Keeping up with the Government

I recently had a question from an adoptive dad concerning the new tax changes. Here's the latest from the North American Council on Adoptable Children.....

"The health care reform bill made the U.S. federal adoption tax credit refundable for 2010 and 2011. New guidance from the IRS states that adoption tax credits carried forward from previous years will also be refundable, which means that families who adopted as far back as 2005 but who didn't have enough tax liability to use the credit in the past can take full advantage of the credit with their 2010 return."

I'm no tax expert, but I can direct you to the answers if you email or give me a call. It's nice to hear about available financial help this time of year.

Things to do with Fiesta Project

It's been a while, since I've been here. Raising 6 kiddos and working with the Fiesta Project, sometimes time flies waaay too fast.

But there is alot going on with the Fiesta Project and I just wanted to get it out there so everyone can attend.

November 28th, 2-4:30PM,there is Chili and Bingo in Torrance County/East mountains. Fiesta on the East side is normally held at the "My Happy Place Child Care, 48 Horton Road in Edgewood. Now, you can't type that address in to your GPS nor mapquest and get there. You need to call Monica Cohu at 235-7261 or Carol Gloetzner at 1-888-298-7562 for good directions. But join them and have lots of fun and good food. It's free, it's always free...and you just might make some friends who understand your life.

On November 30th, 11:30 to 1:30PM, at the Hayne's Community Center, we're bringing our first of many training sessions to the Rio Rancho area, with Leah Brouwers presenting "Sexualized Behaviors" Alot of people think that if their child didn't come to them with sexual abuse KNOWN in their history, that they aren't going to be faced with a child sexually acting out. I only wish that were the case. Many times, it takes a child coming into your home, and finally feeling absolutely safe and accepted for these issues to surface. OR ..sometimes a child can act out sexually for reasons other than the fact that they were sexually abused. So come hear about Sexualized Behaviors and be prepared and armed with the information you need. RSVP to Sue Nachor 385-4771.

On December 2, from 5-8PM, we are holding our first of many training sessions in the Valencia County area. We will be presenting Traci Tippett and the Dance of Attachment at the Belen Community Center, 300 Eagle Lane. The Dance of Attachment is an extrememly vital training on WHY our children aren't attached and how to get them to do so. Don't miss this training, and if you've gone before, it's always got a different spin, so come again. RSVP to Sue Nachor 385-4771.

Y'all have a great rest of your weekend!

Sue Nachor
385-4771 or sue.nachor@yahoo.com

Lying & Stealing Training in Gallup, NM

You won't want to miss this incredible training led by Leah Brouwers, LMFT on Saturday, November 13, 2010 at Indian Hills Elementary School in Gallup, NM from 1-4 p.m. This training, "Lying & Stealing Behaviors in Foster & Adopted Children - Staying Safe & Sane" will give you great insights & 3 ceu hours! There will be Free child care - Kid's Group - Free Snacks & Door Prizes. Please RSVP to Sheila @ 888-298-6681 by Wed. Nov. 10th! Thank you!

Zoo Yoga During Kids' Group!

I was interested to read this information about the benefits of practicing yoga with children. We are pleased to have the DVD, "Animal Yoga," as a calming end to every kids' group session. Kids' groups are offered during every training and discussion activity offered by Fiesta. Children had improved sensory-motor performance (improved visual and auditory reaction times, decrease in errors on motor tasks), improved spatial memory, and central nervous system processing. Yoga practices were also found to improve time "on task" (increased attention) for children with attention problems. Children with mental retardation who practiced yoga during a school year showed significant improvement in IQ and social skills (largely due to improvements in neuromuscular performance). Breathing techniques decreased autonomic nervous system sympathetic output and increased parasympathetic output, resulting in a calmer state. One study found adolescent girls who had been traumatized had a decreased anxiety state after practicing yoga regularly. 

Physiological benefits:
Pulse rate decreases
Respiratory rate decreases
Cardiovascular efficiency increases
Musculoskeletal flexibility and joint range of motion increase
Sleep improves

Psychological benefits:
Somatic and kinesthetic awareness increase
Social adjustment increases
Anxiety and depression decrease
Hostility decreases

Cognitive benefits:
Attention improves
Memory improves
Learning efficiency improves

Biochemical benefits:
Glucose decreases
Total cholesterol decreases
Oxygen level in the brain increases

Preview of our video Friday night in ABQ!

The IDEAL Response for Parents from Tapestry on Vimeo.

We're hosting a potluck movie night for parents....with pajama party and movie for the kids... Come join us!

New Empowered to Connect Resource!

We, at FIESTA, are huge fans of all things Karyn Purvis and we're excited about this latest free audio...

http://empoweredtoconnect.org/connecting-with-your-children-as-they-get-older/

Letter from a Parent

This morning I recieved an email from a hopeful adoptive parent who participates in FIESTA. She gave me permission to share it with our readers because I think it is important for our staff to know the impact we have on families and for families to know about the assistance we offer.



I wanted to share a recent experience with you about my life and how things have changed recently. I am a mom to 6 absolutely amazing children. Each one of them has a story that will bring tears to your eyes. Each is a survivor and has magnificent qualities about them. Each child has stolen my heart and I am blessed to know and love each one of them.
Growing a family through adoption can be difficult. There are many things that I was not aware of when I began this journey. I am learning new things every day. One thing that has come to light in my life is that typical parenting does not work with all children. My mother’s parenting does not work with most of my children. I am the inventor of my own techniques with each of my children and sometimes what worked yesterday may not work today.
We have two children who were diagnosed with RAD – Reactive Attachment Disorder. Our oldest has been displaying increasingly defiant behaviors, and as she works to become stronger in her ability to utilize her “survivor strengths,” I have felt as if I am becoming decreasing unable to parent her successfully. I have been tired and overwhelmed. I have been sad and felt alienated. I have worked hard and given much yet felt as if things were only getting worse.
I signed up for a lifelong commitment to my child. She is mine, born to be mine, loved with every fiber in me and I was not giving up!
I looked to traditional therapy, Attachment therapy, different parenting models, books and blogs. Along the way we made changes in all areas of our lives. Each time we hoped that this would be the answer, that we would see progress- less lying and manipulation and more connection and affection.
It has been a long road and I am so grateful to have the support of friends and family and my Fiesta team. I have always believed in building a village to help you raise your children. I think it is important to gather people in your circle who will hold you up when you are feeling down, speak in truth when you need to hear it and love you no matter what. That is exactly what I have found.
Now for the first time in a long time I feel like I am getting the help I need with my child. Traci Tippett is currently working with my kiddo and there has been a dramatic change – let me clarify that. I feel less stress, more confidence and totally supported. My child continues to have behaviors and we continue to work through them but my heart is light and I am excited to move to the next level of living life!
This morning Traci attended a meeting with me at my child’s school. It was at 745 and scheduled with little notice. She made herself available to help explain the things we our family is dealing with and the need for school support. She helped me be successful in dealing with the school – while respecting me and my position as the parent. I was not alone – trying to explain why my ever so sweet child needed a behavioral intervention plan. There was only one of 6 teachers present for various reasons but that was not a barrier because Traci said we will go back as many times as we need to – to see all of the teachers!
I am so grateful for this program and for the support of those involved with Fiesta and am so excited to share things I am learning.

Name withheld due to confidentiality...

Awkward Conversations...

Spin, Wiggle and Bounce

Once when my husband and I were waiting in a long, boring line at Walmart, we decided to do a survey. We asked everyone around us if, when they put on their socks, they made sure that the seam was perfectly straight. 76% of respondents reported that they would go crazy if the seam wasn’t straight. OK, maybe I don’t actually remember the exact statistics, but we did find out that most people are picky about how their socks feel. (And what better way to spend twenty minutes in line?) Most of us realize that tactile defensiveness is a sensory issue.

We all learned about the five senses in first grade. But maybe you’ve never heard of sensory integration or know how it may affect your child. Here are some things you’ll learn in the workshop, “Spin, Wiggle, Bounce”… if your child gets in trouble at school for overreacting every time a classmate bumps him in line, he might benefit from more proprioceptive activities. If your child seems clumsy at times, and a little “quirky” when it comes to physical challenges, she might need more vestibular stimulation in her daily routine. Does your child freak out by the feel of the tag on his shirt? cover her ears or eyes? refuse to eat certain foods for no apparent reason, or hate messy hands? Some of our children’s behavior can be misinterpreted as defiance or pickiness, when, in fact, his or her brain is not correctly interpreting the input that is coming through their senses. This is not an issue that only affects little kids, but mid-schoolers and teens, as well. It’s another one of those neurological hiccups that can happen when a child has experienced trauma. Do we guarantee that by attending this class, you will have a perfectly balanced, well-adjusted, angelic child? Well, let’s say that if that doesn’t happen, you can get your money back. (Getit? Money back? Free class? Hehe) Seriously, though, this information is presented in a fun way by a true-to-life professional and may be a key to understanding your child better. That I can guarantee. Judy Deinema, OT, will be offering this class in the East Mountains on November 6^th and in other areas in the near future. Hope you can join us! Call me at 1-888-298-7562 to rsvp.

"So glad to see new families 'pre-placement' I know the knowledge we have gained sure has helped us tremendously. I cannot imagine facing the unique challenges our special kiddos present without being at least somewhat aware of the unique ways they see the world." Scott Gray, commenting on Face Book about a recent Fiesta group meeting.

Ten Questions for Parents....

We are often asked what questions parents should consider as they make decisions and prepare to adopt or foster. Below is a list of ten questions that we believe will help parents better assess the journey that lies ahead. You can also download and print a pdf version of these questions.

Ten Questions for Parents Preparing to Adopt or Foster

We believe it is critically important that parents who are preparing to adopt or foster a child must be honest and realistic about the journey and the challenges that lie ahead. The following questions are designed to help parents (and parents-to-be) begin to honestly assess the journey ahead…and what it will require. We encourage you to thoughtfully consider these questions. They are not meant to scare you or in any way discourage you from continuing on this amazing path. Instead, our desire is simply that these questions will point you toward the hope and help that you need to form a strong and lasting connection with your child.

1. Are you willing to acknowledge and fully embrace your child’s history, including that which you know and that which you will likely never know?
2. Are you willing to accept that your child has been affected by his/her history, possibly in profound ways, and as a result that you will need to parent your child in a way that exhibits true compassion and promotes connection and healing?
3. Are you willing to parent differently than how you were parented, how you have parented in the past, or how your friends parent their children? Are you willing to “un-learn” certain parenting strategies and approaches that may not be effective with your child, even if you have used these strategies and approaches successfully with your other children in the past?
4. Are you willing to educate yourself, your parents, family and friends on an ongoing basis in order to promote understanding of your child’s needs and how best to meet those needs?
5. Are you willing to be misunderstood, criticized and even judged by others who do not understand your child’s history, the impacts of that history and how you have been called to love and connect with your child in order to help him/her heal?
6. Are you prepared to advocate for your child’s needs, including at school, church, in extracurricular settings and otherwise, in order to create predictability and promote environments that enable your child to feel safe and allow him/her to succeed?
7. Are you willing to sacrifice your own convenience, expectations and desires in order to connect with your child and help him/her heal, even if that process is measured in years, not months?
8. Are you willing to fully embrace your child’s holistic needs, including his/her physical, emotional, relational and spiritual needs?
9. Are you willing to seek ongoing support and maintain long-term connections with others who understand your journey and the challenges that you face? Are you willing to intentionally seek and accept help when you encounter challenges with your child that you are not equipped to adequately deal with?
10. Are you willing to acknowledge that you as a parent bring a great deal to the equation when it comes to how your child will attach and connect? Are you willing to honestly examine (on an ongoing basis) your motivations and expectations relating to your adoption journey? Are you willing to look at your own past (including your past losses and trauma, both big and small) and consider how your past may impact your interactions with your child? Are you willing to consistently examine your role as parent as you experience challenges and difficulties along the journey?
As you read through the above questions, you may have concluded that some of the questions didn’t apply to you and your situation? That may be the case to some extent, as every adoption and foster care experience is unique. However, we encourage you to spend some time reading and talking with other experienced adoptive and foster parents about what you should realistically expect as you travel this journey. We find that parents sometimes start with less than accurate assumptions about how the adoption or foster care journey will unfold, and as a result they are more likely to form unrealistic expectations. We believe that these questions are helpful and instructive for all parents considering or pursuing adoption and foster care, and we hope that as you work through them they will lead you toward greater insight and understanding.

BINGO & CHILI in Grants, This Saturday (10/09/10)

This Saturday, 10/09/10 in Grants @ Sierra Vista Counseling Facility
5-7:30, CHILI & BINGO!

FIESTA will provide the Chili & all the Fixins, Sodas, & Water!
Please bring a dessert to share.

Please call Carol or Monica (505-235-7261) to RSVP.

Prizes for BINGO Winners and the kids!

ADHD & Supplements

Check out this article from Psychiatric News:
www.lipidworld.com/content/9/1/105

Kids that have been through repeated trauma usually have bodies that are dupleted of vital nutrients.

CELEBRATION OF CULTURES!

Family Activity in Gallup, NM - Region I

Saturday, October 9, 2010 - 5-7 p.m.

Indian Hills Elementary School

Please bring an ethnic dish from one or more cultures

that your family represents along with a copy of the recipe(s).

Please feel free to wear any cultural clothing if you have any.

Plates, plastic ware and drinks will be provided.

Come join the fun of Celebrating Cultures!

Please RSVP to Sheila @ 888-298-6681

by Thursday, October 7th

Got Respite?

I haven’t posted in a long time. I’m sure many of you have been checking in anxious anticipation, waiting to read what I have to say, wondering where I am. Alas! It has been a crazy few weeks. My daughter, Megan, 20, decided that she would spend a year in Seattle. This she decided, knowing full well that it would inconvenience me and cause further stress in my life. (What’s a mother to do!) She has been the best big sister in the world, as the sales people at the Dollar Tree and cheap movie theater can vouch. What nerve to leave me and pursue her own interests! Seriously, we couldn’t be prouder about the decisions she has made. I’m counting the days til she returns.

Turns out though, the schedule was less than ideal. In order to get Megan settled in on her timeline, I had to leave my week in Seattle, fly into Albuquerque, and then leave again the next morning for Orlando. “Why?” you ask….which leads me to the purpose of the story. I spent three days in Florida learning about respite programs - how to develop an idea, how to start it going, and how to get funding (a challenge). Jason DeHerrerra, CYFD subsidy guru, accompanied me. We learned that respite is one of the first things adoptive parents list as a need. We heard stories from across the country from people who have camp programs, co-ops, respite voucher programs, and intensive crisis interventions. We have come up with some ideas, but we need to hear from you. Do you have any opinions about what would be of help to your family? How often are you able to get break? Do you have someone reliable with whom you can leave your children and relax? What challenges have you faced in this area? The more input we get, the better. Either leave me a comment or give me a call. I’d love to hear your ideas.

Carol 1-888-298-7562

Insights & Gifts: Introduction from Tapestry on Vimeo.

Region 1 Farmington area

It's September!!!!

Which means many of our children have gone back to school.

This can also mean new challenges with homework, classroom work and socialization.

In Farmington, we will be meeting on Saturday, September 18th from 2 to 4 at the

Sycamore Community Center

We will be working on Lifebook Scrapbooking and discussing strategies to improve ATTENTION, CONCENTRATION and SELF-CONTROL in children.

Then on Saturday, September 25th we will be having a BACK TO SCHOOL celebration

also at Sycamore Community Center

This is a Potluck/Recipe Exchange

So bring a family's favorite and the recipe along with you and lets have fun!

BRING ALONG THE WHOLE FAMILY

Beverages will be supplied

There will be door prizes so bring along your luck as well!!!

"Building Bridges to Biological Relatives & Interracial Parenting"

Region I - Gallup - Training by Donna Payne

Training includes a panel of adult adoptees who will share their adoption experiences with us.

September 25, 2010

Indian Hills Elementary School

2-5 p.m.

FREE CHILD CARE - DOOR PRIZES

Please RSVP by Saturday, Sept. 18th to Sheila @ 888-298-6681

(3 hours of training credit offered)

Children from Hard Places from Tapestry on Vimeo.

and speaking of school issues

as an addendum issue to school:

For years we struggled and struggled to drag one of our children through school and homework. And eventually we listened as our esteemed fellow adoptive parents told us to let go, let the child succeed or fail on their own. Make them responsible for and therefore answerable to their own actions at school. It was liberating! It was wonderful! We no longer fought 5 nights out of 7 as the child cried that she would't, couldn't, and WON'T do her homework. Life was good. AND the school participated in a program called Edline, where we could check and SEE that she was doing some of the school work..and was getting A's on a good majority of work..but there were plenty of instances of getting D's and F's and plenty of instances of just plain not turning stuff in.

We nearly giggled in anticipation of school coming down on her hard...of her repeating the 6th grade (the ultimate in natural causes)...come end of the school year...straight A's and B's...what the heck? How could this be? How do you not do all of your assignments, and get enough D's and F's and still get A's and B's?..

There is where that sympathy thing for our kids go too far. Don't get me wrong..in so many instances and ways our children do deserve sympathy, usually they have led really horrible lives, after all, if they hadn't, they wouldn't be our kids right?...but does sympathy go too far when our children are passed through instead of being held accountable?

Back to School

Have you had anything like this happen? Last year I got a call from a school social worker because apparently, I had been depriving my child of food as a discipline. Yep. My sweetie went to school and told her teacher that she wasn’t allowed to eat lunch that day because she hadn’t done the dishes the night before. Well, that was kind of, a little bit, maybe a teeny amount, based on an actual story. What had happened was that, because my sweetie had refused to help clean up after dinner, we said that instead of buying school lunch (which said sweet-one enjoys), she/he would have to take a "peanut butter and nothing sandwich" and an apple. Somehow that lunch never made it to school, but the story did.

Then there was the year when my darling went to school on a Monday. When the teacher asked about her weekend, my darling said, “Well, my dad was in jail and my mom wanted to watch tv, so I spent the weekend taking care of the kids.” Ok, no truth in that one at all, just for the record.

What’s a mother to do? In both of my situations, I was spared incarceration because I had a good relationship with the teacher and they asked me before calling the authorities. But sometimes that’s not so easy to do, especially in the higher grades or in situations where the child is endearing and convincing. So here’s my dilemma- should I tell the teacher up front that my child has issues and tells lies? Won’t that prejudice the teacher against my sweet one from the start, labeling him/her as a “bad kid”? And how much should I tell about personal stories and RAD problems? Am I violating my child’s trust? I remember one IEP where I went to great lengths to print out information about attachment and my child’s particular issues, along with suggested strategies, only to have the entire team completely ignore it. Then what?

Any ideas?

Adoption Enrichment Group in Gallup

We will watch & discuss "The Blind Side" DVD from 2-5 p.m. on Sat. Aug. 28th @ Indian Hills Elementary School. FREE child care - they will watch a different dvd, play and have snacks. Please RSVP to Sheila @ 1-888-298-6681

Back to School Ice Cream Social

I Scream, You Scream, We all Scream for Ice Cream! You won't want to miss our Back to School Ice Cream Social in Gallup at the Playground of Dreams on Sat. Aug. 21st from 2-4 p.m. Please RSVP to Sheila @ 888-298-6681

Stealing and Lying

These two behaviors can be tricky to navigate. Confrontation often causes the issue to become worse and ignoring doesn't accomplish change. What's a parent to do? One of the best strategies in my arsenal to use with a child caught in a lie is to say, "I don't believe you." Many parents in the ABQ group have had success with this little comment. The results are very different than saying, "You're lying." Want to learn more? Please join us for an informative class on August 21st at the La Familia offices in ABQ, from 9 am- 11. Call Sue to sign up and register your kids for free child care.

A Good Website for Those With Disabilites

Think About It...

As we accept our children, we free them to be who they are in a world that is trying to tell them every day to be someone else.

Tim Hansel

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Sir Isaac Newton

Visit DisabilityisNatural.com

New Book Club Book

Next week we will be starting the book, "Attaching in Adoption," by Deborah Gray. Call Carol to find out how to participate. 1-888-298-7562

Check The Calendars Before the Summer is Gone!

This time of year we start to think about all of the summer plans that probably won't get done, and try to squeeze in a few before it's too late. (Or as one of our friends, Penny, said, "This is the part of the summer when I decide that I'm a fan of year-round school." ) This last week I decided that I really did have to clean out the closets, organize the last remaining weekends, and plan one last trip.

Make sure to remember Fiesta events in your end-of-summer scheduling. I don't know about you, but I get that burned-out feeling about now. Too much free time or fun time can be hard on a family. Take the opportunity to get re-charged by being with other adoptive families, whether in deep conversation, an informative workshop, or a relaxing time at the lake. Regions 3 and 5 are both having movie nights next week, and during the first weeks of August, several parent chat groups and classes will be meeting across the state. Bring your fishing poles to the lake on August 14 for a region 4 activity, or run up to Gallup for ice cream on the 21st. If you're in the East Mountains, watch for events starting in your area, beginning with a pool party on August 22. Click the orange web address under the Twitter information to the left to navigate to our website to see all of the details for your area. And if you have an idea, or want more information on your particular region, give a call to any family contact...we'd love to talk to you!

The Legend of the Starfish

I decided to post this story, as our family contacts sometimes refer to it. It has a special place in our hearts. Last December, Wendy passed out some little starfish ornaments along with this story, which has become a kind of motto for us, "It matters to this one." Donna hung hers on her van mirror and , copy-cat that I am, I decided to put mine in my van as well. Over the summer, though, my starfish has lost a couple of extremities and has started to look a little tacky. Not wanting to be "un-cool" I reached up yesterday to take him down...when it hit me- this little guy was perfect for me! He may have a couple of limbs gone and be pretty beat-up, but it still matters to this one. He might not be pretty but he's MY starfish.

Carol

A vacationing businessman was walking along a beach when he saw a young boy.
Along the shore were many starfish that had been washed up by the tide and were sure to die before the tide returned.
The boy walked slowly along the shore and occasionally reached down and tossed the beached starfish back into the ocean.
The businessman, hoping to teach the boy a little lesson in common sense, walked up to the boy and said, "I have been watching what you are doing, son.
You have a good heart, and I know you mean well, but do you realize how many beaches there are around here and how many starfish are dying on every beach every day. Surely such an industrious and kind hearted boy such as yourself could find something better to do with your time.
Do you really think that what you are doing is going to make a difference?"
The boy looked up at the man, and then he looked down at a starfish by his feet. He picked up the starfish, and as he gently tossed it back into the ocean, he said, "It makes a difference to that one”. -Author Unknown

Surprise!!

As strange as it sounds, adoption can be a surprise. Some of us have come into the world of adoption by “accident”, maybe as a whim, an impulse, a family crisis, or a change in situation. A nephew needs a home. A foster child stays just a day too long and becomes “mine.” You notice that endearing newspaper picture and say, “Why not?”
Even if your adoption was one of planning and agonizingly slow, there are surprises. I know a family who spend time and money adopting a child from far away- a "perfect, healthy baby". A few months after he moved into his new family, he had a stroke, causing severe brain damage, and their lives have changed. Our friend, John Chimarusti talks about the fact that we can experience several different emotions at the same time- joy over a new child and pain over the things they have suffered, pride over our child's accomplishments and grief because they are not the ones we expected. We have dreams and ideas about where our lives are going and then we realize that this child of ours needs to be homeschooled or can’t tolerate crowds or makes embarrassing scenes every time we go out in public. Life has changed. You look in the mirror and say, “How in the world did I get here?" It can be hard to adjust. What have your surprises been and how have you handled them?

The power of 'Keeping Going'

This past weekend, 7 adoptive families met in beautiful Taos for a weekend of camping and a river rafting trip. We all had an amazing time of camping, rafting, sitting around the campfire roasting smores and getting to know one another better.

As a 'Family Contact' with the FEISTA Project, I am able to meet many families and hear their stories. Every familiy has one. Each one is unique and all include an element of loss. Some more than others.

Sunday morning, three of us sat around sharing on a deep personal level. One family shared the pain of loosing a husband/father. As a family, they experienced the pain and power of helping their loved-one pass away with respect and surrounded by love.

The mother also shared all the ups and downs that so many of us have and can experience when we graft wounded children into our hearts and lives. We talked about always remembering how far are children have come and what miracles they are.

At the end of the day, we were saying are good-byes. The one particular mother looked at me and said, "I'm always amazed at what a difference it makes just by Keeping-Going".

Through all our ups and downs, losses and gains, broken dreams and new gains, by us 'Keeping-Going' and not giving up, there is a power ful, non-negotiable message we give to those we love... 'YOU ARE WORTH IT!'

Silver City & Las Cruces picnics

FIESTA Family Picnics !!!

FRIDAY, June 18th @ 'PENNY PARK', Silver City, 6-8:30 pm

www.pennypark.org/find_penny_park.html

SATURDAY, June 19th @ 'PERCHA DAM STATE PARK', 11a-2 pm

www.emnrd.state.nm.us?PRD?Percha.html

(Bring your poles, swimsuits, and fishing liscenses)

FIESTA will provide:

Hamburgers, Hotdogs, the condiments, Water/Sodas, & Paper Products~

Please Bring:

A Side-dish or Dessert to Share, Lawn Chairs, & Sunscreen!

REQUESTING RSVPs: Monica Cohu, 505-235-7261

monica.cohu@la-familia-inc.org

"I GOT YOUR BACK!:"

The other day I was at the grocery store, with my 4 children. A little girl (around 5 or 6 yrs old) walked up to my 4-year-old daughter and told her that she was 'Stupid' and 'Ugly'. We did not know this girl. My daughter became very quiet.

Immediately, her siblings sprang into action like mini-Super-Heros (in each of their individual ways)! Our 12 year old, who is very cerebral and articulate in his views, picked his 4-year-old sister up and walked over to the mother. He then clearly and unapologetically said, "It's Ok, that blond little girl, standing next to the lotto machine, is very incorrect! You are not 'stupid' or 'ugly'. You are beautiful!"

Next, was our 3-year-old daughter, who is a spit-fire. She was sitting in the grocery cart. She began shaking her finger at the 'unrepentive' blond-girl, "You leave my sis-tur alone".

Then came our athletic 8-year-old son. His chest puffed up, fist clenched, eyes and head going side-to-side, trying to keep him self calm.

The situation was quickly resolved. We experienced a funny drive home pretending to be a bear, a lion, and a tiger; growling at 'UnKind' people. The kids laughed heatedly at one another's different ways they coverd their 4-year-old sister's back.

What a powerful message the kids created that day. "I got your back", has been rolling over and over in my mind ever since that day.

As parents of 'sometimes' difficult kiddos, we spend soo much time in disciplining and trying to get our kids to 'Get It', that we miss a very simple and powerful message.

"I Got Your Back" - Translated: You are Worth Immense Value. I will lay down my rights for you. I love you with all of my heart, mind, and physical being! You CAN count of me!

It is love in action! It is safety put into ways that we all can grasp.

I really want to hear ways all of you create this in your children's lives.

Keeper of Memories

I decided a few months ago to spend some time writing down memories for one of my adopted daughters. I was preparing to go on a trip and getting everything in order, when I had a thought. If anything happened to me, all of my memories would be inaccessible to my daughter. She’s a curious girl of eight, a question-asker. And I enjoy answering her inquiries about what happened when she was a baby and how her first mom loved her and how I felt when I met her. But there is a lot I leave out- things that need to be saved until she’s older. Adult things. Things that my husband will forget- has forgotten already. Things that will be explained by her bio-family perhaps, one day, that may be tainted by their own memories, defenses and interpretations of events. And although that’s okay, I also want her to hear my memories as well. The way she looked the first time I met her, her little ways of sweetness, and yes, the adult things too. The things that she has a right to know about one day. The “Why’s.” So I wrote it all down to be kept in the safe with the other important papers. So that if “anything happens to me,” and she comes to a point of investigation in her life, she can read my words and hear my heart and understand how much I love her.

Free Bowling!!!

Kids under 15 can bowl free this summer- 2 games a day at various places throughout the country. Go to kidsbowlfree.com and check it out.

Have you ever "lost it" with your child?

This morning, my five-year-old got angry because he couldn't find his pants, so he grabbed handfuls of clothes out of his cupboard and tossed them around his room- again (clothes that I had washed, dried and folded- this is all about me). I'd like to say that I reacted by not reacting, but I can't. I had a fit to match his- again. I love what Evonne shared on her Book Club post about these situations- the times that we "blow it" as parents, feel overwhelmed with guilt, but also want our child to learn the right lessons....

"When we behave badly as parents it is still important to keep the issue focused so that while we are sincerely and without excuse, seeking forgiveness for our own inappropriate behavior we are also standing firm concerning our child's disobedience or disrespect. Otherwise the message the child remembers is not that even adults must apologize and that she is still responsible for her wrongful behavior, but rather, "Mom really lost it and I must have been right all along". This can be very tricky because we do not want to excuse ourselves. Our apology must be clean without any sense that we are saying that our child "caused' it. She did not. If a child gets the idea that she can divert attention away from her behavior by inciting a parent to lose control and thereby take responsibility for the whole "Big Deal" then the lessons are lost. A parent's apology does not dilute or absolve a child from the consequences of her disobedience or disrespect. The parental temptation is to wipe everyone's slate clean and start over another day usually with the grief of our behavior coloring many of our parenting decisions for days. Meanwhile our child skips merrily along with the wrong lessons learned or she sulks and is strengthened in a wrong understanding of life." Evonne Harden.

Thanks, Evonne- I needed that. To read more, visit our book club on Face Book groups- NM Fiesta Book Club.

Carol

Mapquest This!!

Directions to Book Club!!

Look at your Face Book page. Focus your little eyes to the left of the screen just below your adorable profile pic. There are a list of options, the last of which is "Groups". It's just under "Games." (Hey! I didn't know there were Games here!) Click "Groups," if you're already a member, and NM Fiesta Book Club will appear with a new picture of a beach scene. Click. Right under the words "NM Fiesta Book Club" there will be a line of blue boxes. Click, "discussions." You can choose between three topics, "Twenty Things," and "More Than a Mom" are book discussions. If you'd like to join in, post at the bottom, after scrolling, reading, scrolling, reading, until it says, "reply". If you are not already a member, type "NM Fiesta Book Club" in the "search" box at the top of your home page. It will open to the same awesome ocean scene (my family :) Click "join group" and follow the directions above...click "discussions" and proceed.

EAST MOUNTAIN TRAUMA TRAINING

Sunday, May 16, 2010

1 to 6 pm @ 'The Moriarty Civic Center'

"INTENTIONAL RE-PARENTING"
-NEUROBIOLOGY OF TRAUMA
- DISCIPLINE VS. PUNISHMENT
- USING THE 5 SENSES TO HEAL
-COMING ALONGSIDE ANGER
-AVOIDING POWERSTRUGGLES
-THE HEALING POWER OF PLAY AND IMANGINATION
-WHAT TO DO WITH LYING
-& MUCH MORE!!!

Lunch, CHILD CARE, & Training Hrs Provided

Please Call Monica @ 505-235-7261 to reserve your spot!!!

Happy Mother's Day

As an adoptive mom, Mother’s Day has an underlying layer of meaning. It brings to mind the women who carry a baby for nine months, suffering morning sickness, feeling that first little flutter of movement, gaining an amazing amount of weight while losing an amazing amount of energy, going into the pain of labor, and giving birth to a precious little miracle…. and then, for one reason or another, needs to sacrifice the title of “mom” and give it to another.

Among the crowd of people in my home on Sunday, the hugs and homemade gifts, I received two phone calls from two extraordinary women. My friend, J, is in her 50’s, a widow. Over thirty years ago, she became pregnant and decided to place her baby girl with an adoptive family. Her story is similar to so many during that time, overshadowed with shame and punctuated with callousness from those around her. She has worked through that grief and although she has not been able to have contact with the daughter she loves, and has no other children, she has peace. It has been a blessing to my children to have her in their lives as part of our put-together family of “aunts and uncles.” The little ones in my family, all adopted, are as priceless to her as she is to them. We can wish each other “Happy Mother’s Day” with great understanding. What an honor!

My other special phone call has come every year. Mama Jenna, who gave birth to two of my children, called to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day and tell me how much she appreciates me. I can think of no more gracious act. On this day, her name on the caller ID alone brings me to tears. Oh, how she loves her babies! I’m am so deeply humbled by this selfless gift, that I strive to parent these two little ones as not only “my children” but hers as well. It is a privilege that I take seriously and I will do well if I live up to half of what she imagines me to be.

To these two precious sisters of mine- I am honored to know you, I am moved by your pain, I am humbled by your love and I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day.

DEMING & LAS CRUCES

LIFE BOOK Training w/ Kristi Cullers

"When pieces of their lives are missing"

This Friday in Deming, May 7th @ the Literacy Center

(6 t0 9 pm)

This Saturday in Las Cruces, May 8th @ The SW Sports & Spine Center

(12 to 3 pm)

Child Care & Lunch Providede!

Pls call Monica @ 505-235-7261, Reservations are Recommended

Book Club News

Starting next week, we'll take a couple of months to go through the book, “More Than a Mom: Living a Full And Balanced Life When Your Child Has Special Needs”. I don’t know about you, but on my good days, I feel overwhelmed with hugging. My gang of little girls is very “huggie, cuddly” and although it is sweet and most of the time I love it, by the middle of the afternoon, some days, I need a mini-respite time all by myself to recharge. It’s a dream of mine to make it through an entire potty break without someone at the door needing me, needing me. Then there are the other days. The days when the chess game starts the minute I get up (or before) and I have to be quick-witted to think two steps ahead in the manipulation game- constantly looking for deeper meanings, hidden motivations, strategies to change behavior or promote healing (more hugging). And the days go by one after another until, without realizing it, I start to lose a part of myself. I’ve busied myself into a crazy, stressful routine, and look in the mirror one day and say, “How in the world did I get here?” or “Where did I go?” So I don’t have time to read a book about balancing my life….could that be a problem?

I would love to have you participate in our online book club. Reading the book is optional. Topics in the books are springboards for discussions. Have you visited (Face Book group, NM Fiesta Book Club) to read the incredible insights that Evonne and Zandree have posted? If not, you are missing out. These two moms have let us into their worlds of adoption with honesty and compassion- I love them! What a privilege to get to know them! It’s become an online support group where we can share our struggles and successes. Make a cup of coffee, log on any time, and take a little break to share with other adoptive parents. Hopefully, you’ll have five or ten minutes to relax before someone needs you again.

Carol

Oh- I still have a couple of books to give away!

SATURDAY, MAY 1st in GRANTS, NM

"INTENTIONAL RE-PARENTING"

9 to 2 pm @ St. Teresa of Avila Catholic School, cafeteria,

GRANTS, NM

- Neurobiology of Trauma

- Creating an Emotional Vocabulary

- Avoiding Power Struggles

- Coming alongside Anger (instead of getting in the way)

- Discipline vs Punishment

- What to do with Lying and Stealing

- & Much More!

Lunch and Child care Provided, along with 5 Training Hours

Call or email Monica with Questions or RSVPs!

404-235-7261

TRACI TIPPETT Attachment Training

THIS SATURDAY!!!

April 24, 2010 @ La Familia,

9 to 1

Child Care & Snacks provided.

Reservations are Strongly Suggested!

Please call a Family Contact to reserve your spot!

Gayle Foster & Sue Nachor: 1-877-380-3597,

Donna Payne: 1-877-696-2502, or Monica Cohu: 1-877-380-3595

Free Books!!!

I want to buy you the book, Attaching in Adoption, by Deborah Gray. It's a great beginner book for you to read or pass on to someone new. It's also the NM Fiesta Book Club selection for July/ August. This is a treasure hunt. I'll order books for the first three people to navigate to Face Book, go to "groups", find NM Fiesta Book Club, join or sign in and leave me a comment under the new discussion topic about our list of the next four books. I know, I know, it's a shameless way to get you to do what I want...join us! I'd love to have more people visit and participate in discussions about the things we most enjoy talking about- ourselves and our kids!

These videos are very worth watching...

http://www.child.tcu.edu/video.asp

Please take some time to review and ask everyone you know who is touched by adoption to do the same. Invaluable...

Spring is here, what to do....?

How about joining us for a Love and Logic DVD presentation in Raton, NM? We are going to get together on April 22nd at the CYFD offices for some Dinner and some great conversation, and some very helpful information too!

Also on tap....

Family Fishing Day!!! April 24th Pecos, NM with Ti Piper
here is a brief summary of events for that day:
For a Family Fishing Clinic, I will bring new line and we can show you how you can put new line on your reels. I will have push button reels for all to use, as well as rods, hooks, sinkers, bait, bobbers and so on. We can make Pistol Petes (a fly lure) which can be used right then and there. I will have open face spinning rods/reels, and fly fishing gear for everyone to try and or use. We will start at the Lisboa Springs Hatchery, which is just up the road from Monastery Lake. There is a self guided tour of the hatchery (this is where we raise rainbow trout), and real bathrooms. Then off to the lake for fishing and a picnic. I will have garbage bags; we can do a shoreline litter pickup as a service learning project. The families with good 'walking' legs can walk around the lake, it only takes 30 minutes and there are good fishing spots away from the parking area. Those 12 and older need a fishing license to fish at Monastery Lake. Licenses are available at our NM Dept Game & Fish offices, or online, or at any sporting goods store. All Wal-Marts sell fishing licenses. You need the last four digits of your social security number to buy a resident fishing license in New Mexico. PLEASE RSVP NO LATER THAN WEDNESDAY APRIL 21ST, 2010 TO TIM MARTINEZ 505.470.6941 OR
tim.martinez@la-familia-inc.org

LIFE BOOK TRAINING

"When the Pieces of their life are missing"

with Kristi Cullers

THIS FRIDAY, APRIL 16TH

6 TO 9 pm @ La Familia

child care & dinner provided.

Pls Call to RSVP, 235-7261

Connecting, Empowering, Correcting...

I was able to attend a training with Dr. Karen Purvis of TCU today. In a word, AMAZING. I highly recommend you read her book, The Connected Child and visit the website www.child.tcu.edu and www.empoweredtoconnect.org Here are a few highlights...

Think about how much time you spend correcting your child's behaviors...the average is 85%... Dr. Purvis suggested that the three parental responsibilities are Connecting with our child, Empowering our children with words and choices and Correcting and teaching behaviors. Studies have shown that most parents spend the majority of the time correcting and the least amount of time connecting with their child. She was clear this isn't about getting stepped on or run over by our kids, it is ALL about meeting them where they are and showing them that they are WORTH being in relationship with. Dr. Purvis also reminded us to parent to our child's developmental age instead of focusing on their chronological age.

She talked a lot about nutrition and meeting basic needs. Dr. Purvis said "our" kids need to be given a nutritious snack every two hours and kept hydrated. She believes that kids with an abuse and neglect history are very commonly chronically dehydrated. She suggested that we look into a property in green tea called theanine ( http://www.ehow.com/how_4747605_whether-green-tea-relieves-stress.html )as a stress reducer for our kids and increasing our use of cinnamon as a blood sugar leveler for kids with mood swings. We discussed the enormous value of Omega 3s and 6s...especially flax and chia seeds! I've recently been adding these to my family's diet so I was thrilled!

We discussed parenting styles ranging from Neglectful to Permissive to Authoritative to Authoritarian. Most of our kids come out of Neglectful Parenting backgrounds and studies show that many adoptive and foster parents fall in the Authoritarian realm. Dr. Purvis discussed the need to move toward an Authoritative persuasion which is high in structure but also really high in warmth and nurturing. She shared a quote from Abraham Lincoln, "Force is all conquering but its victories are shortlived". We know our kids need structure but in order to have attachment, you have to add the nurturing and warmth...As I've heard someone say in the past, "Who would want to attach to a crabby ol bitty?" She reminded us to ALWAYS focus on downloading our kids with authentic praise and treat our kids with respect even in their worst behaviors.

Dr. Purvis talked about things that they do at TCU to serve "kids from hard places" and one of the coolest things in my mind was that they created what they call a "crash and bump" room. It is a safe place for kids to get their sensory needs met. She suggested that our kids need and actually crave access to things that meet their sensory needs because they often didn't get those needs met in infancy and toddlerhood. She suggested the room should contain things like..a sit and spin, a pool of dry kidney beans, a tub of rice, mats for tumbling, hoola hoops and a barrel for rolling.

She ended by sharing what she believes are the four most important things for adoptive parents to know and understand....
1. Attachment
2. Sensory Needs and Issues
3. Brain Development
4. Neurochemistry of Fear

It is my hope that FIESTA will be bringing trainings focused on these four topics to each area of New Mexico in the next year. There is hope, there is healing..we can get there...

Free Webinar...Really Good Stuff....

Free webinar with Dr. Karen Purvis.....AWESOME!


http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/coursefiles/WEBINARS/20100325/player.html

An Invitation to Families Who Ride Bikes

We just got word from The Adoption Exchange that they have opened up some free spots for a great weekend event. Anyone with adopted or foster kids in the family can bring the whole gang to a bike race at the Sandia Motor Speedway this Saturday, April 10th. There will be games, prizes, clowns, bouncers (yeah, I know, the ones kids jump in, not the kind that kick you out when you start a fight) and great fun for everyone. Call or email me for more info. 1-888-298-7562

Spring in New Mexico

Here's a quick look at the great events FIESTA has planned for the next few months...

Spring in Albuquerque!

Love Obama?

Okay, that was a shameless title to get you to read this post. I've noticed on my Facebook page that any time Obama is mentioned, there are an immediate slew of comments. So whether you love him or not, his recently signed Health Care Reform Bill has something in it that relates to adoptive families. This information is hot-off-the-presses-brand-new and you may not hear it anywhere else. So read on.

Public Law 111-148, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, was signed into law on March 23, 2010. Section 10909 of the Act Extended the adoption tax credit for one more year (to December 31, 2011) and expanded the program in two ways:

a. For tax year 2010, the amount of the credit was increased from $12,170 to $13,170.

b. The credit was made refundable for all types of adoption for tax years 2010 and 2011. Because the adoption tax credit will be refundable, families who have smaller tax liability will now be able to benefit from the credit for adoptions finalized in 2010 and 2011.

The IRS has not yet released any guidance on the change.

To learn more about taxes and adoption (excluding these newest updates) visit  http://www.nacac.org/postadopt/taxcredit.html

Census

What do you think about the questions on the census? Did the adoption questions take you by surprise? Were you offended? Invaded? Validated? What is the deal with those questions?

INTENTIONAL RE-PARENTING (Alamogordo)

FRIDAY, MARCH 26TH
5:30-9:30

Holiday Inn Express
100 Kerry Ave.
Alamogordo, NM

Dinner & Child Care provided

Contact Monica Cohu if interested...
1-877-380-3595

AFRICAN DANCE CLASS

$12/ea drop-inno registration/RSVP necessary6+ LIVE DRUMMERS = pure energy?
Lead by: Romy Keagen, owner of Maple Street Dance Space
Moms & Dads, you are invited to a MNO/DNO @ Maple Street Dance Space, 111 Maple St SE (Central & Maple intersection, next to Knadjian's) http://www.maplestreetdancespace.com/classDesc.php? Friday Wednesday 3/24 starts5:30pm BEGINNINGAFRICAN DANCE CLASS

A Fun Website to Develop Emotional Vocabulary

According to Tracy Tippett (The Dance of Attachment) and Monica Cohu (Intentional Reparenting), it’s important to teach adopted kids, especially those who struggle with attachment, to recognize emotions. They may say, “I’m angry,” for example, when they are sad. They need practice and activities geared toward identifying what is going on in themselves and others. Monica suggests using non-traditional adjectives to name a feeling, asking the child, “What color is happy?” or "What does frustrated sound like?". Photographs, mobiles, magazine collages, and movie clips are all tools that can help you teach your child not only the obvious emotion, but also the underlying cause. “That boy is sad. He is crying because his dog ran away.” It’s important that we don’t assume that our child has picked this foundational skill up on her own, but spend time making sure that she is gaining the vocabulary and understanding of herself and also pick up on cues from others.

Recently, I found this great website, makebeliefscomix.com. It’s a fun activity, and although the purpose is not in teaching emotion, I decided to try it out with my kids. You choose a comic character (from twenty choices of people or animals) and then an emotion to go with it. You then add props and other characters, fill words into the bubbles and make a comic strip. Then you can email it or print it out. My son who is developmentally around four had trouble naming the emotions, so I used the opportunity to help him figure that out. My daughter who is about six developmentally had more of a challenge with the dialogue. All of my kids enjoyed making their own comic strip and I decided that it is another tool to use in my arsenal of helping tune in to emotions. Check it out.

LONG DISTANCE GRANDPARENTING IDEAS...

My folks are 13 hrs away. They aren't able to come out for kids b-days, holidays, special occasions, etc... But, this Spring we will be seeing them on vacation. My mom came up w/ a great idea....
AN EVERYTHING PARTY!!!

She and my dad are getting one cake for all the kids, w/ their names on it; even our kiddo that we're caring for, who is a ward of the state (we're foster parents too). Then they'll have a little party.

Their very good at recognizing all the kids on their special days & events. BUT WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!!

When I do trainings, I am continually asking the question...
"What's the message the child is receiving?"

Little things go along way!!!!

Hello Everyone!
I hope all is well with all of you! 
Coming up very soon is a training that will be held in Taos, NM on
Intentional Re-Parenting. Sunday March 14th. Noon-5:00pm

Topics:
 Neurobiology of Trauma
 Discipline vs. Punishment
 Using the 5 Senses to Heal
 Coming Alongside Anger
 Avoiding Power Struggles 
 The Healing Power of Play and Imagination
 What to do with Lying
 And Much More!

Taos Youth and Family Center Room C
Paseo del Canyon East - Taos, NM 87571
Please call Monica to RSVP 1.877.380.3595 or                   Tim Martinez
FIESTA Family Contact 505.470.6941

Also scheduled is a training and panel for inter-racial adoptions, past or
future. Donna Payne is teaching this very informative class being held in
Santa Fe, NM on Sunday March 28th 2-4pm. Training location is to be confirmed
soon!

Adoption Conference in ABQ, NM on April 17th. I hope you have registered!

Professional Fishing Clinic held just for NM FIESTA!! April 24th-Monastery
Lake, Pecos, NM. Starting at Noon. More information will be available soon!

Please feel free to call 505.470.6941 or message me with any questions or for
more information!
I hope you all have a wonderful day! 
TM

Tax Information You’ll Want to Know About

This was supposed to be a simple assignment, given by my fearless leader, to write something up about the federal adoption tax credit. Simple enough. Once I started looking into the details though, my brain got tangled up in knots. I’m still not sure if I can figure out every detail, but it’s important to at least know what to ask about. So here’s the general idea- families who adopt a child with special needs (using the term broadly, which includes almost all CYFD adoptions, and some others as well) from foster care can claim a federal adoption tax credit without needing to incur or document expenses. This credit is worth looking into for any adoptions after 2003. The per-child tax credit is $12,150 for adoptions finalized in 2009, and families have six years to use the entire credit. That’s a lot of money and guess what! In 2004, only about a quarter of qualifying families took advantage of this policy.

Here are a few key points-

*There are some guidelines on income levels

*You can find Form 8839 at

www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f8839.pdf or by requesting it from 800-829-1040. This is the official form to claim your credit.

*Because you do not need to document expenses for children with special needs, simply enter $11,650 for adoptions finalized in 2008 (and $12,150 for 2009) as long as your child receives adoption subsidy.

*If you can claim your child as a dependent, then you should also look into the Child Tax Credit. The Child Tax Credit and the Adoption Tax Credit interact and may reduce the Child Tax Credit you can claim.

*If you finalized an adoption in 2003 or a later year for which you have already filed your taxes, you can amend your return to take advantage of the federal adoption tax credit.

Talking about adoption subsidies or tax rebates is sometimes awkward. (And like my granddaughter said recently, even the very spelling of “awkward” is awkward.) So I decided to share my favorite analogy- winning a new car. When we were offered a two-for-one out of the blue adoption a few years ago, I felt like I had won the lottery. What a surprise and blessing to be offered two actual beautiful children for free! Unbelievable! But a subsidy! That’s like winning a brand new car and then finding out that the gas is included! And a $12,150 tax credit! Oh my gosh! That’ll buy new tires and oil changes (or new shoes and toothpaste) for a long time.

If you want more specifics, email me at carol.gloetzner@la-familia-inc.org and I’ll forward you more specific information and contact numbers.

Book Club

Hey all of you online book club members! We are in need of ideas! We need to pick a book for our next discussion. Log onto Facebook group "NM Fiesta Book Club" and leave your suggestions. Do you have a favorite adoption book? Are you tired of self-help and heavy topics and want to relax with some fiction? Do you want to explore something controversial? Let me know what you think either on the fb site, here as a comment, or give me a call. Can't wait to start reading!

Basic Child Development Class

If you’ve ever thought (or said),“Stop acting like a two-year-old,” this class is for you. I don’t know about you, but after several years of parenting kids who can’t “act their age,” I sometimes forget what that is. I need a reminder on what a typical three-year-old, or ten-year-old, or fifteen –year-old is going through. I can then rearrange my expectations to parent my child where he is. He may be seven, but in every way other than chronologically, he is three.

This two-hour class, on March 13^th starting at 10 am, will give you a quick introduction or review on basic child development. It will be taught by John Chimarusti the social worker at Carrie Tingley Hospital. John has his PHD in social work and years of experience and awards in helping families who have kids with disabilities. He also teaches at UNM. There are many reasons that John is fantastic at his job- he’s a caring father, a good communicator, and knows every imaginable program and group in New Mexico that serves disabled kids. But one of the reasons John is so respected is that he has cerebral palsy himself. He truly understands the pain and joy that families are going through.

Please call me at 573-0674 to reserve a spot. There is free childcare if you call ahead, as well, and a certificate for hours for those who need them.

Carol

The Ultimate Insult

An adoptive dad told me last week that he was surprised and pleased when his struggling twelve year old son asked him some "get to know you" questions. "Who was your favorite cartoon character when you were a kid?" his son asked.

The dad said, "Thor. Thor was the coolest cartoon character ever."

"That's so stupid," the boy said. "Thor is a stupid cartoon character."
"Nothing is sacred," the dad told me. "He even makes fun of my cartoon character! How low is that!" Funny.
Proof again that we're all crazy:)

Idea, Plan, or Promise?

Funny how specific you sometimes need to be to help your children stay calm and secure. In our house a couple of years ago, I developed an explanation for my kids to help them understand upcoming events. Y’know when you decide to stop at McDonald’s on the way home, but seeing the long line at the drive-through, you decide to opt for Taco Bell instead? Oh My! “But you promised we could go to McDonald’s!!” comes the whining chorus from the backseat. Or worse, have you ever thought out loud, “Maybe we’ll go to the zoo later this week if the weather’s nice…” Well, you get the idea.

So one day, I called the gang together and explained the guidelines. First we have an idea. An idea means that we’re thinking about doing something. There’s a good chance that we won’t actually do it, it’s just a thought. For example, ”Wouldn’t it be fun to buy chickens!” Then there’s a plan. A plan is when we make a decision to do something and then develop a strategy to carry it out. We might buy tickets, pack a suitcase, or build a henhouse. Plans can change. If we plan to go to the zoo next Tuesday and the weather is bad or the car breaks down, then we say, “It’s okay, we can deal with it,” and we’ll make the plan move to another day. Then there’s a promise. That’s serious. I hardly ever call something a promise. “I promise that I’ll love you as long as I live and nothing you can do will change that.” Or “I promise that if you hit your sister today, you will not have sweets.” It really has helped my kids to understand what I say. Often if we decide to go somewhere, one of them will chime in, “Is that an idea or a plan?”

TEEN NIGHT - ABQ

TEEN NIGHT (12-19) for ABQ

Starting @ 6:00

Pizza, Smores, and a Movie

in the East Mtns. w/ all the Snow!

1-877-380-3597 (Sue and Gayle),

1-877-696-2502 (Donna),

1-877-380-3595 (Monica)

Pls Call if attening!

We Hope To See You There!

Car Pooling IS Available (call Sue)!

Venue change for Santa Fe" Lunch and Chat"

Venue for "Lunch and Chat" in Santa Fe,NM has been changed.
Date and time are the same!!

Sunday February 28th
***1730 Camino Carlos Rey /Room 209***
2:00pm -4:00pm

Lunch and Childcare will be provided. Please give me a call or message me with any questions.
Thank you!!
TM   505-470-6941  tim.martinez@la-familia-inc.org

Love and Logic DVD screening/Region Two

Hello everyone!
I wanted to thank all the people that came out to Los Alamos this past Saturday to enjoy some Ice Skating under the lights! All my kiddos came home a little bruised up from all the tumbles, however, Marie and I could not get them off the ice! I wanted to also give some dates and times for upcoming events.
This Tuesday in Raton,NM I will be showing a Love and Logic DVD. There is a lot of valuable information to see, hear and to put into practice! here is the information.

Love and Logic DVD screening
Tuesday February 23rd 5:30-8:00pm
CYFD offices in Raton,NM
1900 Hospital Drive 87740
Dinner and childcare will be provided.

Eating Dis-order Training and awareness.

The training will be a basic overview of eating disorders and the
psychological traits and behaviors associated with the various disorders.
Further, risk factors related to eating disorders will be reviewed and
finally treatment. The various types of treatment will be presented. A video
about eating disorders and family impact will be presented along with a
discussion.
Saturday February 27th 9:00am-1:00pm
Las Vegas,NM
CYFD offices/ 2518 Ridge Runner RD 87701
Food and childcare will be provided

Please call or message me with any questions!
505-470-6941
or tim.martinez@la-familia-inc.org