It is hard to believe I am at the
fourth anniversary of my children’s arrival. Looking back, four years ago,
there were many times I was at a complete loss and felt isolated and scared. I
was not new to adoption, having adopted my oldest daughter as a teenager some
years prior. Having successfully navigated the teen years, I did not anticipate
the challenges that were to come. Friends and family members were having babies
and there were no ready playmates for my then four and six years olds. Those
that I knew or encountered with kids close in age to mine had raised them from
birth and the challenges they experienced were different. Often, rather than
feeling more connected, the lack of shared experience made me feel more
alone.
There were times in the first two
years, where my children could not sit through an activity for more than 10
minutes. As someone who is not the greatest of planners, this was very hard for
me. Trying to come up with enough activities to get through a day could have
been my full time job. I remember weekends stretching out for what seemed like
forever, and when I felt like I should have earned a medal just for making it
to bedtime.
There were two things I really
needed at that time; support and things to do with my kids. I am not alone in
this need. All parents struggle, regardless of whether their children are
biological or not. With adoption, some of the challenges are different. It was
a relief when, through the Rio Grande Navigators scouting group, I met others
who had or were going through similar struggles. These folks understood what it
was like to have a child having nonstop tantrums every Saturday as my daughter
struggled with the change in routine. They understood my son's indifference to
my authority, and that his not listening was not "bad
parenting".
The Rio Grande Navigators is a
family-focused scouting group that involves the whole family in monthly scouting
activities, called “treks.” Kids get to meet other kids, build friendships, and
earn scouting merit badges. Many of our kids struggle socially, however the
parent involvement structure of Rio Grande Navigators allows for parents to
help facilitate these interactions when appropriate. Parents have the
opportunity to meet other parents and build their own support system. The
planned activities are interesting and often things the kids would not get to
do on their own. I take my kids hiking all the time. But I likely would never
have had them build rockets or set up a tour of a fire station. My kids look
forward to the activities, though more than that, they are excited to see their
friends. Building on the family-focus,
each family takes a turn organizing a trek once or twice per year. Kids receive their badges, which they can
display on their Navigator hat, twice a year during a formal celebratory Badge
Ceremony.
I am not desperate for the
activities as I was three or four years ago. We can now enjoy each Navigators
trek for its unique experience. But I remember a time, not all that long ago,
when something to do for a few hours on a weekend day would have felt like a
lifesaver. Though the challenges I have with my kids have decreased, when they
arise, it is other Navigator parents that I turn to for support.
I encourage others to participate in
the Rio Grande Navigators, or start a Navigator scouting group on your own
area, and become a part of our community.
Ilyssa Bozza
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