Big, Big Family

I have thirteen kids. I can remember when I found out that I was pregnant for number 4, my husband’s jogging buddy, a psychologist, was appalled. “How can you possibly have a connected relationship with all of those kids!?” he asked. (I wonder what he would say now.) But it is a question worth asking, and is becoming controversial in some adoption circles- is it really a good thing to have such a large family, especially when some of them have a lot of issues?

All families have similarities, but things work differently in a large household. There are a lot of pluses- my kids always have someone to play with, someone to whisper with at night in their rooms; any special occasion becomes a party and we can have a full scale soccer game or basketball game when the whole family gets together; the birthday song is LOUD; there’s plenty of love to go around. And there are some challenges- my kids always have someone to argue with and blame, someone to interrupt their sleep with a bad dream or early morning chatter, a special occasion can be overwhelming, the birthday song is LOUD, and sometimes it can feel like there’s not always enough time to go around.

There are two things that I learned as a young mom that really help me make sure that no one gets less than their share of time and love. I heard the phrase, “God doesn’t love us all, He loves us each,” and I decided to make that one of my mantras. Each child needs to be appreciated as an important individual and not just as a part of the crowd. Secondly, my kids all help out- they help with the dishes, each others’ homework, feeding our zoo of pets, doing their own laundry. But the one thing that they never help me with is parenting. The fact that they have responsibilities frees my husband and I to spend the time, teach the lessons, give the hugs, and then everyone can play. It can be difficult, at times, just like any family, but well worth it. I love my crazy, busy, loud and happy houseful of characters.

By the way, many of my kids are grown and on their own. My household consists of my husband and me, a helpful college student daughter, two disabled adults and five kids. Even though they don’t all still live at home, I like to tell people I have thirteen just to see the look on their faces. It’s all part of the fun.