and speaking of school issues

as an addendum issue to school:

For years we struggled and struggled to drag one of our children through school and homework. And eventually we listened as our esteemed fellow adoptive parents told us to let go, let the child succeed or fail on their own. Make them responsible for and therefore answerable to their own actions at school. It was liberating! It was wonderful! We no longer fought 5 nights out of 7 as the child cried that she would't, couldn't, and WON'T do her homework. Life was good. AND the school participated in a program called Edline, where we could check and SEE that she was doing some of the school work..and was getting A's on a good majority of work..but there were plenty of instances of getting D's and F's and plenty of instances of just plain not turning stuff in.

We nearly giggled in anticipation of school coming down on her hard...of her repeating the 6th grade (the ultimate in natural causes)...come end of the school year...straight A's and B's...what the heck? How could this be? How do you not do all of your assignments, and get enough D's and F's and still get A's and B's?..

There is where that sympathy thing for our kids go too far. Don't get me wrong..in so many instances and ways our children do deserve sympathy, usually they have led really horrible lives, after all, if they hadn't, they wouldn't be our kids right?...but does sympathy go too far when our children are passed through instead of being held accountable?

Back to School

Have you had anything like this happen? Last year I got a call from a school social worker because apparently, I had been depriving my child of food as a discipline. Yep. My sweetie went to school and told her teacher that she wasn’t allowed to eat lunch that day because she hadn’t done the dishes the night before. Well, that was kind of, a little bit, maybe a teeny amount, based on an actual story. What had happened was that, because my sweetie had refused to help clean up after dinner, we said that instead of buying school lunch (which said sweet-one enjoys), she/he would have to take a "peanut butter and nothing sandwich" and an apple. Somehow that lunch never made it to school, but the story did.

Then there was the year when my darling went to school on a Monday. When the teacher asked about her weekend, my darling said, “Well, my dad was in jail and my mom wanted to watch tv, so I spent the weekend taking care of the kids.” Ok, no truth in that one at all, just for the record.

What’s a mother to do? In both of my situations, I was spared incarceration because I had a good relationship with the teacher and they asked me before calling the authorities. But sometimes that’s not so easy to do, especially in the higher grades or in situations where the child is endearing and convincing. So here’s my dilemma- should I tell the teacher up front that my child has issues and tells lies? Won’t that prejudice the teacher against my sweet one from the start, labeling him/her as a “bad kid”? And how much should I tell about personal stories and RAD problems? Am I violating my child’s trust? I remember one IEP where I went to great lengths to print out information about attachment and my child’s particular issues, along with suggested strategies, only to have the entire team completely ignore it. Then what?

Any ideas?

Adoption Enrichment Group in Gallup

We will watch & discuss "The Blind Side" DVD from 2-5 p.m. on Sat. Aug. 28th @ Indian Hills Elementary School. FREE child care - they will watch a different dvd, play and have snacks. Please RSVP to Sheila @ 1-888-298-6681

Back to School Ice Cream Social

I Scream, You Scream, We all Scream for Ice Cream! You won't want to miss our Back to School Ice Cream Social in Gallup at the Playground of Dreams on Sat. Aug. 21st from 2-4 p.m. Please RSVP to Sheila @ 888-298-6681

Stealing and Lying

These two behaviors can be tricky to navigate. Confrontation often causes the issue to become worse and ignoring doesn't accomplish change. What's a parent to do? One of the best strategies in my arsenal to use with a child caught in a lie is to say, "I don't believe you." Many parents in the ABQ group have had success with this little comment. The results are very different than saying, "You're lying." Want to learn more? Please join us for an informative class on August 21st at the La Familia offices in ABQ, from 9 am- 11. Call Sue to sign up and register your kids for free child care.

A Good Website for Those With Disabilites

Think About It...

As we accept our children, we free them to be who they are in a world that is trying to tell them every day to be someone else.

Tim Hansel

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Sir Isaac Newton

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