as an addendum issue to school:
For years we struggled and struggled to drag one of our children through school and homework. And eventually we listened as our esteemed fellow adoptive parents told us to let go, let the child succeed or fail on their own. Make them responsible for and therefore answerable to their own actions at school. It was liberating! It was wonderful! We no longer fought 5 nights out of 7 as the child cried that she would't, couldn't, and WON'T do her homework. Life was good. AND the school participated in a program called Edline, where we could check and SEE that she was doing some of the school work..and was getting A's on a good majority of work..but there were plenty of instances of getting D's and F's and plenty of instances of just plain not turning stuff in.
We nearly giggled in anticipation of school coming down on her hard...of her repeating the 6th grade (the ultimate in natural causes)...come end of the school year...straight A's and B's...what the heck? How could this be? How do you not do all of your assignments, and get enough D's and F's and still get A's and B's?..
There is where that sympathy thing for our kids go too far. Don't get me wrong..in so many instances and ways our children do deserve sympathy, usually they have led really horrible lives, after all, if they hadn't, they wouldn't be our kids right?...but does sympathy go too far when our children are passed through instead of being held accountable?
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