. This is the official form to claim your credit.

*Because you do not need to document expenses for children with special needs, simply enter $11,650 for adoptions finalized in 2008 (and $12,150 for 2009) as long as your child receives adoption subsidy.

*If you can claim your child as a dependent, then you should also look into the Child Tax Credit. The Child Tax Credit and the Adoption Tax Credit interact and may reduce the Child Tax Credit you can claim.

*If you finalized an adoption in 2003 or a later year for which you have already filed your taxes, you can amend your return to take advantage of the federal adoption tax credit.

Talking about adoption subsidies or tax rebates is sometimes awkward. (And like my granddaughter said recently, even the very spelling of “awkward” is awkward.) So I decided to share my favorite analogy- winning a new car. When we were offered a two-for-one out of the blue adoption a few years ago, I felt like I had won the lottery. What a surprise and blessing to be offered two actual beautiful children for free! Unbelievable! But a subsidy! That’s like winning a brand new car and then finding out that the gas is included! And a $12,150 tax credit! Oh my gosh! That’ll buy new tires and oil changes (or new shoes and toothpaste) for a long time.

If you want more specifics, email me at carol.gloetzner@la-familia-inc.org and I’ll forward you more specific information and contact numbers.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Book Club

Hey all of you online book club members! We are in need of ideas! We need to pick a book for our next discussion. Log onto Facebook group "NM Fiesta Book Club" and leave your suggestions. Do you have a favorite adoption book? Are you tired of self-help and heavy topics and want to relax with some fiction? Do you want to explore something controversial? Let me know what you think either on the fb site, here as a comment, or give me a call. Can't wait to start reading!

Basic Child Development Class

If you’ve ever thought (or said),“Stop acting like a two-year-old,” this class is for you. I don’t know about you, but after several years of parenting kids who can’t “act their age,” I sometimes forget what that is. I need a reminder on what a typical three-year-old, or ten-year-old, or fifteen –year-old is going through. I can then rearrange my expectations to parent my child where he is. He may be seven, but in every way other than chronologically, he is three.

This two-hour class, on March 13th starting at 10 am, will give you a quick introduction or review on basic child development. It will be taught by John Chimarusti the social worker at Carrie Tingley Hospital. John has his PHD in social work and years of experience and awards in helping families who have kids with disabilities. He also teaches at UNM. There are many reasons that John is fantastic at his job- he’s a caring father, a good communicator, and knows every imaginable program and group in New Mexico that serves disabled kids. But one of the reasons John is so respected is that he has cerebral palsy himself. He truly understands the pain and joy that families are going through.

Please call me at 573-0674 to reserve a spot. There is free childcare if you call ahead, as well, and a certificate for hours for those who need them.

Carol

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Ultimate Insult

An adoptive dad told me last week that he was surprised and pleased when his struggling twelve year old son asked him some "get to know you" questions. "Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a kid?" his son asked.
The dad said, "Thor. Thor was the coolest cartoon character ever."
"That's so stupid," the boy said. "Thor is a stupid cartoon character."
"Nothing is sacred," the dad told me. "He even makes fun of my cartoon character! How low is that!" Funny.
Proof again that we're all crazy:)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Idea, Plan, or Promise?

Funny how specific you sometimes need to be to help your children stay calm and secure. In our house a couple of years ago, I developed an explanation for my kids to help them understand upcoming events. Y’know when you decide to stop at McDonald’s on the way home, but seeing the long line at the drive-through, you decide to opt for Taco Bell instead? Oh My! “But you promised we could go to McDonald’s!!” comes the whining chorus from the backseat. Or worse, have you ever thought out loud, “Maybe we’ll go to the zoo later this week if the weather’s nice…” Well, you get the idea.

So one day, I called the gang together and explained the guidelines. First we have an idea. An idea means that we’re thinking about doing something. There’s a good chance that we won’t actually do it, it’s just a thought. For example, ”Wouldn’t it be fun to buy chickens!” Then there’s a plan. A plan is when we make a decision to do something and then develop a strategy to carry it out. We might buy tickets, pack a suitcase, or build a henhouse. Plans can change. If we plan to go to the zoo next Tuesday and the weather is bad or the car breaks down, then we say, “It’s okay, we can deal with it,” and we’ll make the plan move to another day. Then there’s a promise. That’s serious. I hardly ever call something a promise. “I promise that I’ll love you as long as I live and nothing you can do will change that.” Or “I promise that if you hit your sister today, you will not have sweets.” It really has helped my kids to understand what I say. Often if we decide to go somewhere, one of them will chime in, “Is that an idea or a plan?”

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

TEEN NIGHT - ABQ

TEEN NIGHT (12-19) for ABQ
Starting @ 6:00
Pizza, Smores, and a Movie
in the East Mtns. w/ all the Snow!
1-877-380-3597 (Sue and Gayle),
1-877-696-2502 (Donna),
1-877-380-3595 (Monica)
Pls Call if attening!
We Hope To See You There!
Car Pooling IS Available (call Sue)!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Venue change for Santa Fe" Lunch and Chat"

Venue for "Lunch and Chat" in Santa Fe,NM has been changed.
Date and time are the same!!


Sunday February 28th
***1730 Camino Carlos Rey /Room 209***
2:00pm -4:00pm

Lunch and Childcare will be provided. Please give me a call or message me with any questions.
Thank you!!
TM 505-470-6941 tim.martinez@la-familia-inc.org

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Love and Logic DVD screening/Region Two

Hello everyone!
I wanted to thank all the people that came out to Los Alamos this past Saturday to enjoy some Ice Skating under the lights! All my kiddos came home a little bruised up from all the tumbles, however, Marie and I could not get them off the ice! I wanted to also give some dates and times for upcoming events.
This Tuesday in Raton,NM I will be showing a Love and Logic DVD. There is a lot of valuable information to see, hear and to put into practice! here is the information.

Love and Logic DVD screening
Tuesday February 23rd 5:30-8:00pm
CYFD offices in Raton,NM
1900 Hospital Drive 87740
Dinner and childcare will be provided.

Eating Dis-order Training and awareness.
The training will be a basic overview of eating disorders and the
psychological traits and behaviors associated with the various disorders.
Further, risk factors related to eating disorders will be reviewed and
finally treatment. The various types of treatment will be presented. A video
about eating disorders and family impact will be presented along with a
discussion.

Saturday February 27th 9:00am-1:00pm
Las Vegas,NM
CYFD offices/ 2518 Ridge Runner RD 87701
Food and childcare will be provided


Please call or message me with any questions!
505-470-6941
or tim.martinez@la-familia-inc.org

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Book Club Update

I can't say that the number of people participating is astounding, but for those of us who are participating, (Facebook group, NM Fiesta Book Club) it's been great! If you've joined, please visit and leave a few sentences so we know you're out there, even if you're not reading the book. If you haven't joined- join! It's a great book and even better ongoing conversation. Here's part of a recent post from Evonne Harden-

“Reading aloud to our young sons has been an excellent way to share experiences, to sit close and to tie heart-strings ever since my two boys first came home at ages 7 and 10. I would sit beside their beds, alternating each night, and read aloud while I rubbed either their head or feet, whichever end was presented. It doesn’t always have to be good literature. A few months ago I bought a yellow Labrador puppy for my youngest son. We are reading through Cesar Millan’s “How to Raise the Perfect Dog”. Millan discusses the differences between raising a puppy well from the beginning and needing to rehabilitate a pet with a past. My son remarked that he is like the pet that needed rehabilitation. We didn’t then go into a lengthy discussion. He just saw likenesses and commented and we went on. Little by little, understanding is developing without defining the boys as broken and yet acknowledging that we are in the process of pursuing healing. These lights turn on over and again. It is a great blessing to see the world through the eyes of a child who is an over-comer. I, too, am being changed and I hope to grow-up well myself one day.”

Carol

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Highlights from the Calendar

So much going on in the next few months! In order to make our calendar more user-friendly, we've color-coded the different regions of the state. That way if you're in Carlsbad, you'll look for chocolate brown and if you're in Albuquerque, watch for red, etc. If an activity is underlined, click on it to get more info. You also have the option of just going straight to a specific calendar for your region. Easy. Check it out at nmfiestaproject.org.

Wendy, region one, and Tim, region two have their activities listed in posts following this one, and other family contacts may be leaving more information about things going on in their regions as well. We're all fired up. We have "been in business" for a year now; that's exciting. January just seemed to bring a new enthusiasm to really get this thing going. Donna and Monica have been traveling around the state meeting adoption workers and adoptive families in order to make Fiesta Project resources available in more towns. Maybe you haven't seen anything scheduled in your area. Check again...we've got more things planned in more areas than ever.

If you see an event for "Coffee and Chat," "Snack and Chat," or "Meet and Greet," those are our regular meetings to get to know one another. Most regions have them monthly on a regular schedule, so see if there's one near you. They are often centered around a specific topic, but it's an informal, living room style atmosphere where you can talk about whatever comes to mind. It's a great way to meet other families and share ideas and information. These groups are helpful for pre-adoptive families as well as people who have been at it for awhile.

Other events are scheduled to bring you information. Coming up this month in region three is an opportunity to attend a Young Women's Art Group on Femininity. It's a four part series, on Tuesdays starting Feb 16th. Region four is having a class on the in's and out's of disclosure on Feb 20th. If you think your child may be struggling with sensory processing and you want to find out what that is and what you can do about it, join us in Albuquerque on Feb 27th. Region two is having a training on Eating Disorders also on Feb 27th. Region three is having a Child Development class on March 13th and region five is hosting Intentional Re-parenting on March 19th and 20th. Meth and Child Endangerment will be the topic on March 20th in region four. Check the website for times and locations. Most events offer free child care if you call ahead and these classes will count for training hours for those who need them.

Then comes everyone's favorite category- FUN. Feb. 13th is a Skating party in region two. Also, Feb 13 is the first meeting of the World Traveler's Club in region three. Each month bring the entire family to learn about a different country, starting with China. There will be crafts, food and information. The Gallup group is having a Teen Pizza night on Feb. 20th. Bowling is planned for teens in Albuquerque on March 19th. Farmington is hosting a Spring Fling on March 20th. Alamogordo is having a Park Day on April 3rd. More events are planned on an on-going basis, so check the website often. Pictures and updates will be posted regularly.

Hope you can join us for any of these events. If you have an idea for an activity or class, please call and let us know. Thanks.
Carol

Monday, February 8, 2010

Hi All, Wendy here with an update for Region 1 Farmington Area

Looks like every Region of FIESTA has great things planned for 2010!!!!!!

Here are some of the things going on in the Farmington Area

February ‘10 - 13th Family Activity, Valentine Party/MultiRacial Adoption chat, Sycamore Center, 1pm to 3pm
20th Coffee and Chat - 20 Things, Please call for location, 2pm to 4pm

March ‘10 - 20th Family Activity, Spring Fling, 12pm to 4pm
27th Coffee and Chat - 20 Things, Sycamore Center, 2pm to 4pm

April ‘10 - 17th Coffee and Chat - 20 Things, Sycamore Center, 2pm to 4pm

May ‘10 - 8th Training, Sexually Reactive Behavior, 2pm to 4pm
15th Coffee and Chat - 20 Things, Sycamore Center, 2pm to 4pm

June ‘10 - 12th Swim Party
19th Coffee and Chat - 20 Things, Sycamore Center, 2pm to 4pm



If you would like to participate in any of these great events please feel free to call me at





1-888-299-3014 or email at wendy.mangum@la-familia-inc.org

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Monday, February 1, 2010

Region Two Updates

Hello everyone!
This is Tim Martinez, the Family Contact from Region Two. I have to re-introduce myself due to a sabbatical that I am returning from.
Just before Thanksgiving our phone rang...you all know where this is going right? It was our social worker wishing us a Happy Holiday season....yeah right... she was calling to let us know that she had a sibling group consisting of two little brothers, age 15 months and six days. Without nine months to prepare mentally or household wise, Marie and I prayed about the situation and decided we were up for the challenge.
Bringing in a newborn into the house was quite interesting. Two in the morning feedings, three in the morning feedings, four in the morning feedings. Changing the diapers on a 15 month old that eats table food, it's all good.
So, Here are some dates to save for February.

Feb. 13th- ICE SKATING in Los Alamos, NM 4:00pm

Feb.23rd- Love and Logic Video and discussion in Raton,NM 5:30pm

Feb.27th- Eating Disorders Training in Las Vegas,NM 9-12pm

Feb. 28th- Lunch and discussion(Support group) in Santa Fe,NM 2:00pm


Please feel free to contact me via e-mail: tim.martinez@la-familia-inc.org or by phone 505.470.6941

I am looking forward to hitting the pavement for some good old Adoption Support activities!
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
TM

Sensory Training- volunteers needed

Do you suspect that your child may have sensory processing problems?

We will be having a workshop on sensory processing on Feb 27, 9 a.m.- 12 in Albuquerque. Judy Dienema, Occupational Therapist is looking forward to giving this presentation. In preparation, she would like to select two children from our group to do case studies during her training. This would involve filling out a questionnaire and having an interview sometime in the next couple of weeks. This is a great opportunity for someone who has been thinking about looking into this area anyway. Contact Carol at 573-0674 to arrange for a case study or to rsvp for this event.

Sunday, January 31, 2010


“YOUNG WOMENS ART GROUP ON FEMININITY "
(4 WEEK Class/ limit of 6/ Ages 13-19) @ La Familia Office 707 Broadway 6 to 8 pm

Week 1, Tuesday, Feb. 16th Creating A Contract & The Messages Girls Receive About Being A Woman

Week 2, Tuesday, Feb. 23rd (Continuation)

Week 3, Tuesday, March 2nd Caring For Our Hearts

Week 4, Tuesday, March 9th Staking Claim On The Woman I Want To Be!

There is no cost to these classes.
Some supplies will be required to bring.
Class is limited, so please RSVP ASAP!!!
Call Monica @ 235-7261

Friday, January 29, 2010

I have discovered the wonderful world of adoptive parent blogs. It is like an online version of what we are creating through the FIESTA project...connection with other families, sharing skills, supporting through challenges. This video is by a mom who feels very strongly that families deserve easy access to the skills they need to parent their children. That is what FIESTA is all about...



Her blog is www.welcometomybrain.net

Monday, January 18, 2010

Are You "Mommied (or Daddied) Out"?

I had some close friends over the other night, a family with several kids. During the course of the evening my friend looked at me and said, “I’m Mommied-out? Can you tell? Do you ever get that way?” You betcha. Here’s how I know that I’m getting Mommied-out-

1. I have had enough touching. If one more kid tries to sit on my lap or give me a hug while I’m preoccupied, my first reaction is to nudge them away. (How terrible is that!? Being annoyed over a hug?!)
2. I overreact. Of course my four year old shouldn’t have thrown his clothes all over his floor. Really though, maybe a ranting ten minute lecture while pacing frantically around his room was uncalled for. Not to mention ineffective.
3. I yell, “STOP YELLING!”
4. Everything is my husband’s fault. I pick at him over insignificant shortcomings until he smiles and says, “Do you need to get out tonight?” Which insults me- how dare he say such a thing?
5. Monica says, “It’s when the “mommy-bear comes out” and its not protection.”
6. “I find that I am not enjoying my children. I’m not laughing as much.”
7. “Noise bothers me.”

When I get “mommied-out” there’s really only one thing to do- get away for a while. Sometimes a simple trip to the grocery store will do it for me, sometimes a date with my honey or a friend, and once or twice a year I manage a weekend away. Amazing how a little time off puts things back into perspective and makes my family look sweet and shiny when they run to greet me at the door. What works for you?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Blind Side- a different opinion

I agree with Sheila- I loved the movie too. I cried like an old lady all the way through the second half. It’s a true story and a great story about putting aside stereotypes and doing the right thing. Something about it troubled me though and I couldn’t quite pinpoint where that little mental discomfort was located until tonight. When Sheila wrote that she would like her children to see it when they were older, I wasn’t so sure that I would take mine. I figured out why when I was talking to my husband, Ron, who hasn’t seen it yet. How can you find fault with something that is true and noble? What has been bothering me is that the movie reinforces racial stereotypes. Maybe I’m too sensitive and looking for hidden prejudice, but I’d like to see more balance in the stories chosen to inspire us. Am I just weird?

Monday, December 7, 2009

Book Club

Wow! What a crowd we have gotten on the book club! I can’t wait to hear what each of them thinks about the book. We are on Chapters 5 and 6 and digging deeper into the challenges that can arise in the minds of an adoptee.
When one of my daughters was about six, she walked across the living room, where I was sitting innocently with a book, and she stumbled and fell. Angry, she looked up at me and yelled accusingly, “MOM!” as if I had pushed her. To this day, whenever she is having a hard time, she decides that it is my fault. Chapter 6 is entitled, “My Unresolved Grief May Surface in Anger Toward You.” Interesting.
To join us, look for Face Book group, “NM Fiesta Book Club.”

Coffee and Chat

I haven’t been to a “Coffee and Chat” (formerly known as a support group) for a couple of months, so I went yesterday. It was fun to see how many people showed up. Word must be getting out. The atmosphere in the group is amazing- there is a spirit of acceptance, fun, and the camaraderie of people who understand each other’s difficulties and joys. Some of the group have established, close relationships, but you don’t feel excluded. Rather, you feel as if you've been invited to join the club. One young couple is awaiting their first placement, three families just finalized their adoptions last month, there were several families, like mine, who have several children in various situations, and a seasoned veteran (it was an honor to meet her) who has one daughter almost grown.
This is an informal, friendly group and although the topic was “Holiday Stress,” we mostly talked about things that were on our minds during this season. We talked about the sorrow of having a child absent during this time due to hospitalization. There is sadness in missing someone you love, relief that help is coming for them, and concern, because you need to face that your child’s problem’s are bigger than you had hoped. We discussed services like the DD Waiver, sensory disfunction, mental health legislation, and what to look for and how to find a good therapist. Several recommendations were given for therapists who understand adoption. We talked about difficult behaviors that come about when a child is starting to attach to his caregiver and the best ways to deal with stealing, lying, and rage. We laughed a lot, drank coffee, and shared funny “kid stories.” The two hours flew by and most people stayed to join their kids in putting gift bags together for kids at a local shelter.
Here’s your invitation to participate. There are groups like this one all over the state. Times are listed on the website. There is free childcare and the kids get to hang out with other adoptees. Maybe it sounds like your family is going through similar challenges. Just being with friends who understand is a big help. If not, and your family is going through a season of calm, please come to let other families share in your wisdom and success. And if you are thinking about adoption or waiting for a child, your family will benefit from starting to gain understanding and build a foundation and strategies for success. We’ll save you a chair.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Christmas Party for Gallup

The last event of 2009 for the Gallup area will be held on Sat. Dec. 12 from 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. at Indian Hills Elementary. The adults will first discuss ch. 7 from "20 Things..." book and then have a White Elephant Gift Exchange. The kids will be making Gingerbread houses with the babysitters. Please RSVP by Monday, Dec. 7 if you will be coming to this last FIESTA event of the year in Gallup. Call Sheila at 888-298-6681 or email me at skruis@swcp.com.

Mark Your 2010 Calendars!

FIESTA events for the New Year in Gallup, NM.


Training


Sat. Jan. 9, 2010 - Traci Tippett will lead a training for us on "Issues of Attachment" from 1-4 p.m. at Indian Hills Elementary. Please RSVP no later than Mon. Jan. 4 to hold your spot for you and your child(ren). Child care is free, but we need to know who is coming!





Support Group/Book Study


The book we have been reading & discussing is called, "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" by Sherrie Eldridge. You can come to any of the following events even if you don't have the book or haven't read the book. Each event below will be held at Indian Hills Elementary from 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. From time to time we will also have an adult adoptee from our community attend to give us their perspective on adoption.


* Sat. Jan. 30 - ch. 8, 9 & 10


* Sat. Feb. 27 - ch. 11, 12 & 13


* Friday, March 26 - ch. 14, 15 & 16




Teen Event


Saturday, Feb. 20, Teenagers ages 13-19 will meet and eat at Big Cheese Pizza on Rt. 66. If you are an adopted teen or a teen living in an adoptive family, you are welcome to come. Fiesta will pay for the pizza and drinks and if you want to play any games, please bring your own money. 6:00-7:30 p.m. Please RSVP by or before Tuesday, Feb. 16.




RSVP to Sheila Kruis at 888-298-6681 or skruis@swcp.com


Please RSVP for all events so that I can plan accordingly. Thanks!


I look forward to a great year with the FIESTA Project in 2010 working with you and for you on behalf of our wonderful children!


Have a Happy New Year!

Friday, November 27, 2009

The Blind Side - Movie Review

The Blind Side (new movie in theaters now) was one of the best movies I have seen in a long time. It was very well done, a moving story and a clean movie as far as language, sex and violence. If you haven't heard of the movie, it is based on a true story about a black teen, Big Mike, who is taken in by a white southern lady and her family. I would recommend this movie to all adoptive parents! Some day we would like our adopted kids to watch it, but we want to make sure that they will be ready to process the issues that the movie brings out about adoption - rejection, abandonment, abuse, etc... Because all children are not ready to process things at the same age, I highly recommend that parents watch it first and then when you think your child(ren) are ready, watch it with them and be ready to process with them. This will definitely be a movie that I will want to buy and own once it comes out on DVD.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

MOVIE REVIEW - "Where the Wild Things Are"

After my 11-year old and I went to see this, I felt compelled to share about this movie.

"Where the Wild Things Are" is brilliantly done. This is a wonderful movie for a psy student, or an adult. Unfortunately, this is NOT a movie for a child to see - IN MY OPINION, especially for those of us whose children have been through trauma.

The movie opens w/ 'Max' running through the house chasing the family dog w/ a fork. It was not an endearing run either, but a Rageful intent to harm the creature, which he does catch the dog (nothing is shown).

The movie is amazingly creative how they brake down each character on the island to describe the family dynamics of being broken and wounded. The creatures on the island are the 'Scape Goat', 'The Black Sheep', 'The Hero Child', etc...

You feel Max's loneliness and desperation; along with his mother. It is very intense. Towards the end, one of the creatures takes on a very dark and dangerous feel. To me, I could see and feel the dark and twisted pathology of this creature.

I would HIGHLY recommend adults see this movie, or young adults. It really brings you into an understanding of the destruction and hopelessness of a wounded home (and individuals).

I would be interested in others who have seen it.

Monica

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

IPOD WINNER!!!

Congratulations to CHERAY MILLIGAN! She has won the drawing for the ipod! Thanks to all of you who left comments on the blog. Email me if you have any suggestions for making this blog a help in your adoption adventure.
carol.gloetzner@la-familia-inc.org.

"Twenty Things,,,," Book Club

Please join us to continue the discussion on Face Book. Group name: NM Fiesta Book Club

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Friday, November 13, 2009

African Adventure

If you check this blog on occasion and read any of my posts, you may have wondered why I committed to doing a couple of things this month and then seemed to disappear. Maybe you thought I was struck by lightening or fired from my job in a dramatic screaming match with my co-workers. Nope. My husband and I have been in the process of adopting a little girl from Uganda, and the planets seemed to align three weeks ago, causing us to make quick plans for a two-week trip out of the country. Our brave (and/or crazy) friend and OT, Lee Anne, had offered some time ago to watch our flock of kids while we were gone. She added her toddler and preschooler to the mix and managed to make every single appointment and swimming lesson and we are grateful and amazed. (As soon as I got back, she made plans for a rehab trip to Hawaii.)
We had heard the stories about Ugandan adoptions and the long hours waiting. We hoped to avoid at least a little of that by getting everything in order before we left. We have a remarkable Ugandan friend who offered to do much of the legwork for us and we had an attorney lined up who had a court date set for the day after we arrived. It didn’t go smoothly. It took ten days to get the ruling. Thankfully, the judge decided to approve the adoption. (Many people choose to get guardianship instead, which is easier, but requires an extra step at home.) We were thrilled and relieved, but that only left us two days to get a passport (one of her caregivers had lost the one we so efficiently did ahead), have her heath checked, gather more paperwork, and meet with someone at the American embassy. By Friday we knew we were in trouble and headed to the embassy with what we had. We made it through the gate and stepped up to reception just as they were locking the doors. We had no idea they closed early on Fridays. Disappointed, we had no choice but for me to leave for home, while Ron stayed behind with our daughter to make the bureaucrats happy. He is hoping to bring her home next week.
I got home on Sunday night and have spent the week putting my kids back together (they had fallen apart), making phone calls and trying to sleep at normal times. I feel like I’ve come through the fog and I’m ready to take care of my responsibilities including updating the book club and gathering advise for tantrum-throwers (a task that seems particularly timely).
Carol

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

INTENTIONAL RE-PARENTING training

Bold In Farmington
this Saturday, November 7th
11 to 4:30 @ The Sycamore Community Center
Topics Include:
Discipline vs Punishment
Neurobiology of Trauma
Coming Alongside Anger
Avoiding Power Struggles
Creating an Emotional Vocabulary
& More!
Call Wendy Mangum @ 505-803-3160 to reserve your seat.
child care & lunch provided

Monday, October 19, 2009

Adopted Adult Confirms Book Choice

Hello, my name is Sheila Kruis and I live in Gallup, NM. This past weekend I attended a women's conference at a local church. One of the speakers, Barbara Pack, spoke to us about how we need to take care of our children. What really caught my attention with her was her story and testimony of how she grew up in the foster care system and was eventually adopted as a teenager, but also got involved with drugs and ended up in jail. Her life turned around 180 degrees and she is now raising her three daughters and has a ministry to women coming out of prison or jail.

At one of the breaks I was able to introduce myself to Barbara and I told her that my husband Brian and I have five children total and have adopted three of our children and are working on adopting our foster baby. When she heard that, the first thing out of her mouth was, "You NEED to read the book, 'Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adopted Parents Knew', by Sherrie Eldridge." Then I was able to tell her about my position as a Family Contact with FIESTA and that we are currently reading and discussing that very book in our Gallup Support Group. She was so thrilled! Barbara personally knows Sherrie, the author of the book, and said she would share this information with her as well. This was such a confirmation to me that reading this book is exactly what we need to be doing. I also noticed on Amazon.com that Sherrie is coming out with a new book in about a week, that would seem to follow well after this book.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Beatitudes for friends of special needs children

Saw this on mommylife.net....


Blessed are you who take time to listen to difficult speech:
For you help us to know that if we persevere,
We can be understood.

Blessed are you who walk with us in public places,
And ignore the stares of strangers,
For in your companionship,
We find havens of peace.

Blessed are you who never bid us to "hurry up",
And more blessed are you
Who do not snatch tasks from our hands to do them for us,
For often we need time rather than help.

Blessed are you who stand beside us
As we enter new and untried ventures,
For our failures will be outweighed
By the times we surprise ourselves and you.

Blessed are you who ask for our help,
For our greatest need is to be needed.

Blessed are you when you assure us,
That the one thing that makes us individuals
Is not in our peculiar muscles,
Nor in our wounded nervous systems,
Nor in our difficulties in learning,
Nor any exterior difference.
But is in our inner, personal, individual self
Which no infirmity can diminish or erase.

Author Unknown

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Gallup Family Hike

Fall is here and it is so refreshing to be outdoors when the seasons are changing. The Family Activity that is being planned for the Gallup area is a hike up Pyramid rock on Saturday, November 7 from 10 a.m. - noon. Come meet at the base just before 10 a.m. and we'll grab a water bottle and some trail mix and start hiking. Please RSVP to Sheila @ 803-3163 by Nov. 2.

I feel a meltdown coming on

I went to Gallup last Friday to attend Monica’s class on re-parenting and learned a ton! I’ve got to also say that I’m tempted to put the house on the market, pack up the gang and u-haul it over to Gallup because the group there was so friendly, intelligent, and supportive. So on the trip home, when I had time to digest the information and brainstorm, I came up with an idea. I’d like to address a specific challenging behavior, such as chronic lying, stealing, or tantrums for example, and give some solutions that have been successful by some of our experienced parents. Then if you have some wisdom to add, you can help the rest of us by leaving your comment. We could do about one a week. What do you think? I’ve had a question lately about tantrums, so let’s start with that. There’s the good old “ignore it and it will go away” tactic, but what happens if that doesn’t work? Maybe you have a kid that is “too old” for meltdowns, and you suspect that something more is going on. I’ll make some calls to some of our family contacts and get back with you. Oh- and so I don’t get in trouble, I’ll add a disclaimer (my kid is in law school): the ideas shared will be parent-to-parent and not to be taken as professional advice ;-) Also, if there is something specific you’d like us to address, let me know.
Carol

Book Club II

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Want Their Adoptive Parents to Know
Book Club session II, Chapters 3 and 4

I’ve been telling people that I think I’ve developed adult onset ADHD and here is one proof. I am currently reading six books at once. Now, I’m a reader, but I usually stick to one or two at a time. One of the books I’ve been reading along with this one is called, "The Art of Helping…What to Say and Do When Someone is Hurting", by Lauren Briggs. I highly recommend it and it is a good companion to this book. Many of us are so uncomfortable around suffering, afraid to say the wrong thing, afraid maybe to address our own pain, that we avoid the very ones who need us the most. Staying alongside our child in his grief, instead of trying to make everything better with a quick hug and a cookie, is what is required.
So here are some things to think about from chapters 3 and 4.

1. Did you have a romanticized view of adoption when you first started the process? If so, how has that changed?
2. Is the term “special needs” overused? Offensive? Are you comfortable giving your child this label? Is it a blessing or a curse?
3. How do you feel about your child’s losses? Does profound loss ever go away?

I loved the section on meeting needs. The lists are so specific and ring so true, that I feel like laminating them and reading them every day. In my busy-ness, I assume that my children must know how much I value them and I don’t verbalize it nearly enough. Now that I think about it, that is also true for all of the people I love.
Please let me know what you think.
Carol

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Support Group Book Study - Gallup

I was trying to post a comment to Carol's questions RE: the book, "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew," and was unable to, so I decided to post a comment this way. When our group in Gallup met to discuss ch. 1 and 2, we talked about some of the ways to "Gain Access" with your children. One way that we discussed that we have found to be effective is if your child is from a different culture, to celebrate their culture in your home in a variety of ways. Some of those ways are to have art, clothes, pictures, books, language and food from their culture in your home. Other ways are to connect with people who are from their culture. Whatever you can do to help your child see that their culture is important to you, it will help open the doors to further communication in other areas as well.

For those of you reading this book and are in the Gallup area, we will discuss ch. 3 and 4 on Sat. Oct. 24 from 6:30 - 8:00 p.m. at Indian Hills Elementary. Kids who come to this Fall Fiesta Fun night are welcome to dress up in their favorite fun Halloween costume and get their trick or treat from the FIESTA babysitters a week early! (No scary costumes please.) Please RSVP to Sheila at 803-3163 by Oct. 20th if you will be coming to this event.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Book Club!

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

I’m probably going to love this book, because I have kind of avoided reading it. Like I’ve said, “The title didn’t yell out, ‘Read me!” I’m trying to figure out why that is. It could be that I don’t want to look at my children’s pain, not necessarily because I would hurt so badly for them, but because it requires work on my part. (selfish, but true) It’s much easier for me to only look at what is pleasant or immediate. Easy to try and change unwanted behavior without digging into the “why’s.” Difficult to look at my child’s life without myself on a throne in the center.
The other reason I’ve avoided it, I think, is that I thought it would be a book based on generalizations. I have known many adult adoptees and have been exceptionally close to two. They both fit the category of non-curious, emotionally balanced and not interested in delving into their losses or finding a biological link. Again, I admit my own lazy attitude in assuming that my own children will follow this pattern. If one looks at her childhood with too strong a microscope, nearly everyone can claim dysfunction. Then again, putting on dark glasses to avoid seeing the hurt is the opposite pitfall, isn’t it?
So, here we go….I’m going to jump in and hope this book will help me recognize my shortcomings and motivate me to change. I truly hope that I will become the kind of parent that will be a healing force, encouraging my children to trust me with their pain, questions, and anger.
The format of this book club will evolve, I think, because new things usually do.
Please leave a comment or give me a call if you’ll be participating. After this installment, we will move to a Face Book group in order to facilitate better dialogue. I’ll put reminders on the blog and a schedule. I’ll come up with a few discussion questions, but feel free to stray from them if something strikes you while you’re reading. For now, leave your answers and thoughts as a comment. Please don’t feel as if you have to be grammatically correct or have your thoughts super-well organized. If your style is rambling and informal- all the better. This is a time for friends to learn from each other.

Chapters 1 and 2. (Introduction)
1. Are you comfortable with the author’s credentials for writing this book? Why or why not?
2. Does it seem logical to you that a pre-born infant has already bonded to her mom? Does she grieve or become confused if she is “taken away?” How does this relate to you if your child came into your life when they were older?
3. If you’d like to, please share any success or failure that came to your mind while reading the section, “How to Gain Access.”
4. Do you think that you can bring up your child’s adoption too often? Do you agree with the mother mentioned in chapter 2 who said she talks about adoption with her children every day? Can you create feelings of loss where there weren’t any by planting, even encouraging, those ideas in your child?

Carol

Saturday, October 3, 2009

One Happy Mistake!

Well, my boy is out of the hospital and doing better. He’s scheduled for surgery (out-patient) in about a week and we’re hoping that he’ll be as good as new. We’ll have that book club I promised you up this next week…you are reading the “Twenty Things…” book aren’t you?

I had a cool “Fiesta” thing happen last week and couldn’t wait to tell you about it. I had arranged to go to a conference I ran across online. It’s kind of a big deal, but I hadn’t heard about it before this year- the SW Conference on Disabilities at the Convention Center in Albuquerque. I got the okay to attend, but not knowing how helpful it would be, I chose to go the day in which the most workshops were related to kids. (Everything about this conference is kind of pricey.) I also put down the big bucks to rent an eight inch piece of real estate on a table so I could park a pile of our brochures. We thought about renting an entire table, but it was either that or pay the electric bill. (I am sooo cheap- I parked about a mile away to avoid paying $6 for the parking lot. Besides, I figured I could count it as working out, as long as I could avoid getting mugged in the back ally.) After I got my bearings, I searched for our bright orange flyers on the designated table and they weren’t there! When I am in these types of situations, my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality disorder surfaces and I have to choose one, so I put on a smile and went to find someone who looked official. After explaining the problem, the reply was, “Oh, I know about that. We made the mistake of putting them into the bags instead.” Well, Hallelujah! That option would have cost a squillion dollars more than just sticking them on the table, so now everyone who went to the conference will have an opportunity to know about us. It’s the kind of mistake that you love to hear about!

Anyway, the conference itself was very good and I learned a lot to pass on to other parents, but the best part was the people I met. I must have run across everyone who attended that had an adoption story, several of them adoptive parents themselves. What fun! Oh- and I didn’t get mugged.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Night at the Races!!!

Hi All,

Just wanted to let you all know that the night at the races was a GREAT night! We had a great turnout.... We used all 40 tickets and that didn't even include all of the little ones that got in free!!!!! There was some pretty wild racing for sure but I think the highlight of the evening was when the kids got to go down onto the track and ride along in a race car with the drivers. They all got 2 laps on the track and the checkered flags flew at the end of their ride!!!!! After racing a few families even went to the pits to meet the drivers...... It was great to have so much participation!!! Thanks to all of you who helped to make the night a success!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

A Night at the Races!!!!!

Night at the Races!!!
Come join us for a night at the races!!!
The Region 1 Fiesta Project is inviting adoptive families to a Night at the Races!!!
Come join us for the final night of racing at Aztec Speedway!!!!!
I just found out that they will be doing a Kids In Cars night!!!!!
Kids aged 6 to 12 get to ride along in a real race car with the drivers!!!!!

Saturday, September 26th, 20096:00pm

R.S.V.P with Wendy 1-888-299-3014 or 505-803-3160

Monday, September 21, 2009

Attachment Training, this Saturday, Sept. 26th

"Intentional Re-Parenting"
this Saturday, Sept. 26th, from 9 to 2 pm
RSVP needed. Pls call Monica @ 505-235-7261
@ La Familia, 707 Broadway Blvd (corner of Lomas and Broadway)

TEEN NIGHT (12-19) - This Friday (9/25)

Fall is Here In the East Mtns
Camp Fire - Hotdogs - Smores - Hot Cocoa!
THIS Saturday, September 25th
5:30-8:00 @ Glotzner Homestead
RSVP to Gayle or Sue @ 877-380-3597 or Monica @ 235-7261
Call Carol for directions, 270-6219

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

On line book club

Don't tell Sheila, but I'm copying her great idea to start a book club by reading, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge. (Pretend that the title is underlined in honor of my sixth grade teacher, but I can't figure out how to do it on this blog program.) I think it would be good if we follow Sheila's group in reading two chapters at a time. (Surprise! There are twenty chapters!) I know it's short notice to keep up with them, but let's try. I'll post something about the book over the weekend of the 26th of September and y'all HAVE to comment. I might have to resort to posting some outrageously crazy opinions to make you mad enough to argue with me. Remember that every comment on the blog will enter you to win the ipod in November...and... count them, you still have a pretty good chance to win. I'm looking forward to reading the book...in fact I checked out a copy from the Fiesta library just before Sheila posted that her group is reading it together. I've seen it around here and there and to be honest the title didn't yell out, "READ ME!" in my little brain. But, I've heard from other parents that it's great, so I'm looking forward to settling down in my secret hiding spot to enjoy it. Between you and me, I've had a crazy couple of weeks and as I write this, I have one kid in the hospital and two others slated for surgery soon.....this is not a normal or welcome family custom to commemorate the beginning of the flu season. Anyway, let's read the book together and compare notes.
Carol

Medication?

I recently heard from a friend who has struggled with a certain son's behavior for several years. She's upset because her husband and mother insist that she look into putting him on ritalin. She has studied attachment issues, reading every book on the subject since she and her husband adopted this son and his brother. The two boys had a background involving early abuse, abandonment and several placements. She has held off having him tested for ADHD because she has read that many children with trauma related issues present as having ADHD, when in fact, they need to work through the trauma and the attention symptoms will resolve themselves. She has observed that when she is unencumbered by other stresses in life, and free to give him extra support and attention, he is able to function normally. But since life doesn't always allow her to always concentrate only on him, his behavior digresses. She prefers not to use medication. What would you tell her?

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Little Girl Who Got it Right

Having a severely disabled son in a wheelchair, who doesn’t look a thing like me, I get used to the stares. I’ll admit that sometimes I’m just not in the mood and have been known to whisper to a child who is old enough to know better, “It’s not nice to stare.” Hopefully the kid’s dad heard it too, because he has been craning his neck to get a better look for the last six minutes. I could not believe the audacity when on one such occasion a mom said to me, “Well, I’m trying to show my daughter that people in wheelchairs want you to understand what happened to them.” Once a twelve-year-old girl rode past our campsite on a bike, then doubled back to take a second look and yelled, “What’s wrong with him?” Okay, I guess I need to work on my attitude.
It’s interesting to see how kids respond to someone in a wheelchair, depending on their age. Tiny ones waddle up to check out all the cool levers and gears and see how much they can touch before someone stops them. Four and five year olds rarely take notice. Early elementary aged kids are openly curious and sometimes stare. My own little ones, who have always had at least two family members who use wheelchairs, have sometimes stared at people in wheelchairs in public. Who can figure? I usually bend down and whisper, “It’s not nice to stare,” to my own kids.
So I’m on an outing with my son and we go into a small, mostly empty bookstore. Once in awhile I catch a glimpse of a four-year-old girl sneaking glances at us. You can just about read her mind, “Why isn’t that boy walking? Why do his eyes look so blank? Why is he all curled up? Why isn’t he talking?” She seems to be alone, so I assume she belongs to the lady at the cash register. At one point, I catch her eye and smile at her and turn a corner only to see her again. It’s like we’re being stalked by an adorable, miniature security guard. I’m not really bugged- she’s little and curious. Eventually, she approaches us shyly and asks, “What’s his name?”

Carol Gloetzner

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Night at the Races!!!

Come join us for a night at the races!!!

The Region 1 Fiesta Project is inviting adoptive families to a Night at the Races!!!

Come join us for the final night of racing at Aztec Speedway

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

6:00pm

R.S.V.P with Wendy 1-888-299-3014 or 505-803-3160

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Do 21 months old get alzeimers?

Our 21 month old absolutely LOVES throwng things in the trash for us, so tonight, while I was changing the 5 month old, I rolled up the dirty diaper and asked her to throw it in the trash for me. Later in the evening, as I was closing down the house for the night, I went to the kitchen windows to close the blinds. There on the window sill was the dirty diaper. She's soooo dependable on throwing things away for us, it didn't even occur to me to make sure the diaper actually went in the trash.

Sue

mean kid

I always figured that my granddaughter, Somi, would be teased at school. After all, we had dealt with the stares, questions and ugly comments since she came into our family from India. Somi’s arms end just above the elbows and although she has her own scripted answers for the curious, I couldn’t be at school to overhear. So when she came to me one day off the bus in tears, there was no surprise when she told me that a boy called her mean names. In the microsecond after her comment, my mind went several different ways, coming up with the scripts I had rehearsed to discuss racism and disabilities, starting with the question I finally asked. (I tried to hide my grandma-tiger adrenaline rush.) “What did he say?”
She answered with righteous indignation, “He called me a little kid!”

Carol Gloetzner

Monday, September 7, 2009

Fiesta Project Family Contact Northwest NM

Hello, my name is Wendy Mangum and I am the Family Contact for the NM Fiesta Project in Region 1 (Northwest NM).
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. We have 3 children, my stepson Kally (19) (who we met 3 years ago), my stepdaughter Lesslie (18) (who has been mine since she was 3), and our 10 year old son who we adopted in November 2008.
We started this journey into Relative Adoption in 2006. There have been many challenges, frustrations and days of “what were we thinking?” but those are always outweighed by the rewards.
I am excited about sharing all of the benefits that the Fiesta Project can bring to the many adoptive families in New Mexico and overjoyed to have the opportunity to bring those benefits to this area.
I love the idea of a support Group where we can share our experiences, concerns and expertise. I am excited about providing an avenue to helpful and informative Trainings and especially excited about the Family Activities where we can just get together and HAVE SOME FUN!
Please feel free to contact me by phone (1-888-299-3014 or 505-803-3160), email - wendy.mangum@la-familia-inc.org, or on this blog page and I know that together we can make this journey as fulfilling and rewarding as it should be.
:o) Wendy M.