Avoiding the Holiday Blues

December can be a stressful time of year, not only for our kids, but also for us. Planning too many things to do can create anxiety on our families with too little sleep and loss of routine.  Envisioning your kids delight while opening a hundred presents with shiny eyes and a grateful heart can cause us to resent them when they can't measure up. Not taking care of ourselves can make the whole month take on an ugly tarnish. Here's some tips for making it easier:

1. Scale back- only do those things that will bring your whole family joy. Don't get carried away with the feeling of obligation to friends and extended family. If you can't attend every event or party, send apologies and carry on without guilt- your child may not be able to hande every get-together.

2. Schedule in plenty of down-time and quiet time. Make crafts together if your child enjoys it, read holiday books, eat by candlelight. Take advantage of the quietness and sensory parts of the holidays with nice smells and tastes, playing in the snow, playing soft music. Avoid busyness.

3. Think about gifts as things that will benefit your child instead of only things on their lists. Remember that whatever you buy may get broken, so expect it. Don't buy expensive things that your child is not ready to take care of. Don't over-do it with numbers of presents either. Think of things that will help your child connect with you- for example, you could go ahead and buy that video game system, but commit to playing together and buy a timer to go with it :) Lay down ground rules from the beginning to avoid power struggles. Think of gifts that you can build together, read together, listen to together.

4. You may dream of taking your child to a special concert or program, you may have wonderful warm, fuzzy expectations of going to grandma's and letting the cousins all play quietly in the other room while the adults visit. But. Your child may not be there yet. And if your plans are ruined by a meltdown or power struggle, your disappointment may cause a problem in your relationship. Think about your expectations and dreams and modify them. It's not your child's fault that you have unrealistic expectations.

5. Pay attention. It's easy to get distracted during this season and not notice signs that your child is starting to get stressed or anxious. Make sure that you're mindful of the clues that something may not be exactly right, and take a few minutes to pull your child aside to make sure everything is fine with them. If it helps, make up a secret sign or code so that your child knows he/she can have your attention when they need it. In our family, if one of our kids says, "I need to talk to you in your office," it's code for, "Something's up and I need you alone." I always respond when they say those words and we find a quiet place to talk.

6. Schedule time to re-charge. Write it on your calendar- "sit on front of the fire with a glass of wine," "get a massage today," "get respite to have coffee with a friend." Not letting yourself get burned out can make all the difference between enjoying the holidays or seeing them as a burden.

Scaling back, re-thinking your expectations and focusing on your child's emotional temperature are three ways to keep the "Happy" in "Holidays." I hope that your family has a fun one this year with plenty of time to play and connect!