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Thursday, November 6, 2008

Introductions

If you are an adoptive family visiting the NM FIESTA project, please take a moment to comment on this post and introduce yourself. Please refer to your children by nicknames or initials to protect their privacy. We want this blog to be a place for adoptive families to connect with each other, gain support and encouragement and maybe even learn a little bit.

We are working hard to review resumes, hire Family Contacts in each region and get started on providing support groups, family activities and training all over New Mexico.

Looking forward to meeting you,
Megan & FIESTA staff

Hi everyone,
I wanted to also introduce myself. I am Erika Aceto-Tode and one of the FIESTA staff. I hope to meet all of you as our project takes shape. I have worked as an adoption Coordinator at La Familia, Inc. for 9 years and my husband and I have adopted a beautiful baby named Jayden. I will be happy to share my adoption story with anyone who is interested as Jayden and I help facilitate and participate in all the fun family activities that are being scheduled.

Erika and Jayden

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Therapeutic Crisis Intervention Sessions Scheduled

DATE TIME TOPIC
Wednesday, November 5, 2008 5:30pm-8:30pm The Stress Model of a Crisis
Thursday, November 6, 2008 5:30pm-8:30pm Setting up a Child’s Environment
Thursday, November 13, 2008 5:30pm -8:30pm Interventions / Protective Maneuvers
Saturday, November 22, 2008 9:00am -12:00pm Communicating with our Children
Saturday, November 22, 2008 1:00pm-4:00pm Power and Control/Processing a Crisis

707 Broadway NE #103, Albuquerque, NM
Free! Space is limited!!! Reserve your spot now!!!
Please Sign up with Melissa Romero at 766-9361 x160

This is just the beginning! Many more exciting workshops will be scheduled in every region of New Mexico.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Wellness


Self-Care: Barriers and Basics for Foster/Adoptive Parents
Fall 2005 Adoptalk
by Deena McMahon

A licensed independent social worker, Deena McMahon has worked with families and children for more than 20 years. She is currently director of in-home services at Therapeutic Services Agency, where she supervises more than 25 staff who deliver in-home services in nine east central Minnesota counties. She also conducts parenting assessments, provides attachment therapy, is a staff consultant for social services agencies, and presents at regional and national training events. Through the years, Deena has developed expertise in the areas of childhood trauma, childhood sexual abuse, grief and loss, family violence, adoption, and attachment.
When a foster or adopted child has special needs, parents must juggle appointments with mental health therapists, occupational therapists, physical therapists, speech therapists, psychiatrists, ophthalmologists, allergists, and asthma specialists. They must attend IEP meetings, keep in touch with the school principal and their child’s teacher, check in with the social worker, and establish a schedule for personal care attendants (PCAs). Ongoing appointments and emergencies keep parents so busy that attending to their own feelings and needs may be put on hold.
Self-care, however, is crucial for foster and adoptive parents. The physical and emotional toll of caring for traumatized children can be overwhelming. Children can project hurt onto parents and, at the same time, blame parents for feelings of loss and despair. Parents must understand both the complexities of foster care and adoption, and their child’s unique needs. With that knowledge and an ongoing commitment to self-care, parents can more easily remain effective and balanced.
Barriers to Good Self-Care
Unfortunately, adoptive and foster parents face many barriers to taking care of themselves.
To start, the phrase—“Take care of yourself!”—has become so trite that, for many, it has lost all meaning. When someone casually tells an adoptive mom whose kids have special needs to take care of herself, she may feel frustrated and angry. It’s easy to say. It’s not easy to do.
Second, many who choose to foster and adopt are natural caregivers. They have pets, partners, children, and aging parents who all require care and attention. Most days, the amount of energy they devote to others’ needs far exceeds any energy directed to their well-being. In fact, many caregivers are uncomfortable being on the receiving end of others’ attention and assistance. They don’t want to be too needy, or seem like they are not up to the challenges they have taken on.
Third, many adoptive and foster parents really want to be there for their families. They want to remember birthdays with a homemade cake. They want to be the cheerful volunteer at their child’s school. They want to deliver a meal to a sick friend, help out at church, and serve on task forces that address children’s needs. So, they work longer and try harder to meet their families’ needs.
Fourth, too many parents simply do not know what would help them. They know something is missing, but can’t put their finger on just what might make them feel better. Parents are often told, “Call if there is anything you need,” but it is hard to call and ask for help, especially when you cannot even articulate what you need. This leaves many parents vulnerable and exhausted.
Even more significantly, too many foster and adoptive parents believe they somehow shouldn’t need support. Many times I have heard parents say that they are in no position to complain or ask for help since they chose to foster or adopt their children. But even when parents know what challenges the child faces, it is often impossible to predict how living with a certain child will change a family.
Compounding matters, recent disasters—9/11, Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, the earthquake in Pakistan, and the prolonged conflict in Iraq—remind us all that there are always other people who are worse off. We are taught as children to be happy with what we have since other people have it much harder. It is little wonder we sometimes feel guilty because our ongoing trauma pales in comparison to these catastrophic tragedies.
The Road to Good Self-Care
From working with parents, I know that to overcome social, mental, and emotional barriers to self-care, you must first come to understand the importance of taking care of yourself, and then build self-care into your daily routine. You must believe that you are worth taking care of, and that your happiness and well-being are not peripheral to, but essential for good parenting. Once you can accept that:
Give yourself permission to need something. It is okay to ask for help. Having needs and trying to meet them is not a sign of incompetence or weakness. It is part of healthy family life. Thirst is your body’s signal to drink and prevent dehydration. In the same way, when you feel stressed out, it is time to take a break so you can regain perspective and deal with the issue at hand more constructively.
Keep it simple. Make life choices that fit your family. Develop consistent routines. Create a safe environment. Understand and respect both your limits and those of your children. Resist the impulse to over-commit what little time you have. Prioritize. Save energy for things that really matter, and seek outside help as soon as you need it. When possible, take advantage of respite opportunities and PCAs to relieve some of the stress during really rough times.
Stop comparing yourself to other adults and families. They do not live your life, and they are not raising your children. Get comfortable with compromising and being different. Your child may talk, think, achieve, behave, and live differently than other children. Instead of measuring your family’s worth by other people’s standards, set expectations for your family based on your children’s capabilities and your family’s reality.
Know which part of the day is the hardest and have a plan to make it go more smoothly. If getting ready for school is rough, prepare as much as you can the night before. If bedtime is hard, start early and set a predictable routine. Decide beforehand how you will respond to behaviors that make that time of day so trying. Accept that you won’t get anything else done, and do only what you must to get through the hard parts.
Join a parent support group. Meeting with other parents who have similar experiences and feelings is one of the most powerful and renewing activities for anyone raising children who have special needs. Just knowing that you are with people who “get it” is affirming. Group members may also be able to trade respite care with you. If a group is not an option, find at least one person outside your immediate family with whom you can be real, and whom you can trust to understand.
Have down time every day. Maybe it’s a morning walk. It might be 10 minutes with the paper and a good cup of coffee. It can be writing in your journal before bed. It could be the drive into work, or times of silent prayer in church. Your mind, body, and soul need time to regenerate from life’s stresses. If you have no down time—a time without distractions and demands—you cannot benefit from moments of reflection and calm that may help you to center and stay balanced.

Routinely have something to which you can look forward. Maybe it’s coffee with a neighbor after the kids are at school. Or a glass of wine Friday night. Or date night with your partner. It could be going alone to the grocery store Saturday morning or having an uninterrupted bath. Remember, waiting too long to reward yourself for a job well done is not an effective way to shape your behavior. Immediate positive reinforcement works for adults too.
Accentuate the positive. It may not be easy, but as you step back to evaluate how you and the family are doing, find time to laugh at the silly situations that come up. Recognize the good in yourself and your children. Celebrate every step forward, no matter how small. Stay connected with your partner. Eat something you really enjoy. (Nutrition is important. Indulgence is wonderful.) Find affirmation in the process of raising an adopted child.
Caring for children who have special needs is a matter of the heart. Self-care is a mind-set and a positive choice. If you can find a balance between caring for your children and meeting your own needs, you will ultimately be much better equipped to do both.

North American Council on Adoptable Children (NACAC)970 Raymond Avenue, Suite 106St. Paul, MN 55114phone: 651-644-3036fax: 651-644-9848e-mail: info@nacac.orgFeedback

Thursday, August 28, 2008

What is the New Mexico Fiesta Project?

Family activities New Mexico FIESTA plans and coordinates social opportunities for adoptive parents and their children. Activities include holiday gatherings, sporting and cultural events and more…

Information is provided through a comprehensive lending library of books and videos for adoptive parents, children and professionals. A listing of available materials can be found at www.nmfiesta.blogspot.com in addition to a statewide resource manual of adoption competent service providers. The website has additional information for LGBT and Spanish speaking families.

Educational workshops are scheduled in each region of the state on a quarterly basis. These workshops build on the information provided in preadoption education. Sessions include attachment, discipline, basic parenting, positive adoption language, open adoption, cultural identity development and therapeutic crisis intervention strategies.

Support groups are held each month in every region of the state. Groups are facilitated by experienced, enthusiastic adoptive parents called Family Contacts (FCs). Groups are also provided for extended family members and children. Family Contacts can be reached on tollfree warmlines to provide encouragement and resources.

Training events are held throughout the year for families, educators and social service professionals on topics including: transracial adoption, talking with kids about adoption, neurobiological aspects of attachment, grief and loss.

Adoptive families from all over New Mexico are eligible to participate in the FIESTA project. All of New Mexico's Adoptive Families including Single parents, LGBT families and Spanish speaking families are welcome.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Choosing an Adoption Competent Therapist

The need for adoption-competent mental health services is critical to the ongoing wellbeing of adoptive families. Feedback from adoptive families reflects a struggle to meet the mental health needs of their children due to a failure of some mental health providers to understand the unique issues of adoption that are related to mental health. Health and behavioral health care providers need to have expertise related to adoption in the same way that a provider might specialize in substance abuse treatment or in a specific diagnosis such as autism.

The following list of characteristics related to adoption-competence can serve as a gauge in choosing a therapist:
• Knowing that adoption is a lifelong process that includes universal experiences as well as unique individual feelings and perceptions.
• Recognizing the therapeutic importance of parenting relationships and family connections for the child.
• Addressing developmental challenges that are common to adoption.
• Helping families promote secure attachments and healthy relationships, no matter what developmental challenges arise.
• Viewing adoption from a culturally competent family perspective and understanding the power and complexities of adoptive and birth family dynamics.
• Treating adoptive families as team players, reaching towards the mutual goal of healing for the child.
• Avoiding blaming adoptive parents for their children’s behaviors; reframing everyone’s goal as being part of the solution.
• Helping adoptive parents honor their child’s past and achieve a comfort level that allows their child to address separation, loss and feelings about birth family.
• Supporting adoptive parents in assuming parental entitlement, fully empowering them as decision-makers and “experts” in the parenting journey.
• Recognizing and respecting the unique characteristics and skills that make adoptive families successful and that assist families in developing and practicing those skills.
• Striving to provide in-home and outreach services to families to meet them “where they are.”
• Recognizing that temporary out-of-home treatment is not an adoption failure but may ultimately keep the child and family connected and reunified.

This list is used by permission of Spaulding for Children and the National Consortium for Post Legal Adoption Services, based on the research of Howard, J and Livingston-Smith, S. (1997) Strengthening Adoptive Families: A Synthesis of Post-Legal Adoption Opportunities Grants,

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Traits of a Successful Adoptive Parent


To be a successful adoptive parent it takes flexibility, patience, tolerance, and having a sense of humor.


The Successful Adoptive Parent ...
• Is fully prepared for adoption and assists the child with adjustment.
• Maintains a connection with the child’s birth family to ensure the children maintain their sense of identity and experience a reduced sense of loss.
• Uses friends, family members and faith-based communities as a support system.
• Finds humor in daily life (even in crisis) and practices self-care.
Reprinted from Kansas Children's Service League

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Adoption Tax Credit


Adoption Tax Credit

The legal and other expenses of adopting a child can be significant. The law permits adoptive parents to claim a credit against their federal tax for up to $11,390.00 for tax year 2007. The adoption of a ―Special Needs‖ child does not require the taxpayer to have qualifying expenses.
The IRS defines a special needs child as:
 A citizen of the U.S.
 The state determines that the child cannot or should not be returned to his or her parents
 Probably will not be adopted unless adoption assistance is provided to the adoptive parents
 Can also include ethnic background, age, member of minority or sibling group, or mental/physical handicap
If the state determines your child to be special needs, keep that documentation. Qualifying expenses are defined as reasonable and necessary expenses directly related to a legal adoption.
Examples include:
 adoption fees
 court costs/attorney fees
 medical expenses
 travel expenses
 other expenses related to the adoption of an eligible child
Excluded or non-qualifying expenses include:
 adoption of a spouse’s child
 expenses paid or reimbursed by federal, state or local programs
 expenses allowed as a credit or deduction under another income tax rule
 expenses that violate a federal or state law
An eligible child must be
 under age 18, or
 mentally or physically disabled
Tip: The Adoption Tax Credit may be carried forward and used on subsequent tax returns up to 5 years.

For more information, see IRS Form 8839, Qualified Adoption Expenses.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

New Mexico supports Adoptive Families!

Within the next several months, monthly support groups, quarterly educational workshops and online support will be available to New Mexico's adoptive families! Support groups will be offered for parents, adopted children and their siblings. Groups will also be provided for Spanish speakers and members of the LGBTQ community. Family Contacts will be identified in each part of the state to provide families with local support and resources. For more information, please check back on this blog in the near future... Good things are yet to come!

Monday, June 2, 2008

Statewide Resources

Resource Manual


FARMINGTON

Family Therapy of Albuquerque
8600 Academy Rd. NE
Albuquerque, NM 87111
(505)821-3628

Child & Family Counseling Services
1115 N. Auburn Ave.
Farmington, NM 87401
(505)320-5073

Farmington Child & Family Behavioral Health
418 W. Broadway
Farmington, NM 87401
(505)327-2607

Corner Stone Counseling-Linda Link MA, LPCC
501Airport Dr. Ste. 220
Farmington, NM 87401
(505)327-4998

Irwin Marc- Psychologist
3005 Northridge Dr.
Farmington, NM 87401
(505)326-2273

Kathleen Miller MA, Lpcc, LMSW
Behavioral Health
800 E 30th Street Ste. D
Farmington, NM 87401
(505)327-2607

San Juan Regional Medical Center Behavioral
Farmington, NM 87401
1-800-533-7679

Hachadorian Gary PHD
211 N. Locke Ave.
Farmington, NM 87401
(505)324-0013

Presbyterian Medical Svc.
314 N. Auburn Ave.
Farmington, NM 87401
(505)326-2695
Camille Matthews Counseling
& Psychotherapy
904 E. 20th St.
Farmington, NM 87401
(505)325-6532






RATON

Psychological Svc. –Michael Alan Cummings
110 Cook Ave.
Raton, NM 87740
(575) 445-0915

Taos-Colfax Community Svc.
207 S. Second St.
Raton, NM 87740
(575)445-2754

Taos-Colfax Community Svc.
220 Fourth Ave.
Raton, NM 87740
(575)445-2754












Gallup

Alliance of Gallup
208 Nizhoni Blvd.
Gallup, NM 87301
(505) 722-9596

Navajo Dept. Behavioral Health
198-E Historic Hwy 66
Gallup, N, 87301
(505)722-9470

Clovis

Family & Children Court Svc. –Casa Program
708 Mitchell St.
Clovis, NM 88101
(575)769-3227

Peak Behavioral Health Svc. Of Clovis
217 Sycamore
St. Clovis, NM 88101
(575)742-2170

Charlotte M. Farkas PHD. Lpcc, Ladac
116 W. Eleventh
St. Clovis, NM 88101
(575)762-8825