In preparing for adoption, most parents are frightened when
they come across the list of symptoms for Reactive Attachment Disorder. They
hope and pray that the child they end up with isn’t one of “those kids.” It can
sound like a horror movie- a child who wants control at all costs, manipulates,
lies, steals, pulls the dog’s tail, or hides entire meals under her mattress.
Most of us don’t know if we’re prepared to parent a child with such a scary
diagnosis.
The truth is, adoption always involves loss. Even in the
best of circumstances, there is trauma for the child. And let’s face it- most adopted
kids experience more than their share. Trauma for a child is going to affect
the trust they have in the world. “Can the adults in my life meet my needs and
keep me safe, or do I have to fend for myself?” This trauma can translate into
compromised attachment leading to behavior challenges. Like many disorders
(think, ADHD) attachment issues operate more along a spectrum than an absolute.
Although full-blown “RAD” is rare, most of our kids will struggle with the
effects of their trauma, including a compromised ability to form secure
attachments. An adoptive parent needs to realize that their child’s trauma and
loss can affect behavior in many ways and we need to become skilled in reading
our child’s behavior as a second language so that we can help them heal.
Whether or not your child ends up with a diagnosis of RAD or
other challenges, there is hope. The NM Fiesta Project was created to support
adoptive parents throughout the state. Visit our website at nmfiestaproject.org
to find out more.
Carol Gloetzner
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